THE QUEST: Ever wonder why writeups about sex and drugs have big, faster and stronger reps than writeups like glycosaminoglycan? Ever been put to sleep by a How To that read more like a Been There, Done That? Yeah, that's right...even those people who know how to pronounce glycosaminoglycan would rather read about getting it on in sultry tropical climes while snorting illegal substances off of stacked gold bars. BUT WHY SHOULD PROSE HAVE ALL THE FUN?

CHECK IT: Anyone can write a factual writeup, but only those with the skillz to pay the billz can make it exciting. We all have short attention spans and that means if it ain't rockin', we don't want to know.

YOUR QUEST: Take the mundane and the uninteresting and give it to us in all its glory. Show us just how exciting an oil change can be, while giving us all the information we'll need to try it ourselves (and trust me, we'll want to if you get this right). Tell us about Yttrium and then tell us what makes it so freaking awesome. Your writeup needs to explain AND entertain.

THE RULES:

  • Just take your sassy, sterling prose style and merge it with your encyclopedic knowledge and BOOM! Sexy results!
  • Absolutely no “How to” in your titles. Action words are cool. “Mowing the lawn” is way cooler than “How to mow the lawn.”
  • No fancy or wacky titles. "Mowing the lawn" is what the title would be, not "Tales of running barefoot through the sprinkler as the dancing blades remove the wet grass" The title is as mundane as the topic.
  • No bullshit allowed i.e. don’t make shit up.
  • Make it funny, make it interesting, make it compelling but please don’t make me late for dinner. Don't take it too far, don't go over the edge, it has to make sense and be factual.
  • DO NOT put a note in your writeup referencing this quest, we write for the database and for the ages. Let us know you have submitted to the quest. That is all you need to do.
  • ROCK YOUR TOPIC TO ITS FULLEST EXTENT! Forget your two cents, we want your whole damn dollar.

THE WARNING: Just because this is a quest doesn’t mean that the men who fly the black helicopters won’t come for your ass if you fail to meet the criteria. They will and you will have no protection from us if you have gone astray.

CONCEPTUAL THOUGHT: No one wants to write about these topics. They are boring to read about and boring to write about! I want to write about great, exciting things! I want to pull my pants down in church! This is your challenge! Go insane on the mundane!

SO MANY QUESTIONS: One noder asked "Would fantasy baseball be something you would consider for the quest?" Is that really ordinary and is it something people would expect to find nothing interesting about? Think more along the lines of the bases. What can you tell us about the bases used in baseball, the origins, what they are made of, what they have been made of in the past, how to buy them for your company softball team, etc. Think of a topic that isn't easy to make exciting and then make it so.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE: This quest sponsored by TheDeadGuy and supported by Chiisuta who wrote most of this. Quest will run for two weeks, officially ending on May 4, 2004. This is NOT a hard deadline, any exceptional writeups submitted after that date will still be honored.

AND ANOTHER THING: If you feel that you have done exceptional work here that would have qualified if it had been submitted during the quest, let one of the people below know and if we feel it qualifies, we'll show it some love. We're no longer linking any examples below, far too many have come in.

Here are your contacts for the quest:


Any of these individuals can help you with questions, recommendations, submissions or examples.

VOTING IS COMPLETE. SUCCESSFUL ENTRIES WERE THOSE AGREED UPON BY THE EDITORS NAMED ABOVE TO HAVE FULFILLED THE OBJECTIVES OF THE QUEST. WRITEUPS BY EDITORS AND ADMINS WERE TOSSED OUT OF THE VOTING ROUND. EDITORS WERE ASKED TO ABSTAIN IN VOTING FOR WRITEUPS THEY WERE UNCERTAIN ABOUT OR THOSE WRITTEN BY CLOSE FRIENDS.

THIS DOES NOT MEAN THOSE NOT LISTED AS "SUCCESSFUL" WERE LESS VALUABLE WRITEUPS, THEY WERE ONLY CONSIDERED FOR THE QUEST IF THEY WERE QUALITY WRITEUPS. SUCCESSFUL ENTRIES WILL RECEIVE 20XP BLESSINGS AND CONSIDERED WRITEUPS WILL RECEIVE A 10XP BLESSING. THIS INCLUDES THE HONORABLE MENTIONS. THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.

SUCCESSFUL ENTRIES:

  • Auger electron spectroscopy by RMSzero
  • Yttrium by Footprints
  • Protractor by Iguanaonastick
  • Multiplication tables by dutchess
  • Etiquette by muse142
  • Baked potato and Steak for the non-griller by Scribe
  • Phrygia by drownzsurf
  • Stencil by atriumjake
  • Arame by oakling
  • Burrito by Jonkavelli
  • Raking by Bodger

    • ENTRIES THAT WERE CONSIDERED:

    HONORABLE MENTION:
    Writeups submitted for the quest whose topics were not really mundane, but rock on their own merits:

    • Shrek the Merino by Heisenberg (are weird sheep really mundane?)
    • Stocking by tokki (if you node one of TheDeadGuy's fetishes, he can't exactly call it mundane, can he?)
    • A case of cheap booze by montecarlo (an intriguing and engaging tale of some cheap brandy and Moldavia)
    • Toaster by everyone: Does not qualify since it was conceived by yours truly and involved a large number of co-writers, but it was meant as an over the top example of a quest writeup. No blessings will be given, this is just shameless self-promotion.