Crooked
nipples will be the death of me! The last thing I do every time I leave the house is check out my nipples in the hall mirror, and I encourage all of you who wear
bras to do the same. Straight
nipples are nipples that, when connected, create a line
parallel to the ground (yes, I know
the world is not flat; parallel to the
tangent plane of the
Earth at the point where you are standing).
The easiest way to straighten your nipples is to use your index fingers to point at each other, with the nipple underneath the tips. Take note not only of the horizontal nipple line, but also be on the lookout for lazy nipple: they should both be facing out, looking forward. For a wonderful example of horribly crooked nipples, watch any episode of "Friends" and take a look at Jennifer Aniston: the worst case of crooked/lazy nipple EVER!
The nipple tests are not only for the bra-wearers among us. You can still get in on the action if your special someone wears bras. Casually mention one day in the morning, "Oh, your nipples are crooked, let me help you." You get to cop a feel, and your bra wearing friend will face the world with her best breasts forward.
Now that you are aware of the crooked nipple epidemic, you will never look at your own (or anyone else's) nipples the same again.