Throughout our history, countless conflicts have sprung up due to religion. From today’s crises in the Middle East to the Thirty Years' War to the Crusades, differences in religion have caused nothing but trouble.

Because of this, I feel we need to force people into the same religion, preferably one that nobody currently follows. I recommend the Olympian pantheon for this purpose, as its members are better known than either the Pharonic or the Asgardian pantheons. The benefits of such pagan worship are manifold. All of humanity will no longer have to deal with people who believe in different things. The only differences in religion would be betwixt followers of different deities, and the religion itself has already solved that problem; the doctrine states exactly where different deities stand in relation to each other.

Each temple will be able to have friendly rivalries with other temples while still acknowledging the existence of the rival god. The Olympics could be revised so that instead of countries competing, the laity of different gods and goddesses could compete. Incidentally, this would remove the stress of wondering who will take the gold; Poseidon’s followers will always win the swimming events, followers of Artemis will take archery, the temple of Hermes would win the running events, and so on. People would be able to choose a deity based on their skills without violating any religious dogma.

As an added bonus, fanaticism would decrease. Everybody would know that this religion is false, so there would be no excessive zeal on the parts of the worshipers. We would finally have an answer to the question, “Why do bad things happen to good people?”: Zeus is angry/drunk again, and is taking out his anger on the world. In fact, any problems the world might have could be explained by stating, “The Titans are trying to break lose again,” thereby cutting down on philosophy. Then, these philosophers can go out and get real jobs and start contributing to society.

This is a satire I wrote in my English class. I do not endorse the ideas contained in this WU. The thing is supposed to be read in a sarcastic tone, okay? Node your homework. Thank you.

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