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The most frustrating thing in the world is thinking of a witty retort after the fact. There is nothing more annoying than someone saying or doing something stupid towards you, and only thinking of a funny or witty reply after it's all over. It's at times like that I wish I were a more obnoxious person.

Yesterday, on the 4th of July, my friends and I took a trip to Newburyport, MA. Newburyport is a small town about 35 miles outside of Boston. The city is a very beautiful coastal town with plenty of fun things to do. The town is also connected by a small strip to Plum Island, which has an extremely beautiful and not very crowded beach. A perfect place to go with friends on a holiday like the 4th of July.

While heading over to Plum Island after spending a few hours in Newburyport, the prospect of hitting the beach is very exciting. It is also very frustrating being stuck on a road behind an old bitch going at a steady 20 mph in her station wagon. I admit, I'm developing my ability to express my obnoxious side through driving. Flashing her my brights, slightly tailgating, and racing the engine were all I did. Eventually, after several miles and increased bloodpressure, I saw a clear lane, and sped past her.

15 minutes later, I was looking for a parking lot on beautiful Plum Island. I passed a few, and had to make a U-turn. That was when I noticed that a white station wagon was making a U-turn right after me. I pulled into a lot, I paid the fee, and I parked. That was when I noticed the woman parked outside the lot, got out of her car, walked over to mine, and was waiting for us to get out. What the hell is this? Some sort of senior citizen road rage? I looked over to my friends, all of us bewildered, yet finding humor in the situation, got out of the car. She was waiting to tell us off. It sounded something like this:

"Did you see that cop under the bridge? Well obviously you didn't, but I did, that's why I didn't speed up. I live on this island, and the person you hit could have been my kid. You shouldn't be that obnoxious while driving."

Hit a kid? Cop? I didn't hit anyone. I didn't get pulled over, so obviously the cop didn't see me. Do you honestly have nothing better to do than follow me for miles on end, turn around and continue following me, then have the audacity of getting out of your car and bitch me out?

Damn it, why the hell didn't I say that to her? I should've said that rather than my actual reply of, "er... sorry." Well, it was a learning experience. Next time, don't take shit from people who decide to become the self appointed traffic cops. When it comes to the traffic laws, forget about the whole respect for elders thing. I am now one major step closer to being a full fledged jerk. I'm looking forward to the next trip to Plum Island. I will be on the lookout for a white station wagon with a crazy lady inside. This time I won't be such a wimp either!

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