display | more...

"Russell Brand...what a cunt"
Saint Bob Geldof
(also a cunt, so he knows about them)

TV "bad boy" Russell Brand is in many ways similar to music "bad boy" Pete Doherty. Firstly, he's a cunt. Secondly, he's a cunt. He also has a "bad boy" image based in large part on his heroin abuse, and he's a self-promoting twat.

However, there is one thing that makes him worse than Doherty (I never thought I'd ever say that): he talks. Fuck, does he talk. At length, usually about himself. Wikipedia informs me that he's a comedian, which is testament to the accuracy of that site. His actual job is a TV presenter and cunt, and he presides over such eye-gouging shows as one of those Big Brother spin-offs on More4 or some other cable channel.

Russell 'cunt' Brand was born a cunt on the 4th June 1975. That means that as of the date of this writeup, he's been a cunt for over 31 years. That means he's amassed four more years of cuntishness than Pete Doherty. It was in Essex or somewhere else crap. The fact that he's a cunt explain why he talks like a Soho drag queen. In the 90s or something he decided to become junkie scum so he'd look cool. He also became an alcoholic because it looked good on his CV as a bad boy cunt. At this time he also had various "run-ins" with the boys in blue. Not actual crimes that could get him banged-up and bum-raped, you understand; just enough to show that he's a really notorious rebel bad boy.

His image is a cross-dressing dandy, but don't make the mistake of comparing him to Eddie Izzard. Apparently this upholstery makes him flamboyant. Is saw him on TV and his hair looked like Amy Winehouse's, but she's talented. And a woman. His stand-up act is based around being flamboyant and talking about being a bad boy with a past. He claims to be addicted to sex, and is something of a lad about town. Apparently girls fancy him for his humour and bad boy image.

Things that TV and radio producers desperate to be in with the next big thing have put Russell Brand in:

Radio

Television

  • MTV Dancefloor chart
  • Sky One Ibiza on One
  • UKtv Play
  • Comedy lab: The Russell Brand - Channel 4
  • Kings of comedy - E4
  • Big Brother's Big Mouth - June 2004 - E4 and Channel 4
  • 1 Leicester Square - 2006 - MTV
  • Russell Brand's Got Issues - September 2006-October 2006 - E4
  • The Russell Brand Show - November 2006 - Channel 4
  • The Big Fat Quiz of the Year - December 27 2006 - Channel 4
  • Pretty much every other thing on Channel 4 or E4

Stand-up "comedy"

  • Better Now
  • Shame
  • Maxwell's Full Mooners
  • The Secret Policeman's Ball (I seem to remember that the original 70s and 80s ones were full of cunts too, so it's appropriate)

I copied this list from Wikipedia because he's a cunt and I don't want to spend my precious time researching him. It's therefore probably wrong. The next list is all mine, however, as it needs no research.

Reasons Russell Brand is a cunt

(List is necessarily incomplete)

  • Junkie scum
  • On TV all the fucking time
  • Loves himself
  • Talks like the bastard cunt child of Dick van Dyke and Alan Carr
  • Has a "bad boy" image
  • Reminds me of Pete Doherty
  • Loads of people love him for fuck knows what reason
  • Has had "run-ins" with the law
  • Dresses like a twat
  • Claims to be a comedian
  • Is from Essex
  • Presented Big Brother
  • Claims sex addiction
  • Has a "hilarious" Flash-based website with his face all over it animated in a Terry Gilliam style. Funny in the 70s, you cunt. I bet your web designers are based in Hoxton in a converted industrial unit that isn't actually converted but just has fake old bricks added and they all ride skateboards to work and have "ironic" MySpace profiles "just for the bands".
  • Wears eye makeup
  • Went to Italia Conti Academy so is really a stage school brat pretending to be a bad boy
  • Is vegan
  • Will host Comic Relief
  • Has a blog that's written by someone else
  • Has a MySpace profile written by someone else
  • Prances around on stage like a pantomine dame
  • bol says At a time when deforestation threatens the environment, there are three biographies of Brand next month
  • CloudStrife says More to add - he also writes a "column" for the Grauniad sports section, in which he pretends to be a West Ham supporter to further his "bad boy" image. And did you mention he's a cunt?
  • Hazelnut says According to issue 104 (?) of Bizarre magazine, in which he was interviewed, he admitted to being into scat. (what a bad boy! - asc)

I'd write more, but it'll just get me worked up.


Most of the 'facts' were taken from Wikipedia or his BBC page or some fan site (what kind of pathetic twat makes a fan site for someone like him?). The facts about him being a cunt come from extensive research over the past year of him being all over the fucking place. HQ2K7. Did I mention that he's a cunt?

Update, 2007-3-31: phony says what the hell is your problem with the genious that is russel brand, "bad boy" is a term given him by the media, he is called a comedian as he is as funny as fuck, he's gone on tour and everything, i dont understand why dont find him funny. Oh wait! yes i do, you are jealous of him cause he's be laid a number of time and you aint. i know that as you describe one of your specialties as "programing". Oh sorry, i forgot, "he talks like a Soho drag queen" had mutch experiance of drag queens? FUCK YOU FAGGOT here's another point "Has a "hilarious" Flash-based website with his face all over it animated in a Terry Gilliam style. Funny in the 70s, you cunt. I bet your web designers are based in Hoxton in a converted industrial unit that isn't actually converted but just has fake old bricks added and they all ride skateboards to work and have "ironic" MySpace profiles "just for the bands"." well, im sure thats a manor witch conserns him. it might piss you the fuck off, but, why put your worthless opinions on the internet, if your aloud to contribure to the internet, why shouldent he be? "Claims sex addiction" i hear you try. "Has a blog that's written by someone else" yes, one of his best friends and co-writers on many of his projects. If youre so fucking intersted in not getting his jokes, dont do it on the internet.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.