Tenuous Trust Insurance Company - Honky-Tonk Promise
The Tenuous Trust Insurance Company announced earlier this week to launch an expanded form the highly visible and successful “Prom Promise”. The new campaign, dubbed “Honky-Tonk Promise” is patterned after the popular Prom Promise and will be kicked-off in selected Texas counties during the month.
Like Prom Promise, Honky-Tonk Promise is entirely voluntary but instead of being directed at high school prom goers, Honky-Tonk Promise focuses on rural Texas and South-Western Oklahoma rednecks.
It works by inviting Honky-Tonkin’ men to sign a campaign roster vowing not to drink and drive, or otherwise get drunk and generally raise hell. Texas Deputy Governor Preston Calhoun has been critical of outlandish redneck behavior and enthusiastically endorsed the campaign. “We have a problem in the great nation of Texas wherein a small number of indvidjuls will go out a Honky-Tonkin’ and a drankin’ and raisin’ all kinds of hell. They’ll fight, they’ll holler, and then they’ll try to drive home or somewheres else drunker than a skunk in a still keg. But, dad-blasted, that will all be rectumfried (sic) after we get their signatory promises to behave themselves before they commence their patronage in our local taverns.”
Bob Jenkins, Director of the Center of Public Service at Tenuous Trust, worked closely with Texas officials on the project. “We have just provided Texans with a viable option to cure a social ill that confronts many of their rural communities. In return, we’ll see greatly reduced automobile losses. A scant portion of those savings might be eventually be passed back to Texas policyholders producing a win situation for Tenuous Trust.”
The program got underway after Deputy Governor Calhoun contacted Jenkins to develop a partner-shipped solution to Honky-Tonking problems. Amazingly, Jenkins threw the entire Honky-Tonk Promise campaign together over a single weekend.
“I (Jenkins) showed Mr. Calhoun and other state officials a home video from my niece’s high school prom in New Haven Connecticut. Mr. Calhoun and his entire cabinet were astounded by the cordial and eloquent behavior of those young men and women as they sipped punch at their prom. They now look forward to comparable results throughout Texas Honky-Tonks.”
The campaign hasn’t gotten off to as smooth a start as was hoped. In the first weekend the campaign only received two promissory signatures. Worse, one of the two was caught about an hour later breaking into the county courthouse to scratch out his signature. Though difficult to comprehend, the 32-year-old Tucker County resident thought he needed to erase his signature before he could join a barroom brawl.
Lathrop McDuggal, Sheriff of Tucker County, seemed unaffected by the set back. “Sure yer have some premature misfortunes and misgivings. But so long as them signatures detour Jesse Clamp and the daggummed Tacket brothers from shootin’ up the whole dern town, then some minor disturbances and abruptions (sic) in the intrim (sic) will be well worth the endeavor.”