Rule 34

<allseeingeye> One computer is all it takes to give you access to the greatest collection of pornography ever amassed in the history of Man. IT IS A GOLDEN AGE

"If it exists there is porn of it. No exceptions."

The explanation of this is as the Internet reflects a larger and larger sample of the entire population of the civilized world, the probability that any topic one can imagine will have been perverted as a fetish approaches 1.

"Rule 34" is a rule on the internet, that states that there exists porn of everything. I had originally taken the rule to refer specifically to fan fiction, and the transformation of every imaginable television program, movie, comic book, or other entertainment medium into pornographic drawings and stories. But the rule could, I suppose, exist for acts or preferences.

And Rule 34 is not true. I know that here I am assailing one of the pillars of the internet, but I will explain why Rule 34 is not true.

To do this, we have to know some basic theory about the number line. The number line, which stretches from negative infinity to positive infinity, has an infinite amount of positive integers, and also an infinite amount of negative integers. Although these numbers are infinite, they are infinitely outnumbered by the even more infinitely large set of rational numbers. And those are infinitely outnumbered by the irrational numbers.

Rule 34 might be true if you think of it in terms of talking about integer infinities. But does it apply to the other infinities? While every "simple" fetish may exist, remember that every fetish can be compounded, which is the equivalent to our "rational numbers". I am sure hot air balloon porn exists. I am sure porn exists where people are eating salads. Perhaps these two even exist together. But even within the confined space of a hot air balloon, there are so many possible activities to be done that the combinations of them quickly approaches a very large number. The same applies to the issue of pornography based on fan fiction. There were seven members of the cast of Gilligan's Island. I am sure that Gilligan's Island pornography exists, but does every combination of it exist? Seven factorial is 5,400: even at the level of drabble, I doubt that every combination in which the seven characters of Gilligan's Island could find erotic release with each other has been described. And that is only one show. So even in the realm of these "rational" fantasies, it seems unlikely that everything exists.

But to continue with our metaphor, what about the irrational fantasies? An irrational number is a number that can not be expressed as the division of two other numbers. What about all of people's fantasies, that seem to be in a constant state of searching, yet not to find? What about the person fapping desperately, looking at different images of people on hot air balloons with different implements, that can not seem to conjure up what hidden, subtle formlessness their lust takes. Rule 34 can not apply to the pornography that lurks at the corner of people's imaginations, unknowable and unfulfillable.

" If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions. "

Rule 34 is a "rule of the internet", not so much enforced as just supremely true. Along with its corollary, Rule 35—if it does not, it will be created—it adequately describes the most superfluous facet of the internet hate machine: the perversion and ruination of everything, whether or not it is important to you, for the pleasure of some sick, sadistic, faceless weirdo on the other side of the net.

What kind of faceless weirdo? Anonymous. The highly pretentious yet applaudibly guileful name choice of the internet collective. It wants everything and nothing. It is everyone and no one. For every one you bring down, two more will take his place because they were already there. Already ready. They are your friends, your coworkers. Your parents, siblings, children. They are you. It's no wonder they take upon themselves the Guy Fawkes masks of V for Vendetta: the similarities between the two are startling to the point of being pretty much identical. You cannot kill an idea. Especially if that idea is sexy, attractive pornography.

Despite anyone's attempts to assert the contrary, Rule 34 is actually true. Anything you can think of has already been pornified: if it hasn't, then some less specific superset of it probably has been, and someone will come along to do it later anyway. There's a very pragmatic approach to why. If you call attention to the fact that someone hasn't made porn of something, word will spread and an ambitious drawfag step in, and correct that glaring error. If you try to keep the idea to yourself, so as to prevent the events in the previous sentence from occurring, then how can we even be sure you've had that idea? As far as we know, we're unable to find that gap you've noticed, so to us, Rule 34 is still confirmed. (This latter half is how you cover things from your personal life, specifically involving something or someone that isn't popular on the web. How can we be sure you're not already not on the web? Give us a picture and prove it! (Heh heh heh...)) Basically, as soon as you prove it wrong, it quickly expands to fill your gap. It's like googlewhacking: once you succeed, the more people you tell, the more you invalidate your success for future generations.

That out of the way, say you're one of the more enlightened ones, who's okay with their childhood ruined for a cheap erotic thrill, proviso it's kept only on sites that actively warn minors to stay away and all that legalese nonsense. How d'ya get yourself summa that? Well, you just go straight to the horse's mouth: the sites where that kind of porn comes from.

4chan, the mother of all lawlessness, the veritable asshole of the internet, is chock-full of questionable content and 18+ boards. If your skin is thick enough to not get "butthurt" from doing something inane and stupid and subsequently getting the living shit trolled out of you, then you'll probably fit right in, and, overlooking some of the vapid arguments that arise, you can amass a pretty extensive catalogue of every kind of beautiful, childhood-slaughtering pornography the world has to offer. There's also a type of site called a booru, wherein images of every kind are shared en masse: this means, especially on the adult ones, porn of every sort is all over the place. Danbooru, Gelbooru, Sexybooru, Monstergirlbooru, Derpibooru, e621, http://rule34.paheal.net/, it just never ends. If all else somehow fails, feel free to make a Google search with SafeSearch off.

So. I hope we've all learned a lot today about Aladdin taking it in the bum from Jafar. The moral of the story? Nothing is sacred.

[IN12#16]