There are women out there, mostly it's the older ones, the so called soccer moms, that speak with their voice's pitched artificially raised an octave higher then normal.

These women are vicious. I serve them daily, I was raised by one, and I meet them everywhere. I can't figure them out, but there is something despairingly off-balance about them.

My mother is one. She calls the pizza place and says, "HI :) I'd :) like :) to :) place :) an :) order :) please :)." Moments later she is drilling the sap about price breaks and free drinks and coupon expiration dates. At the end of a session she has usually saved $8, and stripped the clerk of his mojo for the night.

I have a great deal of experience with the women who I run through the checkout counter at the local office supply store. Getting this job taught me that my mother is merely one of a fleet of women like her. If they wanted to, they could bitch their way to the president of most major corporations and have that president resign, hanging his head in sorrow and muttering, "It's just... not... worth it." These women will literally take ten minutes out of their day because the packs of crayons that they bought were supposed to be three for the price of two and they are paying $0.99 more then they should. Kiss me kill me. Nah just kill me.

But enough whining, I want to tell E2 why they should stay away from these women. These women have lost perspective. They don't care about what is important and what is not important. They want things their way, unequivocally and without delay. These women cannot be satisfied, they are looking for battles to fight. They are all suffering from a massive identity crisis. Most of them, as my mother does, long for the following life situation: a loving husband and loving children, who are willing to spend time idly sitting around and agreeing that everything is nice, while they defend their family from the social evils of the world, namely all those people who are not in their immediate family. Their husband is responsible for financial income only; they want to be responsible for everything else. And no one else but them sees 'what's really going on.'

The problems with this world view are that it

  • is static, which is impossible to maintain
  • does not conform to standards of interaction set forth by an objective analysis of modern day society
  • is generally rivalrous in nature, even though their are no threats to be neutralized.
These women want everything to sit still so that they can make their home just right and have a loving family that sits around all day and is loving. They don't understand that the world is not out to get them - they are always acting like they are the recipients of attempts at swindling and injustice. About 99% of the time the reality is that their treatment contains no abnormality, and is in fact quite in line with standard operating procedure; yet for some reason they act like they are being unduly targeted whenever confronted. Sometimes they even pick fights over the most trivial matters, which signals that they themselves are rivalrous in nature. It is my impression that they are trying to launch a preemptive strike, before, for example, that evil clerk charges them twice for the stick of gum that they are getting with their new computer.

The solution? How do you get something out of these women, prod them or provoke them so that they think outside of their facade? I'm working on it. For now, I have no fucking clue. These women are a mystery. They don't have the capacity to change or to grow, as far as I can tell. They are stuck in an odd rivet of reality that is all their own, and yet is shared amongst themselves, and so they do not try to take on the personal battle of fighting their way out of it. I have been working on getting my own mother to open up a little, maybe get a job or a hobby or a pet or anything. She isn't happy with her life, but she tries every day to convince herself otherwise. Each day that goes by she tries futilely to build another piece of her image of heaven, the one where the angels speak in those voices that are an octave higher then normal.

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