I finally was able to see my
baby cousin today, she is about
six weeks old now.. she's the daughter of my favourite Aunt.. she is the sweetest
little thing too..
When they placed her in my arms, I'd never seen so clearly in all my
life. As
she lay there sleeping, her tiny body so warm, so
fragile, there, in my arms.. I knew that this world is even more
amazing than I've ever thought it to be. It's the smallest things that
strike me as the most profound, they're just so infinitely
potent, my brain can hardly handle this sort of
content.
On the other hand, I swear there is this
force pushing me towards self destruction. I ponder, I delve into
memories that are better left alone, and for what? So that I can feel completely awful? What is this, this overwhelming feeling of emptiness and loneliness and why, how can I feel this way in a world so full of
beauty,
magick,
love. Oh, that's right, love, that's the
problem.
If I were to transform into some sort of
mythical creature, and fly away into the night sky, only to crash my
dragon-like head into a
wall of stone, would I be discouraged? I was thinking that maybe if I did this, it would take my mind off of all the things that are eating at my
pulsing leedle brain until it drips with some
translucent,
putrid liquid.. Oh but if I could just be the
wind instead of the target it sets out to
destroy.
All I can think is that some time, some where, some how, my life will fall into place.. I'll
fall into place, and I won't feel like I don't belong in this
Universe anymore.