Safe Cross Code

Often stated as the reason why the Irish have failed to conquer the world. In the 70s, the English had Alvin "You must be out of your tiny mind" Stardust and his Green Cross Code. It was short, concise and easily memorable. It went:

• Look left
• Look right
• Look left again

You then crossed, presumably only if you didn't see any cars speeding towards you.

Ireland had a slighly ropier version. It was hosted by Judge, the dog from Wanderly Wagon (sort of a cross between The Magic Roundabout and Saturday Night Live), and was a bit more, er, thorough:

• One, look for a safe place.
• Two, don't hurry stop and wait.
• Three, look all around you, before you cross the road.
• Four, erm...
• Five, put your hands on your hips and bring your knees in tight.
• Six, oh christ, I didn't really want to cross the road anyway.
• Seven, go home and wish you lived in England.

This is why most Irish people never left their housing estates until they were 16.