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This is a public service announcement to anyone considering doing any of things listed in the "20 Fun Things to do While Ordering a Pizza" node, or any of the other "how to screw with the pizza guy" nodes.

People, you really, really don't want to screw with the pizza guy. He works for crap wages, gets bad tips, and it takes very little to make him hostile. He prepares your food and is alone with it all the way from the pizza place to your house. Here are some examples of "extras" I've seen added to pizzas orders placed by smart-asses and and people who order at 3 a.m. and never tip:

  1. Dirt from floor of pizza place
  2. The toppings you ordered, but taken from the garbage can
  3. Sputum
  4. Urine
  5. Dog food
  6. Animal feces
  7. Human feces
  8. A crust specially prepared on the floor, using the pizza guy's boots
  9. Elmer's glue
  10. The diced up insides of a mouse that was found in one of the traps earlier that day

Note that I do not condone this type of behavior, and have never done it myself, but there are a lot of crazy individuals working in pizza places. Most of them are just as juvenile as the people who like to play jokes on them. Just remember what you read here the next time you are laughing with your friends about how good you got the pizza guy. Also bear in mind that these are only the ones I've seen used. And for God's sake, if you must screw with the pizza guy, don't order from the same place again, he keeps notes. Actually, you probably don't want to risk ordering that pizza in the first place, why not make yourself a nice salad or something?

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