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Bored at work
So there I was, clerking, and telling people Gone in Sixty Seconds was all checked out. When asked if I had seen it, I basically said, "It's a Nicolas Cage movie, and they're all pretty much the same movie these days. He yells and screams for no reason, and steals something, and goes to Vegas. Oh and there's a plot twist I think." And that caused a bit of laughing, and a little bit of the, "Dude, Nicolas Cage is kewl" protestations. So I just kinda giggled to myself about all the conventions of Nicolas Cage movies and thought, "You know, what if Nicolas Cage was a Pokemon?" So I took the time in between taking care of customers and cracking dumb Labyrinth jokes about nonsensical stuff to make Jennifer Connelly go through to get her baby brother from David Bowie to roughly chart out the stats for the Nicolas Cage Pokemon.
Now there would be 4 evolve stages for said Pokemon:
- Cageachu(C1) - a worm with Nicolas Cage's face (evolves at level 15 to Cageachan)
- Cageachan(C2) - a spider with Nicolas Cage's head (evolves at level 45 to Cageino)
- Cageino(C3) - an H.R. Giger alien with Nicolas Cage's screaming and yelling head
- NiCoppola(C4) - a super-deformed version of a humanoid Nicolas Cage (equip a Cageino with a Cheap Suit to create)
And here are his powers:
- Punch - A basic attack, all forms start with this (Psychic Points(PP): 10)
- Dodge - 100% evasion of next physical attack, all forms start with this(PP: 15)
- Yell - a sonic stun maneuver with no attack made, C1 gets at level 5, all others start with this one(PP: 20)
- Scream - C1=level 11, all others start with, sonic stun + attack(PP: 30)
- Steal Coin - C1=level 19, C2=level 21, C3,C4=starter, steal random amount of money from opponent(PP: 40)
- Roach Spit - C1=level 26, C2=level 30, C3,C4=starter, spit out a live roach for light-medium damage, creature has 60% chance of running away (gratuitous Vampire's Kiss reference)(PP: 20)
- Vegas - C1=level 36, C2=level 43, C3=level 47, C4=starter, one of 10 random effects determined by slot machine, including Confusion attack, Coin Toss attack, a airplane crash landing on either creature for massive damage, one point of damage to enemy, Dig attack, both creatures being healed, both creatures being defeated, a 10 hit light damage randomized attack on both creatures, yelling and screaming for zero damage and both creatures getting hit with the stun effect, Flight effect on both creatures, and an extra slot machine spin.(PP: 5)
- Attack Switch - C1=level 48, C2=level 55, C3=level 61, C4=starter, your creature temporarily loses Attack Switch power and trades it for one of the powers of the opposing creature until the end of the battle(PP: 30)
- Car Drop - C1=level 59, C2=level 68, C3=level 71, C4=level 76, an automobile falls out of the sky on enemy creature for heavy damage (PP:60)
- Plot Twist - C1=level 70, C2=level 80, C3=level 86, C4=level 90, a combination of Yell, Scream, Roach Spit, and Car Drop, that does either 0 damage, 1 point of damage, reduces down to 1 point, or instantly defeats enemy creature, may cause Confusion, Poisoning, or Stun to either creature(PP: 5)
- Coppola Mob - C1,C2,C3=cannot learn, C4=level 99, 20 hit attack (a la FF7's Knights of the Round) for medium-heavy damage(PP: 80)