For other people named Nick Ayala, see Nick Ayala (disambiguation).
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Nicholas Charlotte Gonadica Fred Ayala (born May 2, 1884, Boca Raton, Mississippi), also known as Nick Ayala, also known as Mistress Veronica, also known as Zagnut "Frenchy" Zamprelli, also known as Gorg the Butcher, is an American Businessman, entrepreneur and mentat. He is the inventor of the "dick vein" in Snickers candy bars and a Managing Partner of Muldoon's Grocery Store in Thumper, Wisconsin.

Early life and education

Ayala was born to a cluster of fertilization robots in Boca Raton, Michigan. He received his high school diploma from, and later earned his Business Hostility and Theft Degree from DeSantis State University in 2006. (Citation needed! Citation needed! CITATION NEEDED! INPUT CITATION CREDITS, WORK DRONE Z773-BR-9!)


In January 2012, Ayala founded Czechoslovakia Solutions 365, a company manufacturing low-grade aluminum inboxes for businesses. Two years later, he founded V.U.L.T.U.R.E Capital Management, a Legitimate Business focusing on smuggling antiquities and the undead into American cities.

In 2017, Ayala founded a hot dog restaurant called Disney-Walmart, which taught him some very important lessons about the legal system and trademarks and caused him to briefly move to Venezuela and change his name to John Doe-Smith. In 2020, the company was acquired by the United States Justice Department, with Ayala becoming the Press Secretary for the Trump White House for three hours, 14 minutes, and 53 seconds. 

He is also a tiddlywinks coach and Amway salesman. He also serves as the Vice President and Board Member of Yo-Yo's Family Circus and Joy Carnival, in which he performs an act where he eats a whole pumpkin.


Ayala is the member of the Make a Ham Foundation’s Pork Scrubbing Society. He and his wife Tatiana are also donors to Habitat for Walruses and the Society of Sentient Leeks.

Personal Life

As of 2022, Ayala resides in Boca Raton, Vermont, with his wife Darla Ayala, and two poodles.

LieQuest 2022

Nickothodes Artimaeus Thornburn-Ayala is the founder and director of the University of Cambridge's Necromantic Studies department.

Early life and education

Ayala was summoned via dark incantations by a group of British warlocks in 1915 in an attempt to raise a demonic army to fight the Central Powers of Germany and Austria-Hungary. However, the summoning went awry, resulting in only a young Ayala being conjured and resulting in the deaths of all but one of the warlocks. Rather than decapitating the child Ayala and burying him under a crossroad (as is standard practice for rogue summonings) the remaining warlock, Nigel Thornburn-Ayala, opted instead to adopt him.

Due to his demonic nature, Ayala received no formal education in his youth, instead relying on the inherent supernatural knowledge that transferred down to him through his infernal heritage.

In 1935, at the age of twenty, Ayala was granted entrance to Cambridge University based on his preternatural knowledge and his ability to summon hellfire.


After attending Cambridge for a year, Ayala was offered a position as Director of Demonic Infrastructure and the Necromantic Studies, which he accepted.

In 1945, Ayala was brought up by the Cambridge disciplinary board on charges of necromancy, having been caught raising the dead of the Axis powers and having them fight for the side of the Allies. Ayala argued that his after school activities did not affect his ability to teach his classes, and that his actions had allowed the university to receive several large grants from Her Majesty's Government specifically for the use of necromantic research, and the charges were dropped.

Since then, Ayala has remained the Director of Demonic Infrastructure and the Necromantic Studies, despite attempts in 1956, 1973, 1989, 2005, and 2017 to have him removed or forcibly retired.


Ayala is the chairman for the Adopt Don't Summon, "ADS" Foundation for wayward demons, an organization who seeks to educate sorcerers on the benefits of adopting rogue demons that are already corporeal in the world rather than summoning new ones to the material planes.

"The world is already full of so much evil," Ayala said at a recent ADS event. "Why not work smart and use the evil that is currently available to you? There are so many feral demons out there, ones who have escaped or killed their summoners. Demons who, if caught by any number of holy orders out there, would be put down for the safety of humanity. These are demons who have already proven their worth by outwitting or overpowering weak-willed sorcerers, why let such talent go to waste?"

Personal Life

As of 2022, Ayala and his wife, Mildred, reside in Sunnyvale California, from which Ayala commutes to Cambridge daily via a set of magically-linked mirrors in his home and office. The couple say their favorite pastimes include walking in the nearby park, sacrificing goats to retain their youth, and raising parakeets.

LieQuest 2022

Nickletode Horsebear Rootnekc Brirtha Ayala was a major British politician during the Chutney Riots of ‘77 and was instrumental in solving the candy corn epidemic of ‘88, declaring himself only able to work without headache in years ending in “duplicated” digits.

Early life and education

While surfing on the Nile and battling twelve foot crocodiles, Nickletode’s mother dropped trou and a baby into the black silt of the Nile. The British owned the Nile or some shit at this point, don’t question me, that’s the way it is and dammit Timothy if you don’t sit down I’ll call your mother. Once birthed, Nickletode drank the entire Nile, every drop, for thirty-two years until his graduation from grad school at Trump University. His credentials can be seen on the walls of most British Bakeries. This is true even during bad nights in Chelsea, while drunk, hungover, or sober.


Nickletode started off as a low-level Tory thug, responsable for beats and garbage collection, before moving up to Head Metre Maid of the City of London. Despite being appointed to such a glamorous position, Nickletode spent the majority of the time as Boris Johnson’s hair, or at least the left side of it. His dependencies on cocaine stem from this period, and while some people point to moonlarking as political hair as being a risk factor for Russian krokodil addition, most well-versed biographers point to Nickletode’s mother’s Nile parturition as the point to which Nickletode developed his desomorphine habit. This also gave him connections to the Russian underworld specifically to Vladimir Vladdimirrovich Putin. You can tell by the doubled letters that this Putin is a clone of former KGB agent and noted Ukrainaphobe Putin, current president (at the time of this writing) of a décollage of supposed Russo States. (Incidentally, we know doubled letters to be an indication of clonehood from the 1990s novel Heir to the Empire where an insane clone Jedi named Joruus C'baoth is a clone of passibly sane Jedi master Jorus C’baoth.)

While Nickletode denies these connections it is a matter of public fact that he snorted cocaine off of chief barrister Sir Alex Allan’s bum during a Senate hearing in the US. (These actions took place at the same time, the cocaine sniffing did not take place at the hearing, only during.) It is also a matter of public fact that he purchased krokodil when being placed in charge of Russian’s entire army during a short period that the Russians have so completely expunged from the record as I have not been able to uncover any facts about.

After this shameful period of his life, Nickletode got himself elected Representative of Parliament or whatever you want to call it of Lambeth, London. His subsequent mishandling of police forces led to a 300% increase in the Lambeth homicide rate followed by a crash of grain prices in Berwick-upon-Tweed. Typically Lambeth police had a 25% kickback from Berwick wheat, but since they were busy being mishandled by Nickletode, they forgot to go to the docks to collect the grain tax and it was stolen by two pairs of knickers out for a stroll.

Nickletode, then at this point solved the Chutney Riots by resupplying spice to the district of Chutney, London. The candy corn epidemic was solved in a completely different way.

Nickletode’s appetite for sweets rivals even NBA superstar Stephen Curry, a man conceived in Chutney and birthed in Masala. He also played It in It rather spicily.

After solving these problems, Nickletode gave himself seven heart attacks on purpose to collect legal fees from the City of London and Parliament for giving him undue stress. He then died in office surrounded by what he loved. Candy Corn, black Nile sand, and russian drugs.


While never confirmed to be a philanthropist, he often gambled away Greater London’s orphanages money in Las Vegas, where he spent most of his youth and a good portion of his later years. This noble deed was explained to shady London (i.e. All of them) newspapers as an attempt to teach poor children that life always steals from poor people and that they were going to be treated like crap, by him, for the rest of their lives.

Personal Life

Nickletode married Priscilla Valdy, a female clone of Putin on December 7th, 1941, retroactively. He changed the laws just to be able to push his marriage license so far into the past. Most British marriages have a three year limit due to tax reasons.


Nickletode had cameos in a number of films and watched as many as ten movies in his life. He also starred in the 1977 film "The House with Two Doors,” though some people debate whether he starred in it, or if the director, Ryan Coulibiac had accidentally dropped a camera through a house overturned by Hurricane Anita, and the ominous shadow shaped like Nickletode is simply a trick of the light.

LieQuest 2022

Bartholemew Woobybits St John-Smythe, pronounced "Nick Ayala", was a famous musician and plumber based out of Rooster Poot, Arkansas. He first made headlines in 1814 as a professional guitarist. Professional, in the sense that he said he could play the instrument. During his hiring interview, he tried blowing into all of the mechanical parts of his guitar, which only provided blasts of halitosis and dog-end reek. Moving on to hitting the guitar with things from the percussion section of the Royal Orchestra and Harmonica Symphonic Kazoo Maestros (ROAHSKM), he discovered the instrument did indeed make interesting noises depending on what he used. The sound of a dead skunk slamming against the strings is what landed Nick the job, although some historians insist the interviewers passed out from the skunk musk and the strings slicing through the deceased rodentia. Anyway, Nick was in like Flynn.

Fast forward to 1926, and "Nick" is still living in the same seat in the orchestra. Because he had never left his custom seat (with a convenient hole in the center for miscelaneous emissions), he had slowly merged with the frame of the furniture. One day, the tuba player had problems with her instrument. "Nick" decided to fix the tuba by slipping his noodly appendage into the bell. He pulled out a four year-old boy. It turned out that the tuba player had given birth through her mouth and the newborn had lodged in the brass.

The child couldn't hear anything above 38hz and spoke like Charlie Brown's teacher. He was named Bartholemew Woobybits St John-Smythe and was accidentally sent back in time when someone played a magic flute they found under the stage.

LieQuest 2022?

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