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I recently went to working evenings and my circadian rhythms are finally in sync with my bed by 2:00 AM up by 10:00 AM schedule. As much as I miss losing most of my morning I think I like this better. So many things are on the 8:00-5:00 that you practically have to take a day off from work to get some of them done. Combine that with the fact that I like having work on the back half of the day because if it's on the front I'm really tired for my remaining free time and this is looking really good.

I kinda want to blame the sleep adjustment for missing most of my write-up thus far in November but honestly I think this is just how I am. I had a number of papers in college that I wrote the night before. There's a David Foster Wallace interview that kinda encapsulates my issue. I'm proud of some of the things that I've written and I cringe at other and when I start writing I'm not sure which it's going to come out as. It's not a matter of time or attention; I usually put the most effort into works I like the least. I've got a few books rattling around in the back of my brain but it's hard to want to start them with this pattern. To the other creative types on the website, is this how you feel about the creative process or is it just me?


Yesterday, did not go well at work. From the moment I got there and opened it was one crazy or ticked off customer after another. I ended up having to call my boss multiple times on my day off, and even then I couldn't help the majority of the people who arrived needing something or other that we either couldn't, or wouldn't do. The guy who was scheduled after me came in early, I was so happy to see him I could have either burst into happy tears, or hugged him, but neither of those was ideal so I just asked if he was early because my brain was already fried by then. He's very bright and I mistakenly assumed that the day would be better since he would know the things I didn't. From the Canadian woman who parked her truck off to the side of the highway and told us she had all of her US paperwork, driver's license, etc..., stolen, to the woman and her husband who were furious that they had been charged after they cancelled, the day continued to escalate.

I had tried to get a good night's sleep, and unlike many other days I have had, I tried not to let these situations get to me. At some point you just have to laugh about things, so I tried to keep a sense of humor about everything, eventually telling one woman that I wasn't even sure why they had hired me, and admitting that perhaps I got the job because people felt sorry for me. Even though it wasn't the greatest of days, I think it helped that I was calmer about things. The majority of the time I regard myself as a fairly intelligent person, but there is something about that job that turns me into the world's biggest airhead, and while sometimes it is funny, it's also frustrating to me and everyone else at work. I'm not exactly sure what to do about this other than perhaps keep working hard to learn new things, it's stressful to be under the gun, and I'm sure that doesn't exactly help me remember things in the moment. I do feel as if I'm learning more, and a bit more confident than I was. We went through some things together, hopefully now we can put those things behind us and move forward together.

The other night I was working with my boss and another guy who left not long after I arrived. While I was in the bathroom my boss moved this life sized cardboard cut out of Jude Law right in front of the door so when I opened it that's what I saw first. He had his phone out to record me, and I can't believe I didn't scream because I was close. I told him I was going to get him back, but I couldn't think of anything that evening so I let it go. The next day he wasn't in, but I had taken a black and white striped Sephora bag my youngest left lying around, and put a fun assortment of feminine hygiene products in it. I used complementary tissue paper to cover the underlying items, wrote out a card, and left the bag on the desk where my boss has his space. We don't really have desks at work, but we regard the main area back there as his, and I thought that would be a fun way to try and needle him after the Jude Law incident. He's a prankster, but I'm new, I think he will take it in the spirit it was intended, but I am absolutely preparing for an escalation and retribution. 

Even though yesterday was memorable to say the least, I want to give kudos and credit where they are due. I did feel bad about having to call my boss so many times, but he did answer me and told me I had some goofy things that normally wouldn't crop up. There's four of us there, and three of us are extremely organized. I had been in on the day when a woman who was on her way to work stopped by to pay her bill. I hardly recognized her when she came back because she was wearing street clothes and had very nice hair and makeup. Thankfully the guy I was working with was up on her situation when she stopped, I had to text my boss to ask where her paperwork was, and since his desk is so orderly I was able to find it without incident. She and I got to talking, I complimented whatever shade of peony pink lip color she had, and we had a short conversation about her Kate Spade handbag and wallet. Things were going well so when she told the guy I was working with that she felt like he was patronizing her I didn't know what to do.

I let her say her piece, I had hoped he would apologize, but he didn't, and maybe I shouldn't have intervened, but I did. I told her that while I understood her point of view, I didn't think he had intended to come off that way, and was actually just frustrated. He can come off as smug and a know it all, but in this case I didn't feel as if her criticism was warranted. He didn't have a good analogy for what he was trying to explain, and I felt like she was being hard on him for struggling to explain a complicated billing matter. I felt as if they were both talking past each other, and didn't want anything to further upset anyone. If someone wants to talk to me about this I can, I did what I felt was needed and appropriate at the time. As she was walking out the door I tried to bring it up again, she said it wasn't personal, but she felt like she had to speak her mind, and I agreed with that. This is kind of funny, but on Monday I had experienced something similar and that time I told him he had hurt my feelings. He isn't doing it intentionally, but I'm noticing a theme here.

One thing that is difficult about this job is people walk in expecting you to be an expert. The personality types who tend to do well in this field don't tend to be especially empathetic, this guy is relatively unemotional in general, and maybe that is why the team needs someone like me, to be the go between and try to help feuding parties who actually want the exact same thing, in this case problem resolution, but are unable to figure out how to build communication bridges toward each other. In a way I was glad that she spoke up, I think more people need to do that sort of thing. She was direct, not passively aggressive like she could have been, and I appreciate that as well. Sometimes we do know that there is an answer, and it takes a lot of mental energy and pulling certain strings or some work around shenanigans before we can offer someone something better than they had before. Sometimes we fail to see their side, and sometimes, people are just jerks, bitches, or unhinged.

I felt really bad for both of them. She had already been to our store once, he was not having the greatest of days, and I felt like they were taking accumulated anger at other unseen parties out on each other. I was very surprised when he came right out and said that he hated our parent company. He is normally much more circumspect, and had it not been for his tone which made a larger impression than his actual comment, I might have let him take the heat she was dishing out because she was not happy at the way he was trying to explain things. Sometimes you know what is going on to a certain extent, but he hadn't been the one to go through her bill and fix things, so he was trying to go through steps someone else had covered, and we had another sketchy customer who smelled like weed in there who had also been ranting and raving after he told her she couldn't add a new line to her account because she had a past due balance on it. He was just sharing unpleasant facts, and she went off on him which was completely uncalled for, but he had to take it because that's what you do as an employee. 

The other night I talked to my aunt and then I talked to a friend of mine about the day that I was humiliated. I ran it past a friend of mine, and I ended up apologizing when I shouldn't have had to, and now I'm not sure if I should have done that, but I didn't know what else to do to try and mend fences that I shouldn't have to repair in the first place. My friend who is great at reading situations like this thinks that the guy likes me, couldn't pursue me romantically in the traditional sense because he is married, perhaps company policy also prohibits that kind of thing, I don't know enough about that yet, but I rejected him so not only did I have to be publicly denounced, so did my boss. I like this theory because it makes a lot of sense to me. I could tell in my interview that this guy was into me in a not totally professional sense, but didn't think much of it at the time. What makes this idea attractive to me is that our whole store is under fire, and I think a large part of that is because I get along well with those guys, so this guy is taking my rejection of him out on them which is sad and small of him.

Of course I could be full of it, but the more I think about it, the more I can see it from that angle. I work with some young good looking and very talented men. This guy is a bit older, he's also an incredible sales person, which is why he got the job in the first place, but he's put on some weight (from what others have told me), and everything about this whole thing reminds me of a high school drama where the rejected guy goes around trying to slut shame the chick who denied him because he is extremely insecure despite having more wealth and power than she does. There was absolutely no reason for him to tear into me, my boss, or anyone else that we work with, I don't always know when guys like me, but sometimes it's so obvious you can't help but notice the signs, and it's usually very clear when someone does not like you. My boss brought up the awkward hug at the end of the night, and I don't like that either. Don't try to spin the story and say that I tried to hug you when it was the other way around. From now on I think I will refrain from hugging anyone at work. This is clearly not like the grocery store where that was taken for granted.

This is from a while ago, finally getting around to posting it...



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