Most dating advice is as accurate as a Medieval medicine text. Which is to say, most dating advice is based not upon data, trial-and-error, and the scientific method in general, but merely myths, heresay, and prejudices designed to reflect and preserve the status quo and fragile egos of the advice givers.

Heterosexual men: Be especially wary of advice from heterosexual women.
Heterosexual women: Be especially wary of advice from heterosexual men.

Let me first clarify that, by dating advice, I do not mean advice on how to conduct an established relationship with a minimal loss of plasma. Many people who have been in a long-term relationship are qualified to advise you on such matters. Rather, I mean advice on the phase the occurs between masturbation and a relationship proper, i.e. meeting/flirting with/hitting on/picking up/throwing game at/seducing/what have you, the objects of your desire. Nearly everyone is highly ineffective during this initial stage and, regardless of their success rates, most of their data points are based upon noise (luck).

Should you really trust advice predicated upon fixed notions and big ideas? The next time someone gives you dating advice, which, coincidentally, follows the strategy of the speaker to the letter (and vice-versa), consider the source: Is (s)he an incontrovertible expert in the art of seduction? If not (and even if so), has the speaker tried (or is (s)he willing to try) the opposite of the given advice? In light of contrary evidence, is (s)he willing to revise his/her advice, even if that would imply that his/her seductiveness is not absolute? It seems that most people are too locked up in convincing themselves that they cannot do any better to admit that they may not be very skilled at creating desire.

If you are serious about becoming more desirable (which, when it comes down to it, is the primary reason we pursue relationships), please know that it can be done, if you are willing to be serious about it. But it must occur through a painstaking process of trial-and-error. There is no magic bullet. The only way to improve is to first admit that you can improve. Moreover, you should be willing to test and possibly discard every assumption and preconception you hold dear.

I apologize if anyone finds the above reductionist/unromantic/&tc., but it needed to be said.

For those that are serious about becoming more desirable (and I mean serious), I suggest seduction boot camp: Whole-heartedly approach 50 desirable persons every week for six weeks. By the end of this period, if you stayed open-minded and did not cheat on the numbers, you will see a marked improvement in your desirability.

If you are not yet confident enough to heed the above advice, but still eager to improve, I recommend the "newbie mission" recommended by Svengali in (substitute genders and pronouns to suit)

This simple little challenge will (a) eliminate your fear of women, (b) show you that you don't have to play any tricks to get and have them.


drive to the nearest shopping mall/center and walk around looking and damn near everything. As you're doing so, say "hi" and give a smile to every woman who passes you by, and who is next to you, and who is in front of you, or whatever. The smile doesn't have to be this big cheesy grin, but whatever is your normal, comfortable way of smiling.


Doing *nothing* else but giving a simple smile and "hi" to everyone, you come back here on Monday and tell me that not *one* woman stopped dead in her tracks to say some things to you after you did nothing more then smile and say "hi".

A simple smile and "hello" to everyone. Cost nothing, takes no time, won't hurt anyone. Yet I'll bet most of you will *rationalize* out some reason(s) why you can't do this, and/or it's not good, and/or all kinds of other things

The original USENET post, in full, is archived at:

The process of becoming more attractive is not fake, it is not acting, is not self-deception. As in any social milieu, you can choose to be a mercenary, to play games, to be deceptive, and to manipulate. But, done right, you are developing a genuine positive skill: the ability to give and receive love constructively.

That last word is key.

For every human trait, desirability included, a subgroup of the population has a willfully intransigent gene that says: "No, I will not accept my lot, I will overcome everything that stands in my way." Casanova had it. Don Juan had it. This gene dies hard.

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