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"This whole past summer was a lingering heatwave" - Phil Elverum

Those words are the best way to encapsulate these past 4 months. Stuck inside and out with the same people eventually gets sickening for oneself and the other party. However there has been some brief respite during this time. I've travelled back to my home town and recorded music with my band and may or may not have partook in psychedelics.

Another thing I've come to the realization of is death.

It's always there, even if you dont want it to be. I think a lot now of how I will bury my Father, Mother and my other family members when I am older. How before I complete college 3 of my cats will die. When I'm 30 my mom will be 70-something. I guess this whole realization is supposed to teach me to love and cherish the time you spend with your family, friends and animals but I dont want that. Death is unfair. I dont want to learn anything from it. 

Life is unfair though, so it happens. The worst death I've experienced, so far, is both of my grandmothers, at a time when I was too young to adequately process it.

The notion of mortality and our eventual expiration, be it planned or sudden, is unjust in my eyes. Our society has the carnal desire to be so caring about trivial matters that are pointless to our finite lives. Maybe everyone comes to this enigma at my age where saying 'fuck the world' is the best we can do to fulfill our misanthropy.

The best I can do is strum my guitar and sing in a way that fulfils my contempt for the unending churning of mankind.

Death is real and all it does is remind ourselves to maintain a facade of humanity.

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