"You cook very slowly. In fact, if you cooked any slower... well you wouldn't be cooking very fast at all, would you? Well, that one wasn't very good." - Stewie Griffin to his mother
Stewart Gilligan Griffin, (also known as Artemus, Agent Buchwald, and Snake, but more commonly known simply as Stewie), is the youngest of the Griffin family on the television show
Family Guy. He's roughly one year old, wears red overalls with a yellow t-shirt, and has the large eyes upon his football-shaped head set on
world domination. Voiced by series creator
Seth MacFarlane, he's learned to think fast and speak with the highest of diction in the manner of an evil
Rex Harrison. He is always hurling threats and insults and his family, but they disregard his erudite rage as silly baby talk. His catch phrases include "Damn you all!", "Blast!", "What the deuce?", and "Victory is mine!"
Aside from world domination, Stewie's other goal is to kill his mother, Lois. Actually, it's not so much that he wants to kill her, but more that he just doesn't want her to be alive anymore. He blames her for his nine months trapped in "that ovarian Bastille" where he slowly went mad and yearns to be free of her oppressive gynocracy. In the past he's tried to crush her with a credenza, blow her up with grenades, shoot her with arrows, poison her, chop her to bits, and incinerate her with a laser, but she always just barely misses the shots and brushes off the incidents, soon forgetting them. Stewie's email address? loismustdie@yahoo.com (which, incidentially, was a real working e-mail address. It belonged to the staff at Family Guy and was an outlet for fans to communicate with the show, although dougmc says that it's since changed to loismustdie@damnyouall.net).
While family patriarch Peter Griffin was originally the main protagonist on the show, it didn't take long for the creators of the series to see Stewie's breakout potential, much like how Homer Simpson took the focus of The Simpsons from Bart as the show progressed. As time went on Stewie took on a larger role on the series, and eventually his character was fleshed out. His aim shifted from world domination to being just plain evil for his own personal gains, and he was featured as the star (with dog Brian) in two road show episodes, "Road to Rhode Island" and "Road to Europe".
Some of Stewie's past exploits and evil plans include...
- Building a time machine (complete with flux capacitor) to speed up the flow of time to bypass teething
- Building a weather control device to shower the world with freezing rain, thus killing all broccoli
- Using his mind control device on a judge
- Attemping to acquire at auction a laser with the power to destroy the world (his short stature prevented the auctioneer from seeing him)
- Miniaturizing himself and entering his father's body in an attempt to destroy all sperm, preventing his parents from conceiving a child
- Trapping babies he doesn't like in an underground cavern (he calls it the "club of forgotten children")
"OK, OK, I've got it. If you cooked any slower, you wouldn't need an egg timer, you'd need an egg calendar! Oh yes, that's right. I went there."