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Submitted for The Great Gamma Ray Comic Book Script Quest, for grundy!

GammaGirl was sitting on her couch, growing acquainted with Benjamin and Jerome, when she noticed a blue flickering out of the corner of her eye, coming from her fish tank.


She looked over at her small aquarium, fitted with aquatic grass, seashells, and a tiny replica of a British pub c. 1935. Kevin the Three-Eyed Perch was floating there, glowing bright blue.

"Kevin!" She yelled. "You're picking up trouble?" This was a rather rhetorical question; Kevin always glowed blue when there was trouble.

Kevin blinked two of his three mutuant eyes. One meant he was running out of fish flakes. Two meant he had picked up psy-waves of trouble somewhere in the city; three, he was running low on Smithwick's. Naturally, his three mutant eyes were on one side of his head, Flounder-style. The other side was a blank slate that might as well be a sea-rock to any prospective predator. She had found him marooned on a small, rocky island devoid of any resources whatsoever, downstream from the Dungeness nuclear power plant, and lovingly rehabilitated him in Paradise.

GammaGirl plunged her radioctive fist into the lukewarm tank water, and picked up the psy-waves from Kevin. Images immediately started appearing in her mind...

A crowd of people. Angry people.

Waiting in line...holding something...looking disappointed.

Cruel grin of an Arab, shifty moustache heaving in demented laughter.

Something else...oh my God...NO, not THAT!!!

GammaGirl jumped off the couch, sprinted for the door, and headed out into the misty, fog-strewn streets of Gotham. Luckily, she was already bedecked in her form-fitting, metallic blue superheroine garb, since the call to action came at 10:45; fifteen minutes later, she would have told prospective relief-seekers to FUCK RIGHT OFF. Sure, she was a superhero, but she damn well needed her beauty sleep too. It regenerated her gamma-rays; or at least, that was the excuse.

She scooped up Kevin and placed him into a leather, watertight pouch attached to her belt; Kevin was mostly useless, but did pose a particular threat if he used his SECRET, ultra-EFFECTIVE attack mechanism, which must be kept secret for maximum effect. She darted onto the street, and headed into the direction of the distress, using tiny, controlled nuclear explosions to propel herself across the tops of the skyscrapers which lined her avenue.

GammaGirl could hear the wailing blocks away from the Shawarma shop. As she leapt closer, the cries of anguish became clearer.

Why is it COLD? I wanted it HOT! Why can't I have it HOT!!!"

"Damn you, Samir! Why must you assault my taste buds with ice-cold kebab???"

"For the love of God, all I want is a HOT SHAWARMA!!!"

GammaGirl dropped five stories onto the sidewalk in front of the teeming melee; a tiny nuclear burst cushioned her fall at the last second. Kevin flopped about in his watertight pack, slightly nauseous from the G Forces. A hush fell over the teeming crowd; some pointed at her, some whispered her name.

She stood with her hands on her waist. "GammaGirl is here!" she pronounced. Kevin the Radioactive Perch stuck his head out of his pouch. "Kevinfish too!" GammaGirl looked down and shoved him back into the pouch. "Not now, you'll get your chance" she whispered.

The crowd swarmed around her for relief. Each person was holding up what looked like a fresh shawarma, but upon closer inspection, she noticed ice crystals covering the meat. They begged for her to restore their pita-wrapped sandwiches to their original hot state. The suffering was unreal.

My God, she thought. Samir's back

"NEVER FEAR!" cried GammaGirl. "Come forward, one at a time!" The crowd formed into a rough line, and one by one, GammaGirl placed her hands around their shawarmas; she used her power of Microwave Hands to restore each shawarma to its original, piping hot, delicious state. The ice crystals dissolved, and rose into the air as steam vapour, as each disappointed patron took a bite, pleasure restored to their face.

"Thank you!" Gushed one person.

"Sweet, warming nourishment!" cried another.

GammaGirl had nearly finished warming the last shawarma with her Microwave Hands when a small, clove-shaped projectile hit it, exploding a garlicky mess all over. She looked into the shop; an overweight Lebanese guy was standing in front of the columns of rotating meat, an enraged expression on his face, and she immediately knew he had missed his target.

Samir. GarlicMan. He was back, in a big way. And he was pissed.

The bulging, black eyes; heavy, black mustache; stubble you could light a match on. This was Samir alright, no question about it. Seeing his snarling, bulldog-esque face again immediately brought back memories from a similar misty, moonlit night in the dockside warehouses, three years ago...(cascading harp plays; vision blurs)


Samir was trapped against a wall of crates marked garlic, held in place by the blue-tinged force field GammaGirl could generate for short periods of time, panting for breath but still defiant. GammaGirl looked at him without a hint of pity.

"Your plan to hoard the world's supply of garlic, and purify it to create a strain of supergarlic which would ruin people's shawarma experiences was cunning, Samir." She paced near him while he struggled.

"You...you think you've won, haven't you! Well you found the garlic, but you'll never find our top-secret garlic purification lab!"

GammaGirl gave out a little chuckle. "We've already found it. And destroyed it."

Samir was shocked. "But...but...how???"

Kevinfish popped out of his leather pouch, and spit out a tiny, charred piece of bunsen burner. GammaGirl patted him on the head. "Kevinfish here took care of that. But the only question I have for you now, is, why? Why ruin the shawarma experience of so many? Just to get your own sadistic kicks?"

Samir struggled and gnashed his teeth. "I'll never tell you! Never!!!!"

"Fine, then, Samir." She looked down at Kevinfish. "Do your thing!"

Kevinfish popped out of his pouch again, and started shaking; his three eyes began glowing bright, radioactive green. The garlic boxes started to shake and strain, and Samir was pounding on the force field.


GammaGirl and Kevinfish turned around and calmly walked out of the warehouse, the sound of an explosion echoing from behind them.

Later that night, a half-man, half-garlic clove crawled out of the rubble. Fusion power at its finest.


GammaGirl slowly walked into the ruined front window of the Shawarma shop, and stood in front of Samir.

"Samir, my friend, we meet again!"

He just grunted. "You thought you could destroy me, didn't you? But I am MIGHTY SAMIR, KING OF GARLIC!!" He immediately started shooting razor-sharp garlic cloves from his mouth. GammaGirl ducked behind a chair.

"But...how did you undo the fusion? How is that possible?" A clove exploded above her head, raining down pungent juice around her. She darted behind another table.

Samir was laughing maniacally. "I bet you thought Nigerian yellowcake was a myth, didn't you?" He placed his thick, meaty hand on a pile of pickled turnips; it immediately transformed into a bowl of creamery garlic sauce. "Well, it has its uses! And I came out even stronger than before!!!" The sauce began rotating slowly in its bowl; then, it picked up speed, faster and faster, and began to look like a tornado spinning upwards.

Uh oh, GammaGirl thought. This must be his power attack.

She opened the pouch. "Kevinfish!" she yelled. "Kevinfish?"

Kevinfish was slumped over at the bottom, nauseous.

"Too much Riggwelter again, huh?" Kevinfish groggily nodded.

She dropped an alka-seltzer tablet into the water. "This had better help, because I need you right now!"

He emerged from the pouch, slightly green, little bubbles floating out of his mouth. "I'm here, what do you want?"

GammaGirl looked at the garlic tornado, spinning in place and gaining intensity. She looked back at Kevinfish. "You know what to do!"

He flopped onto the ground, and shimmied his way between the tables and chairs, close to the counter.

Moving with nuclear speed and agility between the tables, GammaGirl continued her questioning. "What is your plan, Samir? Why must you ruin the shawarma experience for SO MANY!!"

He was staring rapt at the garlic tornado, chuckling to himself. "I have to lower the global happiness ratio by a single percent! And then I, and the Organization, will ascend in domination! You know well the Organization's powers...we helped make you what you are! But no-one can stop us now!!!" The garlic tornado stretched almost to the ceiling. She took a quick glance at Kevinfish, flopping behind Samir, getting closer...closer...

GammaGirl considered his comments. Was it possible that Samir was only a henchman? Maybe there was greater evil afoot in the world...she spied a dry ice block misting from behind the rotating stacks of meat. So that was how he was chilling the sandwiches...

Samir was laughing maniacally now, garlic tornado spinning wildly. "Yes, yes, it is ready! Prepare for your DOOM!" She glanced again at Kevinfish, now almost directly behind Samir. He started shaking.

Suddenly, a kitchen worker emerged from the back with a bowl of pickles, which he immediately dropped.

"SAMIR!" He cried. "BEHIND YOU!"

Samir spun around and caught Kevinfish standing there, in the middle of his charging process.

"Not THIS vile beast again!!!" He focused the garlic tornado with his hand, and sent the boiling, roiling mass flying directly towards Kevinfish. "This time, YOU die!"

GammaGirl lunged. "NOOOOOOO!" Kevinfish recoiled and tried to get out the way as the mass came towards him. Samir tented his fingers in anticipation; the sated crowd milled around the broken window, watching in shock and anticipation. How was Kevinfish going to get out of this! And how could GammaGirl hope to defeat the evil Organization without him?

Catch the THRILLING CONCLUSION in our next issue of The GammaGirl Chronicles; Garlic Dreams and Yellowcake

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