So I started writing a sci-fi short story about a man attempting first contact with telepathic aliens and how disorientating it was to just get thoughts shoved into ones head but I was using emoji for the aliens "speech" and it turns out that you can't just copy/paste emoji on to E2. Even if they show up in the text editor, they aren't there when you save it. The browsers back button got them back but I'm realizing this is going to take a bit more work than I thought and it's kind of bumming me out.

My only other write up today was short and took ... oh I'd say ... three times as long as it should have. It was the off topic rambling thing AGAIN! I'm fine from sentence to sentence but paragraph to paragraph and my writing drifts away from whatever it is that I'm trying to get across. I deleted at least two paragraphs and I don't know how many sentences and I had to reread what I'd written over and over even to figure out what I was even trying to say. I have attention problems but it's not usually this bad. My best guess for the cause is cookies. One of my parents is involved in prison ministry and they were going to take them to the penitentiary but that got canceled so there were a bunch of peanut butter cookies laying around. I don't like wasting food which usually isn't a problem because we have a small flock of chickens and they're natures domestication's garbage disposal. But too much sugar is supposedly bad for them so ... I just started eating the cookies myself.

Almost all of them.

By myself.

I didn't even want them.

They weren't that good.

They were stale.

But still edible.

There's a lesson in here. Just throw out good food if it's a choice between that and eating like five dozen cookies over the course of a week.

I'm just now realizing that I could have taken them to my workplace. I'm an idiot.

Regardless, the cookies are gone now. If my output improves I'll blame my brain fog and generally bad life choices on a constant low level sugar crash and if not I'm probably not going to finish this November.

IRON NODER XIV: I REGRET EATING THOSE COOKIES

Ooooo, all of my muscles hurt like crazy, which I think is actually good news!

I think my fast twitch muscles just came back on line. I have had a stiff neck this week, without much in the way of provocation. Or no more than usual. This morning I got up to walk down stairs and my quadriceps are so stiff that I had trouble. And they hurt. Now, I have not eaten gluten, so I thought, what the heck? But my muscles feel different. Awake. Grumpy as hell, too.

So, the working theory is that I make the four PANS antibodies. My anti tubulin seems to shut down my fast twitch muscles, which makes me really short of breath at first and tachycardic. Also, dopamine makes people tachycardic, so my anti dopamine antibodies fit the lock and turn the key. Double whammy, there, tachycardic and no fast twitch muscles. OW. Heart rate initially going to 135, with 100 the normal upper limit, just from talking while sitting on the couch. Sucked the farts out of Dead Wharf Rats. I think that my anti tubulin just all finally released and my muscles are waking up. Kind of like an oppositional defiant Sleeping Beauty, "Who the hell are YOU? Did you KISS ME? WTF? GET AWAY, GUARDS, THIS ASSHOLE WAS PLANNING TO RAPE ME ASLEEP." My muscles are in that sort of mood.

The anti dopamine released in July. I woke up one day and it was just GONE. Saw B two days later and he said, "You are NORMAL." Well, normal for me. Heh. I cried the entire day after it released, because it was such a relief. Off and on. A little the second day. By the third day I was just my normal weird.

I am not sure about the anti lysoganglioside antibody. I am not going to test it yet either. That is the food one. So if I eat gluten and it's still active, all of my muscles hurt and I get the diverticulitis symptoms. I am hurting ENOUGH today. I will try some bread in a couple of weeks or January, I don't know yet. Depends how fast my fast twitch muscles cheer up. Man, are they grumpy.

We never did figure out what the lung infection was. It could have been a walking pneumonia. I contacted my doc and took high dose penicillin and clindamycin. B said they didn't help much but the antibiotics made me less terrified. I am not sure. I will wander back to my diaries eventually. Clindamycin should cover most walking pneumonias but of course won't do a damned thing for a virus. And if the lung cilia and the chest wall muscles are buggered up, it's a bit hard to tell if it's working. This time I did not get the fluid draining out sepsis symptom and my muscles and lungs did not burn as they did with both strep A x 2 and with influenza. The worrisome thing is that it could have just been a cold. Or possibly no infection at all, just the antibodies triggered by grief about saying goodbye to my patients, fear of working in a big organization, and the Covid-19 vaccines. A perfect storm. I dislike the possibility that I can get this just from the emotional crap and be taken out for 9 or more months. Ugh.

Anyhow, hoorah for my muscles coming back on line!

I am plotting to work on strength and then GO SKIING!!!!

Iron Iron Iron!

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