This is one of those
traumatized-during but laugh-your-ass-off-later stories that happen while you’re completely not expecting it. It happened a little over 2 years ago, not long after our family had moved into a new apartment.
My boyfriend (long since became an ex) and I were in the house alone, having
sex in my bedroom. After a while, the doorbell rang and we both looked at each other with the “Aw,
shit” face and I climbed out of bed.
“I bet it’s just one of my goddamned friends trying to come eat my food and play my
video games.” I looked at him and got an idea, and a very
evil grin spread over my face. “Well, I’ll show them…I’ll just answer the door with only my
panties on.” Mhmm…wonderful idea, wasn’t it?
So I pulled on a tiny pair of
panties and walked to my
bedroom door, pulled it open, turned the corner sharply to the left, and walked out into the living room, with my size 34 DD’s showing. I walked through the living room and to the front door, accompanied by my black and white
cat, Luna. I reached for the doorknob and turned it, and I’d had it open about an inch when my boyfriend peeked around the corner at me.
“Psst…hun…it’s a
cop!”
And I stopped
dead in my tracks.
My mind raced, and I could feel my cheeks turn bright red from embarrassment. Thoughts about what to do
zoomed through my head. I couldn’t very well close the door now, not with it already open a little bit, and not since there was a
cop on the other side…but I couldn’t finish opening the door! But obviously this was important so I should answer the door regardless…but it’d be mortifying! But, but, but…
So I did what any partially
sane person would do. I bent down, scooped up Luna, and held him across my
breasts, and opened the door. After the opening of the door, events were as follows:
Me (trying to act
cool and
calm): “Hi! Can I help you?”
Cop (
blinking, almost sputtering): “Um…yeah…uh…hello…um…yes, actually…”
Me (smiling, with
cat squirming unhappily): “Are you here to see my
parents?”
Cop (extremely embarrassed): “Ah, no, not necessarily, I just wanted to ask if you happened to know who lived here before you…”
Me (all bright and smiling, with
cat digging
claws in
shoulder): “Yes! My stepfather’s
mother used to live here, but she moved. May I ask why?”
Cop (blinking): “I…uh…we’re looking for a man who may have lived here a few years ago…but I guess you don’t know…”
Me (even brighter,
bleeding from
cat slashes): “Nope, don’t know. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help!”
Cop (starting to very slightly get over it): “It’s alright…really…have a, um, nice day…miss.”
And then he turned and stumbled back to his
cop car as I closed the door…Luna howled and ran into the
kitchen with his
pride hurt…and I crawled back into bed with my boyfriend, completely traumatized, in need of a serious
hug, complete with
cookies and
milk.
That
cop is probably still telling this story ‘til this day.