Now You're Screwed

An explorer is lost in the jungle, hacking his way through the trees and bushes, when abruptly he comes upon a clearing, and in the middle of the clearing is a tribe of bloodthirsty cannibalistic natives.

The explorer says "Oh crap, I'm screwed".

Suddenly, there is a bright light shining from the heavens, and a voice says "Quick, pick up that rock and bash the leader's head in".

So the explorer picks up a big rock, and bashes the lead native's head in.

And the heavenly voice says "Now you're screwed".

This ancedote from five of my past lives gives me great comfort whenever I contemplate the existence of Cow of Doom. Really.

A man is walking along the beach at low tide.
He comes along a naked woman with no arms or legs.
As he passes (hey! she might just be sunbathing!) she begins to cry.
He asks why she's crying.
"I'm 21 and I've never been hugged!" says she.
He duly hugs her with all his heart.
He turns to move off, when she begins to cry again.
"I'm 21 and I've never been kissed!" says she.
He duly gives her a full frenchy.
He turns to move off again, and she crys once more.
"I'm 21 and I've never been screwed!" says she.
He duly picks her up and chucks her into the rising sea.
"Now you're screwed!"

Anonymous