I discovered this limited edition artifact in the men's toilets of a large restaurant in the Chicago suburbs when I was there with my girlfriend and her best friend. I had just unzipped my trousers and my gaze had wandered idly downwards, only to be confronted by Osama Bin Laden's face, dark shadows on a white surface, just like that famous picture of Che Guevara where he is staring off-camera thinking "I'm the shit, y'all."

For a moment I didn't know what to do. I laughed, in a kind of perplexed way. I leaned closer to see what was written on the urinal pad, above and below Osama's face:

"Have yourself a session
Relieve all your aggression
Be the Terminator
With your Urinator!"

There was also a telephone number, which presumably one could call should one wish to purchase more of the Osama pee pads. For a moment I couldn't bring myself to piss on his face, even the really poor reproduction that was there, but I transcended my reluctance, reluctantly, and let go. While I listened to the peaceful patter of piss on the picture pad, trying not to make eye contact with Osama, I thought about the enormous gulf between the cultures involved. I wondered what he would think if he knew there was a company manufacturing urinal pads with his face on them - would he think it was funny? Hideous? Irrelevant? Would he shout "The glorious fire of Allah will consume your degenerate lifestyle!", or would he just nod quietly, sip a glass of water, and feel confirmed in his intent to destroy the USA? Who knows.

Anyway, I decided I had to have this item, because otherwise no one at home would believe me. I returned to the toilets when we were about to leave, waited until there was no one there, grabbed the nearest pad, washed it in the sink and stuffed it down my trousers. The girls were highly amused and only slightly grossed-out, and now I have Osama in my toilet at home. It was only later that I read this article in The Onion:

Life imitates fiction imitating life.

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