Well, well… another E2 gathering and another E2 gathering write up.


For the HOTDAMN gathering, the great one had to talk me into going. Now, it’s my turn!

Here are the top ten reasons why you should attend Revenge of Nature Trail to Hell (in 3-D): A Very Appalachian E2 Gathering... OF DOOM! at Czeano’s cabin in the woods.

10.   You’ll have something new to node!
9.     Czeano will be recruiting citizens for Czeanistan.
8.     To be in touch with nature.
6.     Hiking and frolicking in fresh mountain springs.
5.     Becca makes a mean cookie.
4.     You’ll become a card carrying member when you come.
3.     It’s a cabin in the woods with alcohol and noders! What else do you need???
2.     Noders are cool as hell!
1.     Okay, okay… I’ve got your reason… right here!

My Offerings:

Need a ride? I will be living in North Carolina by the time of the gathering!!! I can pick people up from the airport (Charlotte, NC has a big airport) and return them safely. Just talk to me about the times first!

Yeah, and like czeano said:
Conserve Water: Shower in Pairs!

Oh poop.
I will not be able to make it.
My coworker just jetted off to Jordan. I won't be able to get any time off. I apologize. Um, disregard all of the following.

Swarms of rabid soymilk-guzzling lesbian monkeys couldn't keep me away from this bash!

Did I mention that I REALLY like mountains and cabins and clean clean air that smells like thunderstorm?

Mapquest says that Lola the Corolla and I will be putting in a 7 hour and 32 minute bonding session to get to Noderville. Please come to this bash and make it worth my while!

I want to see all of you! I want to tickle you! I want to hear your stories! I want to make you laugh! I want to do the hokey pokey!

impy-impy haha's packing list:
1. A big, ugly hat. Preferably purple. Or orange. Or leopard print. gaudy!
2. Hot Blondes. um, I mean Blondies. You know, the brownies that aren't brown...?
how will i keep them hot?
3. Enough bug spray to keep EDB away
4. A BIKINI! Because we're going to SWIM!
7. Finger paint, because we are going to make a masterpiece
8. hugs. Hugs for all.
9. Don't look at me like that! I can't bring liquor! I'm only 19!
10. Extraordinary smoothie-making skills! You supply blender.

I love you guys.

I got me a Honda, it's the size of a trout,
and I'm headin' on down to a dirt shack.
I got me a Honda, it doesn't seat many,
so hurry up! --and bring a girl named Jenny!

"As a member of the armed services, specifically the branch that makes flying killy-things, I cannot stress enough what disappointment I would feel to be without qeyser's presence in North Carolina next month... Oh indeed. In fact, I would anticipate being so distraught that I would be beyond all consolation - save for the possibility of his participating in some of my free-lance field research in low altitude rocketry aerodynamics."

--Official Statement from Jurph's Publicity Reps.

My reputation apparently precedes me, so I won't be bringing explosives, but I will be bringing guests in my now-infamous Honda. At least two of them if all goes well, with none tied to the hood. At the very least, there will be one mystery non-noder who some of you may know, and another mystery non-noder who some of you definitely know. I promise the following about my mystery guests:

And because I'm a helluva guy, I'm bringing some stuff to eat and drink. Vernor's ginger ale, perhaps a corn pone... I think a drum of pretzels or at least some Pizzeria Pretzel Combos. One mystery guest, for those of you playing along at home, will probably be bringing Jameson Irish Whiskey, one will probably bring some rum and some Coke, and I will be bringing The Blue Drink, concentrated form, and Sprite. Ethanol, though not my drug of choice, mixes well with most oxidizers. Oh, and qeyser? I've got your dialogue....RIGHT HERE.

I can neither confirm nor deny the identity of the mystery guests.

I will tie Qeyser to the hood of my Honda: A dialogue

{QEYSER and CZEANO are reclining in the Chatter Box}

QEYSER: So I heard that HOT DAMN was quite an event.

CZEANO: It was like seeing God in the face. And I met jessicapierce.

QEYSER: Spiffy, too bad that I can't make make your gathering, what with my moving to a new city that weekend . . .

{JURPH Enters.}

JURPH: Hey qeyser . . .

QEYSER: Yes Jurph,

JURPH: As a member of the armed services, specifically the branch that makes flying killy-things, I cannot stress enough what disappointment I would feel to be without your presence in North Carolina next month.


JURPH: Oh indeed. In fact, I would anticipate being so distraught that I would be beyond all consolation - save for the possibility of your participating in some of my free-lance field research in low altitude rocketry aerodynamics.

QEYSER: You mean the hood of your Honda again?



CZEANO: Oh indeed.


I am going to attend, this, my first e2 gathering. I have seen pictures of the last large east coast event and I hope to soon have the same dazed expression that results from seeing real people materialize out of the aether. Since this is my first gathering, I don't exactly know what I will bring, but here is a tentative (unordered) list.
  • My body and moral soul
  • Transportation for five (bodies and mortal souls)
  • Yuengling. I will be coming from the birth place of this beautiful beverage, and I will try to purchase it from as close as possible to the brewery.
  • Several musical instruments
  • Pointy boots

And these are the things that I hope to accomlish.

Life seems much more exiting when you use UL tags. See y'all there.

c'mon! i mean, with a name like jethro bodine, did you expect me not to show up?!


i reckon if'n i'm gonna be there, i'm gonna pull out my Liberty Overalls, western shirts and my steel-toed boots, slap on some Hank Williams and high-tail it up to North Carolia in my one-eyed 1972 Malibu!

bring on the Red Man, corn liquor and firearms!

of course, all this is true except for the Red Man and the Malibu. i'd opt for other substances and my Volvo instead.

any of y'all noders need a ride from anywhere between Atlanta and wherever the hell this is taking place? msg me and we may be able to set something up. i still have 3 vacant seats in my car.
panamaus has claimed one of the ever-so-comfy seats in meinen Auto...anyone else?

i have the solution to cezano's water problems! i will stop at a Home Depot on the way up and procure enough timber, nails and tools so that
we'll build cezano an outhouse!

that's right, complete with seat, flies and a moon-shaped hole in the door. who's with me on this?! i shall use my ninja skills to make this, shall we say, built like a brick shithouse...

after consulting with WonkoDSane quite a bit, he and i have planned to build the outhouse 3 stories tall, featuring:

and a host of other features i've since forgotten.
then i had a great idea: we should enslave the locals and make them build it.

in Wonko's own words, "We can get drunk as lords whilst our slaves labor away. Of course, we need concubines."

hell yeah! old south indeed! however, this looks like it may require more planning...
Becca has some great ideas about it as well, including:

  • a wall lined with AOL CDs
  • a room out of recycled aluminum
  • a wall of books tightly placed togethr so when one is removed, a ray of light will come through to the john
all of which are fabulous ideas. looks like i'm going to be able to put my tig welding skills to use...

Updated Friday, August 17, 2001 at 01:58:58 UTC

Note: All meal times listed are sketchy at best

I MAY not be at the cabin yet, so this will depend upon the resources of our esteemed host, probably hot dogs or other snack-type fare. Noders en route should be advised to gather sustenance by their own means.

Midnight Snack

Breakfast Extravaganza... OF DOOM!!!
(Begin cooking by 8AM, served by 9AM) Lunch
(prepared in advance immediately after breakfast, served between Noon and 1PM)
Sandwiches! Choices of:
  • Scrambled egg (made at breakfast)
  • Ham
  • Turkey
  • BLT (with bacon made at breakfast)
  • Chips
  • Soda, water or BYOB
Dessert and/or Midnight Snack
Light Breakfast
(prepared at 10AM or upon communal waking from drunkenness)
  • Bagels (from a bag, heated, served with cream cheese, jelly, etc.) OR:
  • Biscuits (baked from frozen canned variety, served with same or sausage)
  • Citrus (if there's any left over from Saturday)
(probably served around 1-2PM)
Sandwiches again! (simple, no?) Choices of: Dinner
Many noders will be gone on their way back home by this point, so it will be left-overs or the local Blue Ridge Parkway eateries for this meal.
This is pretty much "it" as far as menu changes go.
Thanks to everyone who will be helping out with groceries and preparation. YOU ROCK! Allergies and courtesy toward dietary restrictions are being factored in. This is going to be the best gastronomic E2 gathering in recorded history. Until I host one, that is.
Note: Allergy items currently being taken under advisement: mushrooms, tuna, pickles, oranges

Now, back to the original writeup.
...dons his cheap cardboard 3-D spex...

Haaaww! Sweet Jerry Clower on a pig spit!
God rest his soul... he needs to be noded...

Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! You yunguns are havin' a hoedown in the foothills! A Noder-Con in the Bible Belt! Well smack my ass and call me Sally! Where's my coonskin cap and blunderbuss? Why thankee, Jessup!

...regains composure...

Heavens! What came over me? Must have been my redneck past. Where was I? Oh yes...

This will be my first-ever E2 Gathering. UPDATE: Having lost my mind (apparently), I will be attending a party in Boston the weekend prior to the Sparta shindig. This is so all you noders can admire my bruises and stitches after having my guts kicked out by the BAP. Hopefully I will be able to save my severed head from the grill... ANYWAY, as I was saying...

I am on pins and needles! Can't wait, I say.. can't WAIT to meet some of you fine, two-fisted nodin' motherf— um, I mean, fine folks! Yes, I am elated. Now then, to bidness:

I am a Native Son of the South. From as far south as you can get before becoming Northern again. I have some minor reservations about mingling with some of you Yankees from North Carolina, especially since this noderfest is being held so close to the Communist Commonwealth, but I am open-minded and love all free-thinking writers and especially my E2 brothers and sisters. So I will dispense with my hillbilly vernacular and adopt a more civilized interlocution.

My Travel Plans

I currently have tentative plans to drive to Hotlanta and hitch a ride from there with Jethro Bodine. So far as we know, there is room in his Volvo for himself, his copious body hair, and me and my provisions. Maybe there will be room for other noders as well... it's still too early to tell.


Any noders from South Florida or parts regional to Tallahassee are welcome to ride with me up to Atlanta, provided that there is room in the carpool from there to Sparta. If enough interest is expressed in ride sharing prior to the journey, I will modify my travel plans to make a direct route to our destination in my Chevrolet Impala SS touring sedan, which can seat 5 healthy individuals in extreme comfort for the 10-hour journey.

What I'm Bringing

  • My 5'10", 143 lb. frame, complete with fully movable parts
  • An air mattress for said frame to sleep on
  • Several gallons of bottled water, due to the published deep well inadequacies
  • Two or more large ice chests filled with more groceries than a fucking Winn Dixie supply truck
  • A box of genuine Florida Indian River citrus fruit, for snacking
  • One large ice chest filled with Corona for medicinal purposes (hey, I am a Floridian, after all) and a sack of limes
  • Several large containers of OFF! insect repellent, as skeeters love my blood
  • A Lombard PowerBook on the off-chance that there might be time available for online silliness
  • Ample notebooks and ink pens in case analog noding is the only recourse
  • A battery-powered cattle prod to keep Infinite Burn's lusty advances at bay
  • Any other necessary items that come to mind
About the Groceries

I love to cook! YES! I am not ashamed to admit it. As the cabin has full kitchen facilities, I will be preparing most of our meals (with able assistance, of course). Those of you attending who may have special diets or vegetarian needs will be accommodated.

Menu is now at the top! How could you miss it?

Well, that's all the breathtaking commentary I have for now! I am looking forward to the amazing outhouse construction envisioned by WonkoDSane and Jethro Bodine. I have terrible satellite reception in my own outhouse, and I am always looking for advice on how to improve it.

See You There!

...removes his 3-D spex and falls over backwards...

How about this... I'll go to North Carolina with you goons?

Things I want to bring to North Carolina:

  • My change of clothes (nothing but t-shirts, black trousers, and boxer shorts for me!)
  • MREs - they worked for my previous trip in Long Beach, and they'll work for me here.
  • Should I burn a mix disc of my Cabaret CD collection? I can make a one-hour Red book format, or a collection of MP3's.
  • My cellular phone (Better safe than sorry - I can call my brother too.)
  • My SLR camera and a tripod. I can bring a flash, but I have never used one.
  • Cash on hand
  • What else should I bring?
It's a real toss-up who's geographically closer to this event -- help im a rock or me. Sure, he's actually in state, but I'm no more than 100 miles from the site. So to all you people who are driving or flying many hundreds of miles, I have one thing to say: in the great words of Nelson Muntz,


Actually, I do feel your pain to some extent -- I'll be moving back from Richmond to Blacksburg Friday morning/afternoon, and then getting back on the road once I've mostly emptied out the Nifty Green Truck (which, at 80,000 miles as of yesterday, is significantly older than when a high school friend first named it such). But, seeing as I do have a home closer by than most, I'm willing to do small amounts of last-minute supply shopping en route -- call my cell, 540/DELETED (If you really want my number, /msg vth), as I'm unlikely to check my e-mail between departure from work on Thursday at 1700 EDT and arrival at the cabin about 26-28 hours later. (Insert grumbling about my new box's defective motherboard here, which will itself be en route back to Ohio for replacement at the time.)*

I will bring:

impishlaugh: it's too bad you can't attend, because as a Virginia Tech student, I am an acknowledged expert on the Hokie Pokie.

See y'all Friday.

Update 16 August 2001: antietam lives! It turns out all I needed to do was push the video card really hard into the AGP slot. Now the last test it must pass, as a 1.2/266 Athlon Thunderbird, is burn-in... of course, a reputable company would do that before they sent their stuff out... but I digress. Now back to your regularly scheduled gathering node.

God help us- help us lose our minds.

After attending czeano's gathering out in the mountains of North Carolina my mind wasn't exactly lost, but it was certainly altered.

I showed up as one of the few non-noders. Well, actually I'd noded once before under a different name but it didn't take. After a weekend spent hanging with a few friends but many people I'd never met before, I was throroughly converted.

Frisbee, Rocky, lots of beer, and singing were not new to me. But it seemed like a third of the time people were speaking a different language, one that I will now attempt to learn through immersion. I had a hell of a time courtesy of lots of cool people, and look forward to really being a part of things the next time around.

p.s. Does this sound like ass kissing to anyone else?

more p.s. It is true. Becca makes a mean cookie.

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