What qualifications do I have to fill this node?

Well, for one thing, I am both pale and dorky, as well as being female. However, since that's really not all that special, I have a confession to make.

My name is kiladogg and I was once ghetto. Okay, more than ghetto. I was once one of those curious creatures that populates middle class homes all over the country: a white girl who thinks she's black. Or at least dark-skinned Latina. Yes, I wore Fubu, lined my lips with eyeliner and rolled my neck at authority figures.

Eventually, I changed my ways. I realized that I am not black. I am not even remotely tanned. I am whiter than a Wonder-Bread-and-Spam-sandwich. I admitted that my family was moderately well-off. I attended a private high school. I started buying clothes from thrift stores and listening to indie rock. I went to punk shows and made out with girls. I embraced my dorky white girl fate.

I cannot completely shake my past, however. I am left with a few vestigial wigga traits. I can seamlessly integrate the words "hella", "phat", and "tight" into my everyday conversation. I have to fight the urge to booty dance whenever I hear a half-decent beat. And I am absolutely addicted to rap and hip-hop.

I present, then, a few tips to help out the terminally Caucasian.

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