October 31, 2001

Someone got shot right outside my building today. There were many intaresting reactions to the shooting. I heard many different versions of the story. From someone in a car shooting someone in another car over road rage all the way to a gangland turf battle. I heard one first hand account of the incedent that made it out to look like this is some sort of hard neighborhood. It isn't. The "witness" wanted to sound badass. I can, from what I directly observed, discount several of the "facts" in his story. Huntington Avenue, also refered to as "The Avenue of the Arts", had a shooting. I haven't yet been able to get any information that has any kind of provability to it but people are talking about it like they were right there when it happened and giving vastly different accounts. Someone died or someone was only slightly injured, there was one guy with a gun or there was a full fleged gunfight. All I saw was a big crowd of Boston Police cars and some news crews and a bullet hole in the windsheild of a car. It is much less scary if I believe that it was a turf war between rival gangs because I am not involved, but when I think of an innocent victim, then it is both literally and figurativly way too close to home. Some of the people who I heard talking about it seemed really glad that something like this happened so that they would have something to talk about. If you break the world down into decision trees and then start to think about how the victim's life would have been different had he followed a slightly different path through his day. had he paused for a second longer to take a breath right before he got in his car, had he driven a little slower on the freeway, had he chosen to sit and drink his coffee at home rather than rushing out the door. There is no way to determine before hand exactly what will happwn as you make these seemingly inconsequential decisions but when looked on in retrospect they are each an important factor in the outcome, any of them could have changed his day completely.

I wrote my first node today! I'm so excited. I've been an avid fan of everything2 for about a year, but was always too intimidated to write. But Iately the stuff I've been reading on the site has made me want to join this community and contribute. Now I want to write more! But I have to go study for an astrophysics midterm. Maybe I'll learn something to node about!

I'm sitting all alone

.. Not that that's particularily unusual, but that's what I'm spending my monday night doing. How often haven't I been sitting on this chair, staring on the Picasso sketch on the wall, not understanding a thing?

The sun is shining outside. People are outside. It's summer outside. But here I am. at a cafe with a laptop, staring at an unfinished Picasso. I hear the ice clink in my class when I take a sip of my Coke. I paid way too much for that.

Inter-human contact. Thank god they've found such a long and annoying phrase for it. The word describes what the word describes.

All anyone has said to me today was "That'll be £4, please".

If I'd been really philosophical, I would have questioned what I want with my life. But I'm not. So I don't. But I still wonder.

The sun is shining. I see people walking hand in hand. Smiling.

Personally, I'm looking forward to the winter. Then, at least, you can be as depressed as you want to.

Because the sun will be gone.

-30-

*wonders if he can get away with procrastinating on E2 all day*

I am really not in the mood for work. Everytime I even think of starting something I should be doing, my brain starts aching. I'm at the point in the program I'm writing that I have to ask questions of other people, and I really don't feel up to social interaction. To make things worse, people keep calling my phone number, wanting me to do things and tell them things and answer questions. I don't wanna answer questions!

Unfortunately, my work days have been like this a lot lately... partly because of the addiction that is E2, and partly because I've been aching for Anna so much more. My main aim is usually to make the day go as quickly as possible, to bring the moment where I see her next closer. It's not helping my productivity.

It also probably doesn't help that we didn't get much sleep last night. We both could have quite happily stayed up talking all night, but she had an exam this morning, so we thought we should get some sleep. The 5-6 hours we got were not enough, however.

So, it's Halloween. We're going rollerskating tonight, Travis and Chantelle are coming, so that should be cool; always good to have another couple there, so that Anna and I can be more affectionate to each other without making others uncomfortable. Well, without being the only ones making others uncomfortable. :o)

...

Anna was over last night, and it just felt really great, for some reason... a carry over from the weekend, I think. It just felt so great to be around her, to make her laugh and laugh along with her, to be completely comfortable with her; she's the only person I've ever been able to be myself with, or the closest I can get to myself. No self-consciousness.

She told me, or at least helped me figure out, what her tattoo means, which meant a lot to me; I'm the only person she's ever told (one other person has figured it out, however). It made sense.

We drove to Lilydale at 10pm, because she had a craving for chocolate pudding; we ended up buying the pudding, chocolate flavoured coffee, and a packet of Arnott's Kingstons, because she couldn't decide what she wanted the most. She looks so cute, buzzing around the supermarket, trying to find what she's looking for. The perfect woman to shop with, hehe, straight in and straight out. *grins*

Ahh, I guess I should actually work for the last hour and a half of the day. Bah.

---

Strange, I wonder what it is about this daylog that has garnered it so many downvotes? Meh.

back to October 29, 2001 | on to October 31, 2001

I got called into work today to cover for my friend. She won't be in until Friday now. See, her brother got hurt a couple of nights ago and she's gone to the hospital to be with him.

It appears that while he was waiting for his uncle to get a soda at a local 7-11, these three guys came up with a gun and made him drive to some other place, where they pistol whipped him and left him for.....well..left him and took the car. She is scared. I am scared.

The world has gone crazy. I don't watch the news because every other story is about some other case of anthrax. death, violence, sickness. Bad news overload. Occasionally I pick up the paper, I find myself avoiding the front page, opting for the entertainment section and then the want ads instead. I go looking for things that are light. Moments that make life worth living.

It rained today. First rain in months here. I danced in it. I danced to feel the moment. I danced to push the crud away for a while. I danced to get wet, and breathe in life. I needed that.

My daughter wrote something today. She is writing poetry now. Chip off the ole block. It made me cry, a good kind of cry. Know what I mean?

She is … Poem

She is…
A respectable, hard worker
Funny, a friend

She is…

As kind as a kitten
As clever as a cougar
Never forgets

She is…

A comforting mother
A responsible teacher
A smart student

She is…

Always honest
Rarely has nothing to say
Always has a pencil at hand

She is…

My mom

"I want to break your heart and give you mine forever"

I have been dating "Fred" for a little over two months now. From very early on in our relationship, I knew I was going to fall for him. Which I did....hard.

Let me give you some backround information on "Fred". He is a young, smart, fun, sexy guy, who has been perminatly blemished by his ex-girlfriend. She used, abused, and tossed him away like an old toy. She has continued to harass him even months after they have broken up.

I underdstand "Fred" has to come to terms with his past. I have told him I am in love with him, but due to the circumstances, I did not expect him to say I love you back. And well....he didn't.

Here is part of something I wrote to "Fred" last night:

"When I hold you, the rest of the world disapears. I feel safe, secure, comfortable in your amrs. You make me feel as if I am the most important person alive. I never want to leave your arms, and I am content lying there with you for hours. I find myself daydreaming at work about times spent with you. I want to break your heart, and give you mine forever."

Well today is Halloween and the school that I am does not allow the students to dress up. I guess I understand the reason for that as some costumes could be offensive, but let the students have fun with some clear ground rules.
Another school system has established some basic rules for those that would like to dress up.

Theme cannot be gore

Theme cannot be destruction

Cannot have a full face covering mask

Must be recognizable

The only problem with these rules is that they could be up for interpretation. I mean what really is gore and what is destruction? I guess it would be up to who set the rules, but it would seem that you might have a lot of upset students and it might just be easier to ban dress up.

I went for a job interview this past weekend in Delaware. If I get the job, I'll be moving in three weeks. This may not sound like a big deal to many people, but I have lived in the same city (practically the same house) for 22 years. That's 22 years of crap I either have to pack up or throw away. It gives me a headache to think about it.

Don't misunderstand me, this is what I want. The thought of moving makes my heart soar and my head rush. To live in a place where I can go to the grocery store and not run into three people I went to high school with...the very idea is heaven! I have wonderful parents and a great family, but I have realized in the last few months that I need to make a break from them...at least not live next door to them!!!

Also, I have met a wonderful person with whom I have fallen in love. He happens to live in Delaware. The relationship will be so much nicer when we are within driving distance of each other.

I have wondered over the last several weeks if this is actually the road I want to take. After spending this past weekend up there with him, and getting to know the area a little more, the answer is a resounding YES! I'm still waiting to hear about the job...I'll keep you all posted.

---

I got the job! I move in 3 weeks...wow

My friend Angela is driving me crazy. Every day she expects me to text message her with an exciting new fact about the world in which we live. So I come up with stuff like:

Some termites when under attack can make themselves explode, spraying their gooey insides over their attackers to incapacitate them.

Luis de Camoes was the greatest Portuguese Renaissance poet. He wrote The Lusiad, an epic poem describing the entire history of Portugal, and in particular Vasco da Gama's epic voyage around the coast of Africa to India.

When you flush the toilet it sends a fine spray of germs and viruses into the air. They remain airborne for up to 2 hours. Hide your toothbrush.

But That Is Not Enough. A few days ago she phoned me at work to give me her new email address and demand I send her some dirty jokes. I started explaining to her that I really didn't know any good dirty jokes, or even much in the way of bad ones, and then I remembered I was at work and 10 colleagues were in the same room, none of whom needed to hear contextless punchlines about leprechauns. Nonetheless, that very evening I despatched a package of semen-soaked funnies.

Then last night she texts me to complain she hasn't got any dirty jokes yet. We spend the duration of EastEnders exchanging messages, and establish that the very many mails I sent have vanished thanks to the uselessness of Yahoo Mail. I promise to try again today. I sent her more jokes today, some with sexy bits, and requested she reply. She has not.

The only thanks I get for any of this is her texting me to say "Ha ha you're so crazy. Where are the dirty jokes?" It is clear that if I was to provide regular shipments of gold-plated pizzas to her door with diamond-encrusted anchovies on top she would demand why I hadn't sent any platinum olives. Whenever I suggest she phones me, joins me for a friendly game of Texas Hold 'Em or buys me beer or motor-cars, she laughs and says "Ha ha you're so crazy." I am not crazy. I am a DSP engineer. I read ISO standards for a living.

The worst of it is I don't mind sending her stuff. I know at some time I will stop texting her a useful fact every day, because one of us will be dead. Or I will lose my phone again and when I call my number to find it a nice policeman will not reply. I don't know what today's fact will be. But it will not be "Ha ha From now on I'm only doing shit for you on a quid pro quo basis. Every word you send will be counted."

I am going to trial sometime next month.

A little history:

When I left LA at the end of July, I had decided that going through with the court case was going to be too much work, stress, and money. I was planning to plead out, because I could pay 100 dollars, take the little black mark on my record, the three years summary probation, and have it all be over. This plan was really great, until I ran it by my attorneys.

My attorneys said not to plead. They said the evidence in my favor was good enough that I could win without showing up. They said it would kill the civil suit. They kept talking until I gave in.

Then New York blew up. In the upsurge of nationalism, I became terrified of going to trial. I figured that this was perhaps the worst time ever to be tried for, essentially, unamerican activities.

I vacillated on whether I was going or not for a while. What finally convinced me was the prosecutor's behavior. I was given until October 23 to take the 100 dollar plea bargain deal, but before that day, the prosecutor cut it short. My attorney had to complain to the judge that he was being malicious to get the bargain reinstated. While this was going on, she was trying to get the prosecutor to go over the evidence with her to see if they could dismiss my case. He refused to even look at it.

October 23rd came and went, and I did not plead out. I decided that the prosecutor's behavior meant he probably knew he couldn't win in court, and was trying to force me to plead. I got angry. I decided I was not going to be pushed around, herded into pleading the way that I was herded into being shot and arrested.

I am going to trial sometime next month. If I lose, I may spend a few weeks in prison. If I win, I will sue the Long Beach Police Department into bankruptcy. Either way, it will be over soon.

To see how this started, please see my daylog for May 3, 2001.
For difficulties in dealing with court dates, please see my daylog for May 7, 2001.
The charges against me are listed on May 10, 2001.
For an account of my first arraignment hearing, please see my daylog for May 24, 2001.
For an account of my bad dealings with my codefendants, please see my daylog for May 30, 2001.
For an account of my second arraignment hearing, please see my daylog for June 22, 2001.

Update 2:17pm

I think everyone has forgotten or is ignoring the afor-mentioned bomb threat. Nothing has gone boom yet either way.

Update 9:20am

HOLY SHIT There was just a bomb threat against our building!

This is the first time anything like this has every happened to me. I'm not sure if I like it or not. We are in the top floor (3 stories) of an office building in Chilliwack, British Columbia, and are really out in the boonies. There's a college on the second floor, and a coffee shop and barber shop on the ground floor. The guys figure that the police should check who is writing a test today :)

I'm not sure how well it was told to us (the programmers though). The CIO came on the PA system and said "I don't want to alarm anyone but there was a bomb threat made against the building. The police are here and are investigating, but they don't think there is any cause for alarm. I'll let you know more when I am updated." Is that a really good way to break something like this to us? I didn't think so! One of our coders (Darth Maul, see below) is talking about going home and working through his VPN. I personally don't think there's any danger, so I'm not really worried. Honest, I'm not! I will update as I know more.

8:30am
Once again my costume for halloween was that of a linux c programmer. Coincedentally that's not a big stretch for me, and the needed material for the costume were readily available in my closet. There were a couple of others who did dress up though. One of our java guys came as Darth Maul, and he pulls it off well, as he has the right build for it. One of our salesdroids came wearing middle-eastern dress with a paper bullseye taped to his back. A bit tasteless IMHO, but you knew someone was going to do it. Of course, I've been hearing on the radio that kids are dressing up as anthrax letters...

I think work today will consist of fixing bugs in the authentication server that I wrote last week and helping our web guy tie it into a perl module for Apache. Other than that, bugs, bugs, and more bugs.

Upside: I get to boogie on out of here early today.
Downside: I have to go to a dentist appointment.

At least the gym is a little easier to get up for these days since the time change. Somehow 6am doesn't feel so bad. I hope it keeps going like this. Going to bed when my body still thinks that it's 9pm is pretty weird though. Unfortunately you really can't get rid of one without getting rid of the other.

"Happy New Year!"

That's what I heard when I played my answering machine messages this morning. *sigh* Some guys are still getting it right. Too bad it wasn't the one who claims to love me.

Because of being in On the Verge, my costume plans are shot to hell. I intended to be Supergirl today, but a bearded Supergirl is just too scary. Instead, I guess I'll be going as a disgruntled college student today. Ah well.

Laying aside the deeper meaning of today for a moment, Halloween is supposed to be fun. For kids and adults alike. This year, however, it's difficult to ignore the unpleasantness in favor of celebration without the aid of some trusted mind-altering chemicals. I can't escape it...it's there when I open a newspaper, it's there when I turn on the television, and it infiltrates my classrooms. That we would discuss current events in Old Testament seems logical, but Advanced Spanish? Voice and Diction? I don't want to become a hermit, hiding in media blackout from the truth, but dwelling helplessly on matters I can't change has a very draining effect after a while! All this, and I'm expected to get up in front of the student body with the other "theatre people" tonight and demonstrate the audience participation before Rocky Horror tonight.

Yeah.

Let's do the Time Warp Again

It was first thin layer of snow here in Tampere, Finland. By now it's gone but. And it's raining cats and dogs.

Therefore, I must still love running because I went out to make 52 minutes there and after first 15 minutes, which were horribly cold, I enjoyed myself - clearing my mind - and running. I saw only one other person running there; and he wasn't running after a missed bus!

Last week I visited Poland... well, not Poland but Iwonka and then I flew to Strasburg for a long weekend. There I met totally six people from Belfast where I spent the last year studying at Queen's. Four, and especially two of those 6 I knew better. Strasburg is a magnificient city with all those old buildings.

And then, the European Parliament. Okay, I may say if insisted that I'm an anarchist. I.e. a dangerous bomb throwing rebel. ;-)
I visited the Parliament and of course they had a security control with metal detectors and lots of security staff. I had a mobile and a camera in my pockets and of course the detector beeped. A security personnel asks something in French I don't understand since I don't speak the language. Fatima, my friend, translates that she asked if I have something in my pockets. I say in English that there's a mobile there. The guard nods, says "okay" and points me to enter the building without checking me. There we go, I could have had anything with me; pretty easy.

Actually, there were only two, well three, negative points in my visit to Strasburg:

1. I saw many (freaky) dreams but didn't feel up to memorize them properly at mornings.
2. When I left Monday morning I felt really bad realizing I won't see Fatima for a long time, if ever.
3. Whenever I had a moment to think on my own I missed Iwonka.

But when I got back to Finland, the bus trip from airport to Tampere was nothing but wiiide smile because Iwonka SMSed me she will be coming for the New Year! Yahooo!!!
There's so much else I could mention about those five days with Iwonka but I think this day log is boring enough without clumsily trying to express my feelings, which were extremely positive.

Then, really some soft landing back to Uni: 10 hours at Uni and I even skipped the last two... Today wasn't any better although instead of moulding inside the university buildings we had a visit to Tamfelt and I should be writing a report about it right now. Tomorrow's just as horrible and I won't know nothing about Halloween - well, fair enough, it's not that much celebrated here in Finland as far as I'm aware - because the deadline of a programming practical is already sharpening its scythe. I really hope all this will some day turn out to be worthwhile.

I wonder if an occasional cannabis smoker should donate blood..? It is said ganja is detectable after many months. There would have been a chance to donate at the Uni today...

I was also told I snore but not that loudly..

I am beginning to really worry about myself. My temper is much shorter. I am more combative with coworkers. I'm depressed.

Perhaps it is the end of Daylight Saving Time, or that I can't ride my bike to work anymore.

My problem is, I'm not totally sure what to do about it.

if i have ever said that i love you, i did--and do. if you've ever loved me, all i can say is 'i'm sorry'. my head is cloudy again and i want for january. should neither the goblins nor my own personal demons have their way with me tonight, i shall be back...

there are times that i feel, at the fault of no one else, that the beauty has gone from life and no matter where i look i see only grey. i know what i told you but it's often difficult for me to follow the seemingly simple wisdom of the words i've woven for you.

it hurts me to feel and kills me to not feel and i am spinning...

spinning and spinning and waiting to fall.

twilight is going and i must be off but there is beauty. trust me--i've seen it--and dreams. i happened across this again today and thought of so many people. i hope you each know who you are:

A dream is a microscope through which we look at the hidden occurrences in our soul.

i believe this like i've never believed anything else

Today was an abnormal day.

Our choral department put on some sort of presentation this morning about patriotism. As usual, I passed on the two dollar admission and spent the time in a study hall.

It still vexes me that they charge admission to their activities. Is the band the only organization that doesn't whore itself with art?

In any case, I heard all sorts of threatening rumors. "Don't go to the mall tonight," they said. Silly paranoid yuppies. I'm sure an anti-American terrorist has better things to do on Halloween night than go shopping at Sears. I wonder if kids had hoaxes like this during World War 2?

In real news, the local post office has been closed temporarily, along with the nearby chemical plant. Who knows what could have prompted this.

I'm going to a Halloween party in a few hours, but I still don't have a costume. Last year my last-minute costume was a heroin addict. I traced over my veins with a blue marker, put band-aids on my arms, and wore a sleeveless Smashing Pumpkins shirt. I'm sure I'll find something unique and creative, amongst the mass of "anthrax letters" and "terrorists" and "jumbo jets."

---

Updatage: No, nothing blew up tonight (to my knowledge), as expected. My costume turned out to be an animal control worker. I ran around in a pair of overalls and a pet carrier thing. Not too interesting, but quite unique. Definitely good for the ten minutes I spent on it. Candy turnout was acceptable; I'll be busy for about a week.

Well, I'd like to add a writeup to the long list of writeups above I would like to node about Halloween in Austria and Germany. I live in Austria, a small county in the middle of Europe, rather useless actually, and what I can say about Halloween in Germany is what I've seen on TV (yes, we do have television in Austria, believe it or not).

Halloween has been around for a very long time in America I suppose, but in the last years, some people started thinking about introducing Halloween here too. I really don't have a problem with people having fun on Halloween and I don't say I do not like the idea, but the whole thing is so different here than in the USA. No, I have never been to the USA, but people who are "celebrating" Halloween here haven't either.

I have to admit that I don't really know, but I believe that people in America are for the most part little children, who do really enjoy Halloween because it is Halloween. Now the people here don't seem to really enjoy it, they just seem to do it, because it's american (I don't want to say I don't like american people, but here in Austria and perhaps Germany too, anything that's american seems to be "cool"). So while children in America like going from house to house, and perhaps the older people like to shock their friends or whatever, the children here think, "Hey. Is that American?! WOW THIS IS AMERICAN! WHEE I HAVE TO DO THIS", and the older people (including the people on television, what comes to my mind at the moment is MTV Germany) probably think, "Hey, I'm doing this, because it's american but I don't want to admit it".

Of course, not everybody is thinking the same, but the people celebrating Halloween really seem to have this opinion on it. But actually it's funny to see how all these people make fun of themselves. ;)

*sigh*

after two years (god, has it been that long?!) of me being a random pain in the arse, Starrynight and i are going to dinner this evening. mmm...*shivers of anticipation* i get to have dinner with a real geek, who likes sushi and tea, and doesn't vomit at the mention of a macintosh. wow. jane is most amused by the thought.

so the costume this year is a repeat of 1998's iabelili from the haunted house's rotating room. so, here i sit, looking like the most punk-fucking-rock butterfly the world has ever seen. the faeries wear boots...aww, yeah. i'm kinda goofy, today, in case you hadn't noticed.

another one of those fantastic "sleep is for the weak" days. i think i'll stop at the store on the way home and buy 3lbs. of tootsie rolls and eat them all myself. i have the metabolism of a hummingbird, and no patience for trick-or-treaters. i mean, jeez, i'm an antisocial geek, what do you expect?

*sigh*

sometimes i miss real people...the ones you go to who tell you that all your other friends are inherently insane because they are part of "the scene", whatever it is where you are, and that the two of you are moderately more sane, having managed to penetrate the incomprehensible edifice only very slightly, and only when trying. damn, i love that boy. he takes such good care of my brain for me...

but, oh! the moment approaches!!! only 20 more minutes in which to pretend to work before the bishonen comes to rescue me from my faux toil!

Birthdays are special things to me. To me a birthday is a day of celebration and thanks, a show of appreciation. In my family a bithday has always been a persons day. A day where we would get up early, walk their dogs for them, make the breakfast, take them wherever, and go do whatever they wanted to. A day where we told them that they were important to us, and we wanted them to be happy.

My fiance has never had a birthday like that. 5 days from now i hope to give her the most pampering and celebration she has ever had. 3 days from now she and i will be having a combined party, where you can come and tell her you like having her in your lives too.

Happy almost birthday my love.

Well, this was a fun Halloween. I spent the evening sitting in my front yard under the full moon instead of running to the door to meet the trick or treaters. I had a tiny grill in which I had a tiny fire burning and blankets and beach chairs. Basically I just burnt twigs, pinecones and pine needles. I love fires. The smell was wonderful. The kids and parents hung around a bit instead of the usual candy grab and run to the next house move. We had actual conversations.

Conversations with friends and strangers just seem to be more common in general now. We all seem to feel a need to connect. Perhaps that was my motivation in building my little campfire, to draw my "tribe" into my little imaginary circle of protection. Symbolic themes seem to permeate life these days. It has been about 6 weeks since the 9-11 attack but we are still assimilating.

Our local talk radio has been droning on and on with speculation about "Is Halloween more dangerous this year because of the increased security alert warnings?" 9-11 has affected us in so many ways, large and small, but this particular idea seems pretty silly to me. The kids are spread out, they are not concentrated in any one area. My subjective reaction is that it feels most dangerous to be in areas of concentrated humanity right now. Most years the radio is full of warnings about dangerous costumes or unescorted children and that parents should inspect all candy. Suddenly this year, the big worry is terrorists will somehow be able to net all the trick or treaters? It just doesn't make sense. I need this constant news coverage and speculation about the next disaster to stop. The last few months have been so full of family/friend sickness/death and and universal disaster. I'm just ready to move on with life and I don't want endless speculation about what else could go wrong.

We have a lot of kids dressed up as Harry Potter this year. Harry Potter has been very good for me, a distraction and an escape....I'm glad I started reading the series later than most so still have a few books to look forward to.

I feel like such a loser for writing so many daylogs, but it's hard to hold a thought these days. I don't feel that such random thoughts belong anywhere else.

I got this fortune cookie with my Mandarin Chicken a few days ago, and it had lotto numbers on the back, even a Pick 3. I felt compelled to play them. The drawing for Powerball is tonight at 10. I played my birthday and Carson's too. 47 million.

I know I won't win, but still it's fun to dream, though it'd be easier with a dollar amount I can conceptualize, like $100,000. I could make that go fast, but 47 million? I know some things I would do. I would pay off all my loans, of course. Then I'd buy my parents home from them, this house they'll never finish remodeling, so they can retire in comfort, without worry. Then I would give enough money to Billy and Brenda so they could buy their own building in the Quarter and have proper space to have church services. Depending, I'd pay for Carson to go to school and buy us both new cars, giving our old ones away to people like Maggie and Dale. Pay all the people I owe money too. Ooh, and Sandi, too, get her out of debt.

But I won't win. And since I like to dream, playing the lotto might become a habit if I let it, and that would just be scary. I mean, all I really did was waste $5 and became one of the statistics, thinking someone deep down, money will cure things. If having someone to love you unconditionally (or conditionally) can't magically cure your woes, money certainly cannot. That's why I can only think to do with money or things what I do with love: give it away as an investment.

OK, I'm sure I'm not the only one to have experienced this; in fact I'm sure there must be a writeup on this under some other name I have not been able to find.

This is about what I'll henceforth refer to as 'The Everything Head Rush Effect'.

I find this occurs to me almost every time I get up after an hour or so of random node-lurking; I feel as if I'd just crammed so much information into my head that I'm left completely mind-numb.

For some reason, I find this kind of cool, actually. I am quite sure all of the data I absorb at each sitdown eventually settles itself into place, opening new neural pathways and filling random knowledge/understanding holes all over my brain.

This is my first daylog so here goes. . . Today was busy, but I got a lot done.

I had a hard time staying awake on the bus ride to campus. So as soon as I got to the biochem building I went and got life giving coffee.

In Biochem lecture we started the unit on DNA and nucleic acids. Most of it was review so in lieu of listening to the lecture I opted to read a chapter in polysci. I went to political science, then lunch and then sat I around waiting for biochem lab.

Biochem lab got out early, so I ended up sitting in front of the academic building for two hours reviewing biochem and doing next weeks prelab.

Had a meeting with my advisor at 4:00. So it looks like I'll be taking Molecular Genetics, Biochem II, History of Science, my last phys ed class (hopefully bowling again), and BIOL 491 which is working in a prof's lab helping with research.

It looks like I have another busy day tomorrow and I've already stayed up to late feeding my newfound e2 addiction.

Song in my Head:
Time Trap by Built to Spill
t's barely yours on loan
What you think you own
The place that you call home
The ideas in your bones
This would still feel dumb
Back where you're from
Do you want to change your mind
Cause you could never know that
In a time trap
Guess that's all fair now because
Guess that's all there ever was
Gray and sprawling
Save your crawling
Do you want to save your life

My book club, which meets once a month, decided to meet on Halloween. We had decided that in addition to giving out candy, we would also give out BOOKS. Several people brought kid's books they'd purchased half-price. Several of us cleared off unwanted tomes from our bookshelves.

The first bunch of kids who arrived at the door after we began looked at the basket full of candy and books. We asked them about their costumes, and told them we were giving books. The two kids got excited, made their book choices, and vamoosed down the driveway, eshewing the candy. We gave some kids books to bring to their parents, waiting at the end of the driveway. Later on, when the older (young teen) trick-or-treaters came, and we gave them a handful of candy and a book, they thought we were a tad strange, but one guy said "OK, I need to read a book."