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True story.

Bar patron: Hi. Lemme have the usual.

Bartender: Hey, where you been? Haven't seen you in weeks.

Bar patron: Had to go out of town.

Bartender: Yeah? Where?

Bar patron: I was in Brooklyn.

Bartender: Brooklyn, New York?

Bar patron: Yeah.

Bartender: We're in Brooklyn now, asshole.

Bar patron: Shit! I'm still here?!

Bartender: Yeah. You've been a regular at this bar for over a year.

Bar patron: My wife is gonna be pissed.


A well dressed and very sped-up guy spoke exasperatedly and hushedly to his friend as they walked in. If I hadn't been bussing a table right by them I might not have heard, but he was still speaking more loudly than he thought he was.

Guy:
Next time will you pleeeease not just whip it out right away? We didn't know that limo driver, he might not have been cool. I could tell Sheila was weirded out. We want to impress them, remember?!

friend:
What, the drugs or my unit?

the guy:
Well, either, really! But especially the shit, man. At least the emergence of your dick wasn't surprizing anyone.

friend:
heh..heh..the blow or the blow? heh.

the guy, rolling his dilated pupils to oblivion:
yeah, you really just crack yourself up, don't ya. Yeah, we're all really amused.

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