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I finally was able to see my baby cousin today, she is about six weeks old now.. she's the daughter of my favourite Aunt.. she is the sweetest little thing too..

When they placed her in my arms, I'd never seen so clearly in all my life. As she lay there sleeping, her tiny body so warm, so fragile, there, in my arms.. I knew that this world is even more amazing than I've ever thought it to be. It's the smallest things that strike me as the most profound, they're just so infinitely potent, my brain can hardly handle this sort of content.

On the other hand, I swear there is this force pushing me towards self destruction. I ponder, I delve into memories that are better left alone, and for what? So that I can feel completely awful? What is this, this overwhelming feeling of emptiness and loneliness and why, how can I feel this way in a world so full of beauty, magick, love. Oh, that's right, love, that's the problem.

If I were to transform into some sort of mythical creature, and fly away into the night sky, only to crash my dragon-like head into a wall of stone, would I be discouraged? I was thinking that maybe if I did this, it would take my mind off of all the things that are eating at my pulsing leedle brain until it drips with some translucent, putrid liquid.. Oh but if I could just be the wind instead of the target it sets out to destroy.

All I can think is that some time, some where, some how, my life will fall into place.. I'll fall into place, and I won't feel like I don't belong in this Universe anymore.

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