A drunken man was walking back to the pub; his home was 10 miles away from the pub. He was walking around wildly due to the loss of balance and singing random songs. As he stumbled forward, he eventually banged into a septic tank that happened to be around. In his drunken state, he thought the septic tank had attacked him, so soon started punching and kicking the tank. Soon bolts became undone and the tank became unstable. Soon the whole thing collapsed and the man was covered in other people's shite and urine.
Mysteriously, there was a porter-loo in the middle of the septic tank, and mysteriously still, the door opened. Out came one very tall person and one very short person, their age was indefinable. The tall person started talking first.
“Now, remember the plan Sapling, it’s the beginning of the apocalypse and we have to stop people from using nuclear weapons.”
“Okay Oak, but why did we have to emerge from a septic tank” asked Sapling?
“If we emerged from a big building it would be too obvious that we are here to save the world, now come on.”
“Who are you!” demanded the drunken man.
“You don’t think it may actually have been that lout over there that destroyed the tank” wondered Oak?
“Oh god, we’ve come too early, now we'll have to start all over again” moaned Sapling.
“I said who are you!” demanded the drunken man.
“I think we should introduce ourselves” decided Oak “I am Professor Oak”.
“And I am student Sapling.”
“You don’t look like trees!” replied the drunken man
“Excuse me” asked Sapling “what time is it?”
“10!” replied the drunkard.
“Okay, who is the leader of this land?”
“Lord Snooty... Mickey Mouse...Donald Duck...I don’t know!”
“Sapling, this man has been consuming that poison made from barley” informed Oak.
“Fair enough” said Sapling “which way is your home?”
“That way, 11:30!”
“Think Sapling” said Oak “from the looks of things, 11:30 seems to be the time.”
“In which case, when I asked him the time, he gave me the distance, so in which case, the distance is something with 10 in it” considered Sapling.
“Very good, and judging from the look of this place, that’s probably 10 miles”
With that they led the drunkard into the porter-loo, in order to take him home.
The drunkard looked around, for in side there was an entire public toilet, bigger than any public toilet he had ever seen, and all inside this average sized porter-loo.
“What is this thing?!”
“You are inside the Incredible Flush Machine!” answered Sapling
“The energy of all these toilets flushing gives us the ability to travel through time and space!” contributed Oak.
“Oh I do that all the time at home” gloated the drunkard.
“Sure you do” sarcastically replied Sapling “now let’s go to the central flush”.
After a long walk, made longer by the drunkard’s lack of balance, they reached the central flush. The drunkard was amazed by the huge, complex mechanisms of the flush, and was jealous since his own complex mechanisms were not as huge, and in his current state didn’t work.
“This doesn’t work!” he cried.
“Oh it does work” replied sternly Oak.
He then programmed the device and pulled the flush, and soon they were evidently moving through a vortex, visible from the window.
Suddenly, the whole place started rocking, and there was a distinct sound of mass squirting of half empty soap tubes.
“What was that!” cried the drunkard.
“We are being attacked!” shouted Oak.
“By who!”
“Vengeful creatures from the future, Sapling, man the defences!”
“What defences, we don’t have any.”
“Dam, think, think, think, think, a ha, you there!” Oak pointed at the drunkard.
“What, me?”
“Yes you, could you look at this ventilation cover?”
The drunkard looked at the ventilation cover, then Oak removed the cover and let out a massive waft of stagnant air, for it was the cover to where all the sewage went.
“I feel sick!” proclaimed the drunkard.
“Throw up down this hole in the wall” commanded Oak.
With that the drunkard ran over and vomited immediately, and soon the rocking and squirting was over.
“Hooray!” shouted everyone.
“The flush machine is safe, and it’s all thanks to you” said Oak to the drunkard.
The vortex outside disintegrated after that, and the drunkard was led out of the Incredible Flush Machine onto the streets of his home village. As the two parties waved good bye to each other, Sapling said.
“Perhaps we should give up on trying to save the Earth from annihilation for now and just have a look ‘round the universe.”
“Yep, that would be a great idea” replied Oak.
With that they went back into the flush machine and soon it disintegrated, no one knowing where it went.