Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "The Black Hawk War, or, How to Demolish an Entire Civilization and Still Feel Good About Yourself in the Morning, or, We Apologize for the Inconvenience But You're Going to Have to Leave Now, or, "I have fought the Big Knives and will continue to fight them until they are off our lands!""

• Don't kill your invisible husband to see what he looks like or you'll sob your heart out. But don't worry about the millions of invisible men coming to attack your village because they won't kill you if you don't know how to fight them.
• My soul is in a million pieces. I tried to collect most of them, but some are missing, and the ones I have don't fit together anymore. Feel free to take a piece or two.
• You, standing
• I don't know why but I always love episodes without words. like just something about them makes me feel calm or something..
• I don't know if these are good flowers or bad flowers, but I picked them for you
• I still can't think of anything, or how Fight Club changed my life
• Get dressed NOW or you're going in your underwear.
• Have you ever wondered how many gears a car can have? Or: My experiences with an East German vehicle
• I keep thinking I'm so tough but I rarely care enough to prove it. So am I really tough then? Or does every dog just have its day?
• How to drive a friend mad, and still feel good about yourself
• How to get Apache to tell your visitors when files have moved or been deleted
• Is the lock broke, or does everyone have a key?
• We must remember them or they cease to be.
• I have enthusiasm for everything that you like or are interested in!
• Is this what I have been seeking? Or is it an echo, a remnant, a sign that I was wrong?
• Are you searching to be inspired? Or are you searching to be amused, be content, be happy? What could you have been?
• For future reference, when in eternity or insanity; dreams I would like to have
• Or he'll just kick me in the face and scream abstract noises and dance around outside in his underwear and have sex with the neighbor's dog and try to fly by jumping off the toilet
• You don't always have to disagree, or agree for that matter
• This moment will never come again. Would you rather enjoy it or complain about it?
• you can only make me dizzy if you're spinning me in leaves or snowflakes
• These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
• Micro or macro, we have the means to kill you
• Jessica, too tall but still lovely, was not sure she would or should drop the whale
• The Weddings I have Performed, or Why God is Gonna Kill Me
• I have little or no desire to watch you perform your daily rituals
• For all sad words on tongue or pen, the saddest are these: "It might have been."
• or maybe a calm voice, that accent you don't think you have
• The 25th Amendment, or the legal way to have a coup d' etat
• Strange man makes permanent visit
• Until I die there will be sounds. And they will continue following my death. One need not fear about the future of music.
• "What *should* we be worried about?"; or how too many cooks make a statistically average soup
• But I'm a good person! Yeah great you wanna help me with this or what?
• Stand up for yourself, OR: How I got the shit kicked out of me
• Racing friends with fragile self esteem, or: A good way to get yourself killed
• The UK's farmers, or How to reap a profit without worrying about pesky scruples
• How to develop one side of your butt and still have the other one flabby
• I may or may not have been naked
• Perhaps pain will stop me where good sense and virtue have failed
• Signs that you or someone you know may have a problem with drugs or alcohol
• Smite heathens or have a beer?
• It must have rained or something
• If you or a loved one have been injured or killed
• at the moment i have forgotten if i am abraham lincoln or captain ahab - nonetheless i am an important figure in u.s. history
• The Meeting, or "Have a Nice Day, Mr Hockney"
• socketes matures during 4 14 years. - reflections upon an obscure Dadaist genius in our midst; or, how I learned to stop worrying and love the troll.
• you can lower your standards, or your pants, but you can't make them love you
• Coy or honestly shy, either way I have got mad designs on your dancy eyes
• Why some mammals have an aversion to water
• I have no proof that he would ever want to kiss or destroy me.
• i remember reading this but i can't remember if i liked it or not
• How to scare the Hell out of a Lexus driver, or: Don't take sharp corners at 50mph in the rain
• The mighty have fallen, and I don't feel too good myself
• Good Beat, Easy to Dance To (or The Bottom Line)
• Are we in good news or bad news territory here
• Once and somewhere far away I might have found peace, but now I can't live without this city.
• we have the most gigabytes of infodata but we still shoot each other on the streets
• How do you pronounce a 3? Or a 0?
• She may be pretty and have more money than me but she doesn't write songs about you.
• When I woke up this morning, I thought I was a parallelogram. I still have a sneaking suspicion.
• there's nothing special about love or heartbreak
• Screaming Bullet of Compact Imported Death, or: How I Found Out My Mazda Protege Could Go 130mph
• the world's big enough, but how about your mind?
• Weather-related clichés (or how to start a conversation with a stranger)
• The Thanksgiving Curse, or, how we keep almost getting killed.
• Overcoming arachnophobia, or how I learned to love the spiders with HUMAN HEADS!
• 'Fuck off' used as a replacement for 'good', or 'very'
• Slide, thud, whoosh, crunch, or: Catholic Rally Stage 1 Fights Back
• I just submit to one or two days of horror for going out and playing at being a normal functioning person
• there are no good or bad people
• copying images or the words of the Buddha is a good deed and way of gaining merit
• I'm sorry I was speeding, officer, but I really have to get to the hospital
• I will have her forever but I can't touch her
• when I am King, we will have no such things, but, my lads, if the old king my father were dead, we would be all kings.
• you have ghosts. where are they? are they so deep that the light cannot reach them? is there any such place?
• If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.
• Rocks Do Not Belong in the Road, or: How to Launch a Mazda Protege Into the Air
• Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
• Our minds bend and twist in the wind, our bodies fall apart, and the ghosts we leave behind have only one question: Where Have You Been?
• Show your work, or, how my math abilities started to decline
• How to tell if you are stoned or not
• The Tornado, or, how we almost all got killed.
• How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?
• "Of course humans aren't intelligent. They don't even have glurbleflukers. If you can't glurblefluke, you're not sentient."
• How to share your Cable Modem or DSL connection between two computers
• Every morning when I wake up, I feel guilty for all the things I have ever been
• Are all good modern works of literature satire, dystopia or both?
• Now that I have nothing resembling a desk, I am allowing myself a node to fantasize about one
• Fight or flight response
• If poetry could describe the way you make me feel, poetry would be illegal. Or anyway I might get arrested.
• 54-40 or fight!
• Every poem about thunder was written under the protection of a roof, or, at the very least, an empty sky
• When you know things are just meant to be
• I can only pray that, when I finally leave, I will have done little enough damage to be totally forgotten
• It feels like fingernails across the moon. Or do you rub your wings together?
• you're not alive until you have nothing left to lose
• I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head.
• Dental surgery, or, how I learned to appreciate anesthesia
• Dr. Bloodmoney or How We Got Along After the Bomb
• New And Improved Illustrated Bartender's Manual or How to Mix Drinks of the Present Style
• there are people in the world who love you, and they will see that this suffering will not have happened in vain
• I am afraid to breathe or shut my eyes but I do both.
• Shaving your nuts without permanent injury and/or accidental castration
• I'm beginning to think that nothing I think or say makes sense to anyone but me
• They made the sunrise for people like us just so we have an excuse for why we're still up.
• The male libido - or - How I was castrated by the 90's
• I don't believe in God or the soul but these machines can make me cry
• How I insulted a Mormon, or reason #78345 I'm an Idiot
• How to disable or translate caps lock in Microsoft Windows 2000
• There were a few moments you will not hear about, but they happened
• They call you heartless, but you have a heart, and I love you for being ashamed to show it. You are ashamed of your flood, while others are ashamed of their ebb.
• How many different species live on or in the average human body?
• How to recover a lost Linux root or Windows 2000 Administrator password
• How I got over my homophobia or the reasons that I blame my grades on a gay man
• How to do an overbar or overline in Microsoft Word
• You're voting this sucka down now, but I'm going to laugh
• if I can't be with you, then I'll write about you, or I'll write about something else
• And if I don't die or worse I'm going to need a nap
• Fight or flight
• Legally Black or White
• These are the only minutes you'll ever have. Take good care of them.
• We are scarred, grizzled veterans of wars you'll never have to fight
• Go big or go home
• Writing horror: invoking fight or flight
• The Fight with the Snapping Turtle: Or, the American St. George
• Would you rather fight a horse-sized chicken or a hundred chicken-sized horses
• Look, I don't mean to be an asshole or anything, but...
• black or red (user)
• What is worse, a white man punching a black man, or a white man calling a black man a nigger?
• One of the dangers of necromancy is you don't really know who's on the other side or what they're going to give you in return.
• Good Johnny's Happy Noderthon for Kids & a $1000 or a Blow-Job (whichever is lesser value).
• There is not much new to say about snow, or about broken love
• we are neither good nor evil. is a bowl good or evil?
• Music that is either by the Sonic Youth or by some band that is ripping off the Sonic Youth, but you can't tell which
• I may have cellulite, but I can still put my ankles behind my head
• How to have fun in post-Civil War New York
• I Came Out Here To Have A Good Time And Honestly I Am Feeling So Attacked Right Now
• You're not alive until you have something to lose
• If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns
• With or Without You... but I prefer the latter
• It's too early to talk about God, or women
• As long as we have the purple berries we needn't worry about our size.
• All good men are either gay or married
• My brother is still dead... and now I have his car...
• The people we have met in the last 5 years, & will we remember them in 10 more
• judge a captain not by his shipwrecks, but by whether or not he blames the sea
• By morning I will have erased all traces that I was ever here
• It wasn't so much what you said, or what I did, but more what you said I did, and what I didn't say at all.
• I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me
• The eyes of the dead may not blink, but they have been known to wander
• Eight or Nine Wise Words About Letter Writing
• I am no doubt moving. The question now is not where, but how. My life changes everyday. Big deal.
• I have dreamed. And now I will awake.
• How we could still have a President Trump
• I didn't have the heart to tell him I was lying about taco night, but at least the hellhound made some friends
• The ones with their priorities straight don't know how to get what they want, and the ones who get what they want have messed up priorities.
• Your radical ideas about many things have already occurred to others but have never been articulated in a fashion so accessible to current generations
• By morning I will have erased all traces that I was ever a bear
• The FOOLS! They laughed at my theories at the university, but I'll have my revenge! I'll have my REVENGE!
• It will only make our insides burn until we are nothing but ash.

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