I kneel beside her, as I have every morning since we started sharing our sleep and our dreams together. Her raven colored hair spreads out like the wings of an angel against the stark white pillow. The sunlight that fights its way through the curtains ignites random strands a fiery amber, and spills down across her face and neck like a river of flame. Even while she swims in a deep sleep I can see the faintest smile traced across her lips, as if she's found the most profound peace within her dreams. I feel like I could kneel here forever, absorbing that peace through my skin made porous from years living in the shadow of her warmth.
I would often rise before her, spending those few waking moments next to her, gazing into her, loving her ever more as consciousness invaded my mind and body. She always joked that she required more 'beauty sleep' and that is why I arose before her so regularly. I had never heard of anything more absurd in my entire life. Beauty was defined by her form, lying still on my bedsheets. I always saw God's promise lying there in front of me, and it was a constant reminder of His promise to both me, and everyone in this world - to love us all and to be with us always. God had made perfection, in his own image, and that reality smacked me in the face every time I looked at her. He had created an angel, so glorious that even his own muse, herself, could not find the lyrics to complete the song my heart sang every time our eyes met.
I once told her, with the utmost conviction that I would most certainly die for her. As our days together passed I came to the conclusion that it was not as important to pledge ones own death for another, as it was to pledge ones own life. It was with that epiphany that I promised to live my life for her every single day, until time's glass ran out of sand. That promise I have kept. As well I should have, for I owe her my life.
I spent a great portion of my life preparing for her, and I didn't even know it. Every relationship prior was merely a stepping stone, bringing me closer ot the one I was born to be a husband to, and to raise a family with. My entire moral fiber was woven by her hand. I went through life stacking up accomplishments like cordwood, not knowing that I was preparing for a fire; that my life previous was merely a burnt offering for our future together. My angel lit that fire, and it ignited many other flames that lined the paths of our lives.
Fear, after all these years, finally had no foothold in my life. It was burned up along with many other trivialities that littered my thoughts before I joined my life with hers. I felt that I could go anywhere, and do anything as long as she was by my side.
Our attitude as we ran through life was not unlike the brashness of a precocious child without a care in the world, yet tempered with the dash cunning derived from the wisdom of our combined years. We were both the unstoppable force, and the immovable object in each others lives. She said that I gave her the courage to do all those things that she had not done before because she was afraid. I told her that she made me whole, and that she was that someone to replace the innocence that is stolen from everyone at the conclusion of their youth. I thanked her every day by trying to make God himself a liar, and love her more than he did. God, in his infinite wisdom, makes that impossible by only allowing us on earth a limited number of years to complete our journey. I would never have believed exactly how limited those years would be for us.
One day she came to me and informed me that she was going away to a place that I could not follow. The reality of the situation was that she would not allow me to follow her down that path. For some reaosn she felt that she needed to do it alone. It would not be the first time we weren't by each others side, and that was not what was eating away at me. It was the emptiness in her gaze, as if the wisps of smoke from a thousand spent torches clouded her eyes. Something was terribly wrong, but I had vowed to trust her implicitly, and that was what I was going to do. My mouth tried to protest, but my mind, remembering my promise to her, would forget how to say the words. Before I even realized what was happening she was gone.
Sometimes people love one another so much, that they would do anything to keep the other from feeling pain. Knowing that we were not long for this world together, she tried to put as much distance between us as possible, so as to soften the blow I would feel when she had to leave me forever. Yet no matter how much physical distance seperated us, our souls never stopped pulling us back together, to be as one.
It is that force that has brought me back here one last time, to say the words that I've spoken to her every morning without fail.
"I have loved you every day of my life..."
My voice trails off, and I pause as she cracks open her eyes. I look at her and all at once her entire soul fills me up until I think I'll burst. I reach out to her, trying to steady my trembling body. She can feel the warmth of my touch against her hand. A single tear takes shape on her face and makes a glistening path down her cheek. For a moment I see that flame once again in her eyes, and I break down and cry. I had sworn to her I would be strong, but soon my cheeks were damp with broken promises. Her cheeks, however, were glowing with a love for me that would outlive the world itself.
I lean over her, and with a breathless whisper I finish my thought. "...and today, I love you more."
She smiles an almost indecipherable smile that only I can feel. She closes her eyes as I gently cradle her hand, and she draws in a slow, deep breath. She can feel strong arms wrapping around her, pulling her in so close that the only thing separating her from that love is the sound of hearts beating...together. I wish it were my heart pressing against her delicate skin one last time, but it is not.
It's just God, keeping one last promise.