This is a how to of sorts, that will explain how to appear (pretend, if you will) intoxicated, while remaining sober, and having copious amounts of fun at the same time.

First things first, round up some shot glasses. Line them up however you wish, it's not overly important, just make sure you have them.

Now, add water to each, yes, water. You may choose to add a little food colouring to create the look of an alcoholic beverage.

Oh, I forgot to mention, you'll want to round up a few friends, it's not quite so much fun on your own.

Upon reaching this stage, you are ready to commence with the faux-drunkin-ness. (All members must be willing to participate, or they'll just end up spoiling it for you). Proceed to drink the shots as you would alcohol, possibly having contests to see who can "down" the most quickest, etc. The more water you drink, the more fake-drunk you have to be. I swear, this is really fun. Just go with it.

Another good way to create the illusion of being drunk is to put a bottle of juice in a paper bag, and park yourself on some street corner. (Splashing water on your crotch will also help create the image). Try not to get arrested. :)

No painful, messy hang-overs, just good clean fun.

I drink
while I write
in a big empty room
called America.
And the TV's on.

I stumble
by myself
past monuments and brick yards;
the children, lest they be forgotten,
carve their stories,
on the pavement
into the land
with chalk.

I mourn
in my desperation
for truth, which is everywhere,
or beauty, that I find between them all,
and language, such is---

I distract
myself from myself
you from your world
reason from matter
a dead-weighted pen from the
fire inside.

Without reflection
I am movement.
In hindsight,

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