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The lines were blurred.
The carriage never came.
No one gave word.
They sank without blame.

The bartender at the only saloon in town was happy to see them walk into his place. It wasn't often that four attractive young women entered all at once. Those that passed on from the other world and were consigned to Rancho Nuevo normally came alone. As luck would have it, this foursome had been out on a boat together. They had been drinking wine coolers and talking about boys when the time came. Being too drunk and too far from shore, they got Rancho Nuevo instead of their senior year of high school.

"Welcome to the Blackjack Saloon, ladies."

They thought they were lost. Their faint memories of the accident with the boat felt like broken fragments of a dream. Their leader, a delightfully proportioned blonde, stepped forward and asked the bartender for help. They wanted to know where they were and how they could get home. The bartender offered them a free round and informed them that they were home.

"Welcome to the Blackjack Saloon, ladies."

Their confusion eased slightly after they took the perfectly blended rum punch the bartender offered. They looked around the Blackjack Saloon and began to accept that they really were in this place and that there was no way home. The punch helped them to remember, and the bartender smiled as they gasped in unison as the memory of their last breath before dropping below the waterline came to them all simultaneously.

"The mayor of Rancho Nuevo may have a job for you ladies.
Rarely does one get an opportunity to step outside of town once becoming a resident.
You all may receive that opportunity."

He could tell they were interested, and the ever watchful eye of Demonios, the mayor of Rancho Nuevo, smiled. These four would be perfect for his needs. Apathy had taken hold of Demonios' efforts to rain destruction upon other worlds. His minions had lost their drive to bring to an end existence outside of Rancho Nuevo and needed constant punishment to remind them of their place in Demonios' plans. Still, most of them chose whatever punishment was offered rather than continue their work. Now Demonios had in his grasp four teenagers who had all too recently been cheerleaders and future soriority pledges. They could be easily coaxed into unbridled enthusiasm by the right individuals.

Their names were Candy, Paula, Jennifer and Chrissy. They only stayed in Rancho Nuevo for an hour before receiving their new assignment, although time in Rancho Nuevo is nothing like time in other places. They found themselves abruptly taken from the Blackjack Saloon after finishing their rum punch. The next time their doors of perception were opened they were on a desert plain staring at a group of four men on horseback. They were dressed in armor draped in red capes, but their weapons were sheathed at their sides while they tossed a rubber ball back and forth.

"Inspire them with a cheer.
Else you shall regret the consequences."

The girls, now attired in their old cheerleader outfits with pom pons made of unmentionable materials, stared at each other blankly. Before the wrath of their new master could be launched, Candy stepped forward and began the cheer. She did not know how it came to her, but once it did, it felt very natural.

"Sis boom bah!
Rah! Rah! Rah!
Kill the people!
Kill them good!
Make them die slowly!
They see no tomorrow!
Kill! Kill! Kill!"

The passion of the riders was renewed once they heard the cheer. They unsheathed their weapons, placed their helmets back on their heads, and rode down into the quiet village below to slaughter men, women and children of all shapes and sizes.

The work of the cheerleaders was far from complete. Death and destruction had many footholds in the lands outside Rancho Nuevo. Many of these would require the special talents of Demonios' cheerleaders. Once the killing and destruction of the village was underway, the girls were whisked away to a city bathed in darkness. A terrible plague had affected the people of this once great city, which was now overrun with rats and insects of great size and unpleasant disposition. The disease had stagnated, however, and the people were developing some kind of immunity. The disease needed to be spurred on so it could regain its pride and power. The cheerleaders went to work.

"Sis boom bah!
Rah! Rah! Rah!
Poison all the people!
Suck out their life!
Make them feel bad!
Make them sick!
Sick! Sicker! Dead!"

A violent storm was wreaking havoc all along the coast of a wealthy, industrious nation. The people were standing strong against this storm, so much that those who controlled it were considering giving up. They felt beaten, as the death toll from their efforts was a fraction of what they hoped for. The cheerleaders found them and told them not to lose faith. If they made the storm stronger, they could overwhelm the defenses of these misguided people.

"Sis boom bah!
Rah! Rah! Rah!
Bash down the coastline!
Destroy all the homes!
Kill all those people!
Wash them away!
Show them who's bigger!
You are the biggest!
Big bad storm!"

The bartender was somewhat sorry he let the girls get away. They would have been good for his business. Three young cheerleaders could fetch quite a price in Rancho Nuevo, especially for the right group of menfolk who had all the time of eternity. Yet, the bartender would receive many concessions from Demonios. He was allowed to remain as the operator of the only bar in all of town. That counted for a lot more than the price of four little cheerleaders who would have to learn the true meaning of doing "the splits" the way they were defined here in Rancho Nuevo.


The Rancho Nuevo Series:

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