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1. I became a wizard by collecting bottlecaps. They're worthless themselves, but the chief of Harlem appreciated my dedication, and he helped me find a Master Wizard to study under.

2. Don't believe your sister. The Bronx is a fine place, with wise, kind, and generous people. They did not pay me to say that. I have no idea who Coyote is.

3. The collective rush-rush energy of Times Square is enough to fling you to wherever you want to go. Alas, there is less wonder among the tourists than there used to be, so the square is no longer a prime spot to ask for miracles. I don't blame the smarmy signs. There have always been smarmy signs.

4. I'm not going to tell you how to reach Up New York. You're just going to try to reach it, and the methods of getting there are extremely painful.

5. Don't trust a Shaman. They are too attuned to the city. This is a hardscrabble, backstabbing, lonely place, and the Shamans embody the city as a necessary function of their magic.

6. Make friends with a sorceror. They can pull a wall down on your enemies if it comes to that.

7. If you are faced with a greater force than you can reasonably withstand, such as, say, City Hall, grab a baseball bat and make your way to Shea Stadium. The Underdog energy of the place will act as a massive boost to your confidence and resilience. it's also an excellent place to ask for miracles.

9. Yankee Stadium is good when you need to defend against outside threats. Remember when the yanks won against Neptune and his team of fish-men? That was the stuff of legend.

10. The Yankee loss to the Hill-Giants from Upstate would have been worse if the Hill-giants had been smart enough to wager something besides the stadium itself. They thought destroying it would ruin the magic of the place. But they are unfamiliar with New York. One of the things we do best is rebuild. This energy creates the buildings, not the other way around. Once we got a new stadium, the spirit of the old place found a new home. Our primary defense remains.

11. You're working to become a Shaman? Oh. Well. Um.

12. Good luck. Bye.

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