"The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher
incomes than others."
-Gerry Brown
"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
another."
-George Bush, US President
"I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --but I don't always agree
with them."
-George Bush, US President
"Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand."
-Duffy Daugherty , football coach and sports analyst
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we
need?"
-Lee Iacocca
"Please provide the date of your death."
-from an IRS letter
"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the
tapes."
-Richard Nixon, US President
"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from
the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
-Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony
"We are sorry to announce that Mr Albert Brown has been quite unwell,
owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover."
-Parish Magazine
"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one
word only: Super Bowl."
-Bill Peterson, football coach
"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by
itself. It is a --it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are
different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."
-Dan Quayle, US VP
"Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it."
-Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant
"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute
poverty equally."
-Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a
guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst
"Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything."
-Ivana Trump, upon finishing her first novel
"I've read about foreign policy and studied -- I know the number of
continents."
-George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people."
-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-Dan Quayle
"We are ready for an unforseen event that may or may not occur."
-Dan Quayle
"Potatoe"
-Dan Quayle
"The road of good intentions is paved with Hell."
-Spencer Ante
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it."
-Dan Quayle
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-Dan Quayle
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-Keppel Enderbery
"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
-Dan Quayle
On Y2K:
"How could this be a problem in a country where we have Intel and
Microsoft?"
-Al Gore
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being
very wasteful. How true that is."
-Dan Quayle
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago..."
-Dan Quayle
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
-Jason Kidd
"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with
being a woman."
-Rear Admiral James R. Hogg
"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
-Dan Quayle
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if
there is a change in your circumstances."
-Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that
Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course,
that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
-Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as
they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
"Antidotes are what you take to prevent dotes."
-Anon
"One of their children, Cain, once asked, 'Am I my brother's son?'"
-Student Bloopers
"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."
-Batman Costume warning label