September 18, 2009

Today sucked.

My toilet is shitty (as you already know you and you). This bitch stole my homework in class. I sat by myself in lunch, and came home and cried for two hours. Typical day.
Why must high school/life suck so hard? I wish I got cancer

I think I possibly had some sort of mental breakdown today. If I hadn't been inside my own head at the time, I would have laughed my ass off at myself. What lead up to it, I am not going to describe in detail because it's long and involved and depressing, but let it suffice to say that in the last week I have had enough emotional highs and lows for about two months. What snapped me was a family argument that wasn't really profound or traumatizing, just extremely irritating.

I calmly put on my shoes and walked out the door, my mother yelling after me to ask if I had my cell phone. Of course I did! I walked calmly down the street, letting myself frazzle over all my problems. I ended up at my old elementary school, with the intent of sitting on one of the low walls and letting myself cry everything out. Instead, resting against the bricks, I just felt nauseous. I watched some kids on scooters go by (and probably creeped them out) and then after a while jumped down from the wall and traipsed into the woods. While muttering expletives under my breath in weird combinations, I proceeded to whack sticks against trees to break them. It created a loud echoey cracking noise, much to the chargin of the dogwalkers who peered worriedly into the trees. Then, once I had exhausted my fund of sticks, I ran out of the woods and down the street, dirty converse slapping the pavement with my characteristic lack of grace. I stopped when I got to the end of the street, because I was distracted by someone watering their lawn. Usually Lawn Care Bastards, as I have dubbed them, irritate me because IT'S JUST YOUR EFFING LAWN. But today I was delighted, because that meant I could play in their sprinkler! So I stood on the sidewalk and subjected myself to this artificial rain for a few seconds, until the owner of the house pulled into the driveway and saw a sixteen year old girl in her front lawn that was a little too interested in her sprinkler. I ran off down the street again.

Confirming the theory that I am extremely strange. 

Economic pressures due to the significant reduction in advertiser support have decimated the ranks of journalism and have left the publishing industry relying on companies, organizations, and individuals to provide the proper information to the editors running today's media vehicles. Too bad when the marketplace decided to kill off print, they should get the internet that they intend to replace it with working first. Sadly, that does not look to be the case.

I bemoan the situation, but in the very near future most, if not all, of the publishing industry will move to an automated content process that will rely even more greatly upon the manufacturers to provide proper information into the RSS feeds that will drive the web-based content everywhere.

The publishing industry would be going through an economic meltdown even if the world financial situation was normal (even booming). The web has destroyed the value of information. Every publication serving professional trades are supported solely by advertising, and the advertisers have decided that you want your information online in little bites fed directly into the news websites from the RSS feeds of organizations or individuals of interest to the industry.

It's Friday! I can't wait for the weekend!

I'm going to do so much drawing and I'm also going to get to play D&D with all my friends tomorrow. I've been slacking off on chores for the last few weeks and it couldn't be better, due to my fiance being at home.

Of course, he hasn't done them either so I will have to cave in and eventually get it all done... you know, icky stuff like cleaning the toilet, vacuuming, and ordinary chores like washing the glass windows. We had my little sister over this week, and you know children ... fingermarks all over everything. No, I don't miss the glass tables from my old house! Not one bit.

I want to go home and play with my bunny ... sometimes I get so entranced by doing 3D and artwork that I forget to take him out and hold him. Pocky's such a cuddly little lap bunny. How did I ever find one so sweet?

I didn't go to school today again, from "sickness". I wish it were summer again.

I had the strangest dream this morning. I was standing on a yellow dirt path bordered by small bluffs of excessively green grass; there was a horse wagon with a sort of wooden truck-bed on the back. Everything was in brilliant, beautiful colors, it was like waking life is black and white and the dream was color for the first time. The colors were solid and everything looked cell-shaded.

Although no one told me, somehow I knew that if I could follow along right behind the back of the wagon without falling behind I would get $20. The driver of the wagon cracked the whip and when the horses settled into their pace I was at a steady jog, lightly grasping the back of the wagon.

I had no idea how far we were to go, I just knew whatever distance I wouldn't stop because I really wanted that $20. We went quite a ways through rolling farmland; the air got salty when we turned down a road heading towards a great clocktower in the distance. I wondered if we would be heading right out to the ocean.

We went down that road for a long, long time. The clocktower was always there, always far away when I looked up at it. I got so tired of running, running behind the wagon got so monotonous, I was ready to turn back but I didn't think I could make it all they way back on my own (not that I had any idea what I would be going back to).

A flat yard with a fence and 10 or so cows came up beside the road. My wagon pulled up on the driveway beside the fence and stopped. The cows looked quite fake, overly round with anime eyes and perfectly round blue spots covering all of them in identical patterns. I walked up to the fence (the driver obviously didn't intend to go anywhere any time soon) and two lengths of it fell over. 4 cows escaped before the driver put the fence back up. He made no attempt to put them back in the fence but instead hopped on one of the cows' back, like it were a horse.

I knew then that I had to get on a cow's back as well. As soon as I did the driver rode off on his cow at a high speed and I chased after. The cows went extremely fast and bounced along like they might in a video game. I was having so much fun I forgot about the $20 dollars up until we got back to where we came from (which turned out to be a stereotypical farmhouse, also in brilliant colors). The driver had a big grin on his face and so did I. It was at that point I realised he wanted to bring me along to help bring the cows back to the farmhouse, because I was the only way the cows would get out of the fence, because my being near the fence would knock it over. Everything made so much sense then, somehow in my new understanding $20 wouldn't fit in and I didn't want it anymore.

So I rode the cows around until I woke up.