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Woo peddled by a serial fraudster named Jim Humble, sorry, Archbishop Jim Humble of the Church of Genesis II (he's become a religion so he doesn't have to pay tax) which involves curing children of autism by spraying bleach up their arses.

I could end the writeup there but I'd be doing everyone a disservice, frankly. So I'll carry on.

The Miracle Mineral Solution, or Miracle Mineral Supplement, or MMS for short, comes in two bottles and two flavours, imaginatively named MMS1 and MMS2. The first of these consists of one bottle of sodium chlorite and one of citric acid and the second consists of one bottle of calcium hypochlorite and one bottle of citric acid. You administer the Miracle Mineral Solution by mixing a spot of the first item with water and then inserting the citric acid and then inserting t he resultant mix into an enema and firing it up the dogblossom of the person afflicted with autism. And before you know it, they're not autistic any more! Woo hoo!

For those of you who aren't up to scratch on your chemistry, chlorite and hypochlorite compounds are bleaches. Sodium chlorite is used in the paper industry to make paper white and calcium hypochlorite is used in swimming pools as a source of chlorine. When these are mixed with citric acid, they react and form either sodium or calcium citrate, and chlorine dioxide. This latter is a corrosive and toxic gas which can strongly oxidise or chlorinate organic molecules so it's really something you want wofting around in your guts, isn't it. Proponents of MMS believe that autism, and many other conditions, are caused by parasites which live in our guts because toxins. In particular, they believe that the lower intestines of your average autist is full of a singular pest called a "rope worm" and this "rope worm" does things to the host that make them act in an autistic manner. (How a hypothetical nematode living in your lower intestine could possibly induce behavioural changes is never explained.) Thankfully, there IS a solution! Just spray MMS up their arse or down their throat on a daily basis, and soon enough, you'll see the "rope worms" coming out in the "patient"'s stool.

(WARNING: Do not go past this point if easily squicked.)

Yes. Really. Rope worms. It hasn't of course occurred to these credulous cretins that rope worms aren't real and that autism being caused by intestinal parasites is at best a fringe theory with no scientific evidence behind it. So what, I hear you ask, are these rope worms that they proudly extract from the turds of their subjects and photograph and display on the internets? It looks like a worm, surely, being sort of beige-brown and long? Maybe they're right?

No, not really.

Those "rope worms" they display? I'm not a doctor, and I don't even play one on TV, but I am clued up enough to know that most worms are segmented. I'm also clued up enough to know that worms aren't generally nearly transparent, half an inch in diameter, and knobbly and deflated looking. And you know that stuff about how chlorites and chlorine dioxide can strongly oxidise and corrode organic molecules? Well then. Those "rope worms" are the linings of the poor ninny subjected to this's guts and the reason why people can go for months and months getting "rope worms" out of victims of MMS is because said intestinal lining regenerates. The chlorine dioxide persists over a significant period of time and corrodes the top layer of the intestinal lining enough to make it detach but not enough to make it break up, and this is excreted.

Let me put this simply for you:


The forums dedicated to this nonsense are sick-making as well. They go on about how children cry and scream and act up when it's time for their next dose of MMS and how they claim that it makes their stomachs hurt and things. While a normal, well-adjusted person would respond to this by saying something like, "are you surprised? You're making the poor mite literally drink bleach," these are not normal or well adjusted people. They instead say that it's proof that the MMS is working because the autistic parasites in the child's guts are trying to manipulate you to make you lay off. That's the sort of utterly stupid mindset we're dealing with. I found an excerpt from a book by a pro-MMS idiot in which a concerned parent who swore by MMS and had an 18 year old learning-disabled son with severe behavioural problems recounted how she gained the nickname "THE WORM WHISPERER" within the community. She explained how her son was prone to all manner of violent outbursts but now, thanks to MMS, he was normal again and could possibly function in society, and how she started dosing him with MMS coercively by threatening to sling him out the family home if he didn't co-operate. I think I'll let her words speak for themselves here:

"My only goal was to clear his parasites. I had no idea that the things I learned by digging through his stool for 9 months would eventually give me the nickname, “The Worm Whisperer.” Although intestinal parasites have been around longer than man, and they are smart enough to live within a human being lifelong, they can go completely undetected. I was ready to plot out a war against them. By the beginning of our 9th month of treatment, I estimate that I had cleaned and examined 35 pounds (16 KG) of solid parasites. Hard to believe? I have 80% of them photographed. The last two months in jars total seven pounds and a running total of the combined length will be at over 200 feet (61 meters), at the publishing of this book. There is not a classroom in the world that can teach what I learned in my bathroom day after day in latex gloves and a hospital mask. There was a fan blowing on me to manage the stench and by the third week my gag reflex was under control."

She then goes on about how he was subject to night terrors in the middle of the MMS régime (are you fucking surprised?!) and sleepwalking (no, that was him trying to escape the house and inform Social Services about this evil cunt and her depredations) and how this was proof that MMS was working because he used to do these things in the past but then ceased, so obviously he was returning to the time when he was normal. She then kept this up for nine months. I can only imagine the soul-rending pain this poor learning disabled child must have gone through as his psycho mother arseraped him with pool bleach on a multiple-daily basis and made him shit out his intestines, literally, before said psycho mother went pawing through his excrement, digging out the bits of gut that weren't totally corroded, and parading them on the internets, ALL WHILE CLAIMING SHE LOVED HIM AND WANTED WHAT WAS BEST FOR HIM.

In the words of Yara Greyjoy from Game of Thrones, "{is she} the dumbest cunt alive?!"

The account ends with the following paragraph, which I'll just leave here for further horror:

"Despite the behaviors that may be brought on by a parasite protocol, the results are amazing. In our family we are finally getting our son back. I would recommend staying the course. As we know, these kinds of parasitic infestations in immune-comprised {sic} children will not go away on their own. Children do not “grow out of” worms. In fact, the worms will continue to grow inside of them. The following parasites were expelled by my older son, by making the aggressive modifications aimed at older children. By removing these parasites we are seeing the first stages of recovery. The jars on the following page represent seven pounds of worms in less than two months.

Yours in healing,


You may think that I'm getting excessively angry in this writeup. That's because I am. That's because I'm a functioning human being and if even a fat ginger autist like me can discern that forcibly enematising a small child with bleach is a bad idea, why can't these people? What is wrong with them? Why do they believe this utter nonsense? I mean, there's woo, and then there's obviously dangerous woo like this.

Yet despite all the above, and despite prosecutions here in the UK arising out of this (which have resulted in one MMS website, http://cdautism.org, blocking itself to UK viewers with a passive-aggressive smiley), Jim Gamble continues to sell, and advocate, bleach enemas. On children. And animals. Yes. One poster on one of their forums asked if it was okay to use MMS on their ill cat. I don't know about you, but anyone sprays bleach up my cat's arse and I swear I'll do time.

I'm not a vengeful person, but would anyone honestly mourn if Jim Humble were to be hung upside down from a petrol station?


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