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Wealthy fruit loop, owner of Harrods and father of the late Dodi Fayed. Fayed is portrayed in the media as being obsessed with:
  1. Getting a British passport. (In pursuit of which he bribed* the equally dimwitted Neil Hamilton MP)
  2. Uncovering the conspiracy surrounding** the death of his son and Diana Spencer.
Recent forays into the public eye have included a farcical (for both sides) court case against Hamilton, television appearances including rapping on The Ali G Show, and the unveiling of a monsterously tacky "tribute" to Diana and Dodi in Harrods' shop windows over Christmas (presumably - God help us - an annual fixture). He also made some mystifying "jokes" about his reproductive organs on some previous comedy programme.

He can be relied on to make regular (usually transparent) attempts to improve his image, such as changing his name to Mohammed Al Fayed***, hiring an ex-BBC reporter to be his public spokesman, and purchasing Fulham football club.

He may be rich and insane, but he seems fairly harmless (if those conditions aren't mutually exclusive).


**in his crazy mind

***The 'Al' bit is supposed to indicate royal heritage, I think.

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