She softly looked at the recently-activated
cell phone in her hand and sighed, her
finger resting on the send button with Adam's phone number flashing in the tiny, lit screen. She slumped a little, in her cross-legged position on the
cold floor. In the
bleak and
lonely darkness, she was still undecided about what to do. The little
green light on her
VCR blinked on and off and on again, illuminating her pale face as
Savage Garden played in her Discman which was hooked up to an old pair of
computer speakers, the
red power light staring at her.
A sudden streak of
courage hit her and she pushed the "send" button and stared at the screen for a moment before bringing the small phone to her ear....she heard it ring once....
twice...
thrice...
Then the sound of someone picking up.
"Hello?"
"..."
"Is anyone there...? Hello?"
"...Yeah...Hi..."
"Muralasa? Is that you?"
"Yeah...it’s me."
"Wow, I'm surprised you called...I didn't think you would...ever."
"I figured I needed to."
"You really
surprise me a lot, Muralasa."
"I
surprise myself more, I can bet."
"Why would you bet?"
"Maybe I shouldn't have called..."
"Yes, you should have."
"Maybe it was just silly of me."
"I've never seen you as silly."
"I don't think you've ever seen ME."
"Of course I have, I see you every
day..."
In the background of the fading
conversation, a new song came through the stillness and the dark broke like the
ice shattering from a
frozen heart, and through the dismal night came a painful relating of
lyrics to life...*"I would like to visit you for a while/ Get away and out of this
city/ Maybe I shouldn't have called but someone had to be the first to
break." The words slammed into her and stayed, and you could hear her heart
melt across the country, like snow in
angry hands.
"I wanted to call you..."
"Of course you did, or you wouldn't have called at all."
"Yes, I would have..."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I think I know myself a little...enough to know that I'd have called anyway."
"Why, then?"
"I needed to."
"Needed to?"
"I need to apologize."
"For what?"
"For hurting you."
"Oh...it's alright."
"It is not alright...I need to apologize."
" 'Being in
love means never saying you're sorry...' you said that to me once."
"Did I? I don't think I remember."
"Maybe you're afraid to remember."
"Afraid? Yes, I think I am."
"...Not the response I wanted."
"Do I ever give you what you want?"
"Once..."
The song echoed within her ears and in her lonely room...lights chased each other around the walls of her room as lonesome
cars droned by...each with a
warm family to go
home to...*"I'll be courageous if you can pretend that you've
forgiven me..."
"I should go now."
"Should you?"
"Yeah, I don't think I should have called...."
*"So maybe I shouldn't have called,/ Was it too soon to tell? / Oh, what the Hell.../ It doesn't really matter."
"Of course you should have, Muralasa..."
"Of course."
"I'll always lo..."
And then the
battery in the
cell phone died, and the girl in the darkness dropped it to the floor, breaking into sobs. She knew she'd never get the
courage to call back, and so the conversation remained unfinished.
"Muralasa never was my real name...."
*"How do you redefine something that never really had a name?" And then the
music stopped.
*** Lyrics by
Savage Garden