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That plastic duck just keeps staring at me...

Where did he come from? What does he want? Why won't he BLINK?!? These are the questions that rush through my mind as I try to pry my attention away from that damnable plastic duck that someone put on top of my monitor. It's yellow, like a little duckling, but sports a full complement of adult-duck-like features, from the large webbed feet to the facial features often found in grown-up ducks. It's about the size of my thumbnail, and it's looking RIGHT AT ME! Why can't I take my eyes off it? I have work to do! I can't concentrate with it standing there, mocking everything I know and love!

That duck flies in the face of my every hope and dream, telling me I'm not good enough, I'm just a poor loser sitting in front of a workstation all day. My zerg action figure, my holiday Jack ball, my killer-tomato stress-reliever, my South Park 2001 calendar, none of these things can rebuild my withering self-esteem as this judgemental harbinger of plastic doom mad-dogs me into submission.

And yet I can't find the strength to remove it. I can't bring myself to just knock it away like the one-gram polyethaline toy it is. There's something in that stare, that paralyzing...

Whoa, you fell down, little guy...there you go, back where you belong...

Now where was I? Oh yeah...that paralyzing gaze bores into my very soul like some sort of 'laser'. Yeah, like a laser, a red one, accompanied by a high-pitched whine and immediately followed by a puff of smoke, like in that episode of Automan...

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