The Bastard Theory

Theory put forward by Anthony Sherratt concerning how/why it's the bastards who end up with women:

Women find confidence attractive. The only problem with this is that quite often the other traits a woman may look for are not present in the most common form of Confi-magnon man: the Bastard. Bastards are very confident particularly in social situations because they have less invested in it. That is, they don't really care. And when you don't care there’s little or no nerves, a nonchalant attitude and sometimes a touch of arrogance. This lack of caring (the very lack of the sensitivity that women also want) is easily disguised when The Charm needs to be turned on: true bastards do this easily. Their philosophy is that women are for just their pleasure and I've even had one offer his "hunting philosophy" that went along the lines of "I'll get/ask for sex and I get it or I don't. 99 rejections are worth 1 acceptance." (paraphrased) In summary they see women as a sex toy or meat and it's their low care factor that gives them their confidence, their strongest weapon.

Now women reading this may be crying out NO, No at this point but the real problem lies in the fact that most females seem unable to distinguish between confident bastard (common) and confident man (rarer and becoming disillusioned). After all bastards camouflage themselves well and have more opportunity to practice the charm (ie lies). But unlike confident man the bastards don't follow through. Occasionally they will for awhile (refer: sex-on-tap) but their selfishness will shine through.

The truly sad thing is that because of the higher profile the bastards enjoy a lot of women will generalise and categorise all men into the bastards genre. This is obviously untrue (and unfair) but the sensitive man is the one who is a little less likely to play the games and may often be rebuffed early. Going off on a tangent now... But most men can distinguish between the sleaze/player/bastard (confidant-eructus) and the dying breed of confidant romantics (confidant-heartbrokus).

Ironic that the shallower (and retrospectively less attractive) man is more attractive in the short-term. Is humanity doomed by our own genes? Or just our emotional desires?

One female reading this thinks this theory explains things quite well -- confidence is attractive but it also covers up a multitude of flaws that we don't find out until we're treated like crap by the confident bastards.

Luckily, social confidence isn't the only kind; I've discovered that confidence around a hobby, a well-liked job, and other things can be just as attractive and much more likely to indicate a guy worth having around.

One of my roommates has stated this rather well.

According to him, while in Grade School he was the consumate nice guy, and he got leaned on a lot, but never dated.

When he hit college, he started being a jerk to women, making it clear he was in it for sex, and being fairly tactless. Suddenly women were coming from everywhere to fuck him.

They still do.

Being a jerk to pick up girls

It's a well known fact that when it comes to dating, many girls tend to gravitate towards jerk guys. Perhaps girls see jerks as a challenge, a project to work on, or perhaps they only date those bastards since they see the nice guys as a rare commodity to be collected; too valuable to chance losing through the potential stresses of a relationship. Either way, there is hope for the nice guy to slightly change his ways in defense of this dating flaw.

When talking with a girl whom you may like to pick up, there are certain things you can do to portray a certain "jerklyhood" while not losing the nice guy qualities that you hold dear. When it comes down to it, girls claim to be attracted to asshole types since they convey a certain confidence about them. There's also the rebel factor, and the danger factor, but confidence appears to have the largest impact. As such, here are a few things that most nice guys don't normally do, that can decrease your chances of falling into the friend zone.

First of all, start getting comfortable with not always being on the girl's side. From experience, nice guys tend to agree with practically anything a girl they're interested in says. They're having problems at work because they told their idiotic boss off? Don't defend them, agreeing with how stupid the guy is, bring up the fact that no matter how stupid a boss is, you shouldn't tell one off! Not the best example, I know, but I think it gets the point across. Make a point to NOT agree with at least half of the stuff girls say. Get a little debate action going on! It's not only fun, but it lets the girl know that you're not a wimp, while also showing that you're good intellectual company.

Second, start voicing your opinions, no matter how non-"PC" they are. If they talk about how much they love a certain movie that you think was crap, say it was crap! Bring up how a female president would never work because girls are too moody, how retarded children take up too much government funding, or how doing tests on animals is perfectly logical. The trick here is the same as above: showing that you're confident of yourself, and that you're not the typical nice guy.

One more thing that you should do on your journey into jerkdom is get used to not giving into girl's requests. These are small things like not giving up the Sprite you got out of the machine if it was the last one and they really wanted a Sprite. Girls will try to manipulate guys in situations like this, just because they know they can get what they want. Don't do it! They need a ride somewhere? Don't be the first to offer. Show them that you can't be manipulated (like those loser nice guys!) right off the bat.

One other quick note, if a girl is ever talking about how lonely they are, and how they don't have many friends, don't say "Hey, I'll be your friend!" It may be sweet and kind, but if you get them thinking of you as their friend, that's all you'll be.

Now there are a lot of things to be careful of if attempting the nice-guy-to-jerk-maneuver. First of all, these are just various guidelines, don't get carried away with them! The goal here is to not be a complete total asshole, but to show confidence and let them know that you're not a pushover weakling. Still keep your manners and such, just don't be a whipped pansy. The most important thing to watch out for is that your jerk-hobby doesn't carry over into your personal and professional life! This may sound improbable, but it is very easy to get off on the arguing/oppinionated you, but it can cause trouble if your friends are still used to the nice-guy you! This happened to me when I first started this, but luckily I caught it before all of my friends abandoned me! So keep that in mind.

This node is just meant to throw out a few points to ponder over. The trick is to get a girl interested in you first, and then you can be that nice guy that you pride yourself on so much. I'm currently having some good results, so if you're tired of every girl you like becoming another "good friend" then you may want to keep these points in mind: Don't be a pushover, be confident enough to express your own opinions, but still show that you're not complete and utter scum.

Contrary to popular belief, not ALL girls go for jerks. All of my most rewarding relationships have come from guys that I was friends with first.

And this isn't just a one time phenomenon.

Many girls would rather date guys that they can be themselves around, guys that have already seen them at their worst, and still stick beside them.

I will agree with AppleZoom on a few issues though.

It is important that a guy voice his opinion, no matter how contrasting it is to the girl's. However, I wouldn't go so far as to say a female president would be moody, or retarded children just take up space. You do still want the girl to enjoy being around you, don't you? I can't speak for everyone, but a guy who would have ideals like these is not the kind of guy that i would want to associate with - in any manner.

Debating a girl's opinion can be fun and show that you are confident. But just remember to be yourself while doing it. Don't defend things that you don't believe in just to have something to argue about.

And in the end, if you end up being a friend instead of a date, don't be too disapointed. You'll be the one that she's coming to when she's upset, or when she has good news to share. As your friendship gets stronger, she may begin to see that the jerks that she is dating will never compare to the great guys that are always there for her.