Findings:

• Don't kill your invisible husband to see what he looks like or you'll sob your heart out. But don't worry about the millions of invisible men coming to attack your village because they won't kill you if you don't know how to fight them.
• honey, don't feed me: I will come back
• I don't know if these are good flowers or bad flowers, but I picked them for you
• When life gives you lemons, suck on them. Seriously, lemons taste awesome.
• If the wibbly thing is part of your anatomy, I guarantee you don't want the cat batting at it or licking it.
• Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.
• E2 killed my dog, and I don't think it's fair
• I will REMOVE your "All your radical touching base are already occurred to the lesbian monkey puppy" philosophy on me if you don't eat my soy google balls, hatt-baby. Real or malarky?
• My soul is in a million pieces. I tried to collect most of them, but some are missing, and the ones I have don't fit together anymore. Feel free to take a piece or two.
• I don't know why but I always love episodes without words. like just something about them makes me feel calm or something..
• The Master Cat; or, Puss in Boots
• You don't know me, but someday you will
• Nuclear weapons don't kill people. People kill people.
• A Dog Day, or the Angel in the House
• Clowns will kill you and drink your blood
• The Weddings I have Performed, or Why God is Gonna Kill Me
• Dogs and cats used to have jobs
• Why don't we try to destroy tropical cyclones by nuking them?
• Things you don't want to hear (but will) when you get into bed with a girl
• Onion ring to rule them all, Onion ring to fry them
• Dogs Don't Tell Jokes
• Doggs, Catts, Wittgenstein, and Quine
• I don't know where he gets his words but I like them
• You can put your boots in the oven, but that don't make them biscuits.
• Has a cat ever killed anyone?
• Your first relationship will be nuked: Don't give up
• Winners don't do drugs, they just sell them
• Where do dogs get their Vitamin C from, when they don't eat fruits?
• The Tornado, or, how we almost all got killed.
• I WILL kill you!
• make it two-ply, or I will gut you
• For I Will Consider My Cat Jeoffrey
• I will not move my army without onions!
• Why is it bad to make gays bishops, but okay to kill them?
• Mate. Feed. Kill. Repeat.
• Dogs are for wimps who don't have the guts to bite people themselves
• You'd think a cookie killed his dog
• Dogs don't have souls, so it doesn't matter
• Don't be a smartass and expect to be taken seriously
• Days go by like sweet summer breeze; I don't know I... can't feel them anymore
• Guns don't kill people, paintballs kill people
• Don't touch, check with other passengers, inform station staff or dial 999
• Please Don't Kill the Freshman
• You don't even know the meaning of the word committed. I'm Andy Kaufman, motherfucker. I will die on this hill I made, in this battle I started, for this prize I already own.
• Stand back from the doors or they might kill you
• My sand fleas will kill you
• Fuck it or kill it
• I will kill that rooster, if it doesn't shut up
• Mexico, or maybe farther. I don't know the details.
• I feel the way bank robbers must feel before they go out on that last job that ends up getting them all killed. That is to say, optimistic.
• Marry, fuck, or kill?
• don't kill your clients
• The cat with the onion
• The Truth About Cats and Dogs
• Cats and dogs living together
• Cats and dogs
• Stuff you shouldn't feed your dog
• Dogs and Cats
• Mice will continue to dream of Cats shedding claws from radiation sickness
• Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight
• Or he'll just kick me in the face and scream abstract noises and dance around outside in his underwear and have sex with the neighbor's dog and try to fly by jumping off the toilet
• Guns don't kill people; people kill people
• Don't feed the bears
• People who don't smoke will never die
• How to treat the dog you're going to kill
• Cats vs. Dogs: Behind Whom Should the Nation Throw Support?
• If you don't want us to look at your breasts, don't shove them in our faces
• Guns don't kill people. Robots kill people.
• Guns Don't Kill People, I like mayonnaise
• What they don't know can't hurt them
• I don't want to wear your skin, but I will if I catch you!
• And if I don't die or worse I'm going to need a nap
• If I don't save the wee turtles, who will?
• What, we don't shoot them now?
• I will REMOVE the fucking toilet seat if you don't shut up (idea) mp3 (recording)
• Never point a gun at anything you don't want to kill
• why don't poets kill each other anymore?
• Please don't feed the troll
• Why strapping buttered toast to a cat's back will not produce infinite power
• Schrödinger killed his cat
• They don't get it. Let them suffer.
• I Love Them But They Don't Love Me
• Suburban cannabis factories will feed the world
• don't let them scare you
• we've got a lot of time, or maybe we don't
• they still come to me even though i don't come to them
• Racing friends with fragile self esteem, or: A good way to get yourself killed
• The Thanksgiving Curse, or, how we keep almost getting killed.
• I will kill you if I can
• It kills me to watch them go
• Will eating a urinal cake kill me?
• Smoking kills, or A true ghostwriter
• These people from the other village smell wrong! Kill them!
• If you or a loved one have been injured or killed
• One of the dangers of necromancy is you don't really know who's on the other side or what they're going to give you in return.
• If this Buddha is not killed he will only stand in your way.
• Nagato in summer will kill you every time
• Let him hold out hope that someone or other might come. Then fuckin' kill him.
• They Are Them. We are us. Kill Them. All.
• We Regret to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed with Our Families
• Micro or macro, we have the means to kill you
• Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others
• You can't predict or control what incidents in your life your friends will remember and retell
• Ruining your illusions of me. Or cementing them.
• Strange man makes permanent visit
• You Better Watch Out, or the Insects Will Get You
• The day I killed everyone's joy. Well, one of them.
• 206
• why I don't use Twitter or Facebook
• curiosity killed the cat, but it never hurt me
• Triumph of the will: the Cat speaks!
• Cats & Dogs
• Cats and Dogs (e2poll)
• That dog will hunt
• She who makes the Moon the Moon and, whenever she is full, sets the dogs to howling all night long, and me with them.
• I killed my dog and broke my own heart
• Don't fuck with the cat
• Don't let your cat eat toothpaste
• Cats don't masturbate
• Giving Your Cat a Pill (and your little dog, too!)
• Normal Values for Vital Signs in the dog, cat, and ferret
• Raw Dog Screaming Press
• It's Me or the Dog
• I keep thinking I'm so tough but I rarely care enough to prove it. So am I really tough then? Or does every dog just have its day?
• Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces
• Why cats are better than dogs
• A dog that will bring you a bone will take a bone too
• Wagging the dog, or: The mule that wouldn't shut up
• I will REMOVE the fucking toilet seat if you don't shut up
• Guns don't kill people. Wait, guns do kill people.
• The Introverted Thinker almost kills the dog
• I know there are other fish in the sea but I don't want them
• Do not have sex with horses. Seriously, don't.
• Guns don't kill people, paperclips kill people
• She brought them home to meet the dog
• curiosity killed the cat
• Look, I don't mean to be an asshole or anything, but...
• How to scare the Hell out of a Lexus driver, or: Don't take sharp corners at 50mph in the rain
• If you don't know where you're going, any path will take you there
• Don't Kill Her Daddy with Careless Talk
• You don't always have to disagree, or agree for that matter
• Don't blow into someone's vagina
• I don't even have the energy to kill myself
• Guns don't kill people, football kills people
• Guns don't kill people. Ninjas kill people.
• Don't take sex too seriously
• Your first writeup will be nuked: Don't give up
• The New Face of the BSOD: An Adventure in Password Recovery
• kill him dead; don't call me
• She makes sniffing sounds, and I don't know if she's snorting coke or weeping
• Your beliefs are your concern, just please don't let them creep into our secular argument
• Don't kill yourself until you've completed the checklist
• We don't swim in yer toilet, so don't fuck us over or you'll need 2 wheelchairs, fool: An Partie
• A seething hatred for assholes, bullies and those that don't seem to mind them
• Writers don't look for their big breaks. They write them.
• If we don't make words, words will make us
• Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday, I don’t know.
• Don't shake it, bump it, or sniff it: The 2001 anthrax mail scare
• If you don't softlink it, I will
• or maybe a calm voice, that accent you don't think you have
• Don't feed the Faradays
• I don't agree with what you say, but I will defend your other, less ludicrous opinion that glitch speed runs are pointless.
• Don’t write love letters to women unless you are dating them
• Guns don't kill people. Skeletons do.
• I Don't Need to Have Children, I Date Them
• Throw your hands (up) in the air, (and) wave them all around like you (just) don't care
• Cat Rapes Dog
• Cats don't have brakes
• Of course they want to come here. Who doesn't? Besides the people from Los Angeles, but we don't speak of them.
• the flecks of smoke and sparks don't conjure you back from the ground or heaven
• I don't use the gents or the ladies room
• Don't leave the house or you'll be shot for deserting.
• Don't allow an awareness of your own mortality or a sense of impending doom to spoil the moment.
• A lot of houses don't even have anyone to board them up.
• I don't believe in God or the soul but these machines can make me cry
• Raining cats and dogs

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