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This is a girls' hand-clapping song that I learned in kindergarten. In fact, I remember my friend Lisa teaching it to me in secret, behind her mother's bed, because it had dirty words in it.

The song has a long history, going back at least to 1920. That explains why they talk about steamboats and operators who dial for you.

When you sing it, you slur together the end of one verse into the beginning of the second, so you aren't really saying "hell", you are saying "HELL-o". Tricky, no?

Miss Susie had a steamboat, (or a tugboat)
the steamboat had a bell,
the steamboat went to heaven,
Miss Susie went to HELL-

-O operator,
please give me number 9,
and if you disconnect me,
I'll kick you right BEHIND...

... the refrigerator,
there was a piece of glass,
Miss Susie slipped upon it,
and broke her little ASS-

-K me no more questions,
I'll tell you no more lies
Miss Susie told me all of this
the day before she died!
-or- the boys are in the bathroom
zipping up their flies...

... are in the meadows,
the bees are in the park
the boys and girls are kissing in the dark!

There were some extra verses that I learned later...

Miss Susie had a baby
She named him Tiny Tim
She put him in the bathtub
To see if he could swim

He drank up all the water
He ate up all the soap
He tried to eat the bathtub
But it wouldn't go down his throat

Miss Susie called the doctor
The doctor called the nurse
The nurse she called the lady
With the alligator purse

I would like very much to know: why a lady with an alligator purse?

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