the hospital employee says to me
how do we find the heroin addicts
I blink, wanting to laugh
they will find you, I want to say
they are in your clinics
they are in your employ
"You could advertise," I say
innocently, picturing buses
with addicts shooting up
plastered on the postered side

the hospital worker looks uncertain
"Would you like me to put the word out?"
I say, "Among my former addicts?
That the hospital clinics now want to treat them?"

She nods, looking worried
as well she might
I thought the hospital clinic docs
now trained in suboxone
rolling out the red carpet, new program
rumored that all the high dose opioid patients
would be put on suboxone

But no, it's worse than that
they'll use buprenorphine for chronic pain
without the naloxone
the naloxone is the deterrent to shoot or snort

don't worry, I think.
I don't say
it's heroin all over again
it's methadone all over again
it's oxycontin all over again

give the buprenorphine without naloxone
and the opioid addicts will flock

and I wait for the county death rates to rise.


https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16148422 Well. The addiction rate in chronic pain people on opioids is somewhere between 8% and 58%, depending on the source you use.....


https://casapalmera.com/blog/how-suboxone-and-subutex-can-help-chronic-pain/ Yeah, this says it's an easier withdrawal. Um, lies lies and more lies. To sell drugs.

Worked at a different store today. Super boring start, asked if the guy I was working with wanted me to leave, but ended up staying anyways. We got busier, he sold a bunch of stuff while I helped an elderly veteran and his step-daughter with his account. Everything takes longer when you are new, and it was a big mess, but I think it was good I stayed despite the frustration. Got back on a dating website because I am still bored and lonely. Forgot how many matches you have to cycle through to get a half-way decent conversation, but at least it is a start. Already had one guy tell me I am a waste of time. You would laugh if I showed you the pictures he sent me, so glad I can laugh and have a sense of humor about things. Sometimes I swipe on people who look nice and have learned that this is a mistake so I will stop repeating it. Exhausted and scared that this job is not going to end up going well, but also more optimistic than I was so I guess that's something.

Xoxo,

J

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