The Matrix A La VeggieTales
Screenplay by KillerPenguin
Cast of Characters:
Neo:
Larry the Cucumber
Morpheus:
Bob the Tomato
Trinity:
Laura the Carrot
Cypher:
Mr. Lunt
Dozer:
Jerry Gourd
Tank:
Jimmy Gourd
Switch:
Annie the Unrecognizable Vegetable
Apoc:
Archibald Asparagus
Mouse:
Junior Asparagus
The Oracle:
Madame Blueberry
The Spoon Boy:
Pa Grape
The Matrix:
Qwerty the Computer
The Agents:
The French Peas
At this point you can either continue reading my rendition of what this would be like, or take my cast of characters and imagine the hilarity for yourself. Your Decision, have fun.
Act 1, Scene 1
Close up of Qwerty's Screen, complete with funky outlined boomerang motif.
Numbers rotating in big block lettering
Laura the Carrot: Target just left work, mumbling about his lips, headed
home.
Mr. Lunt: Good, between you and me, do you believe what Morpheus says?
Qwerty beeps and clicks
Laura the Carrot: What was that?
Lunt: What was what?
Laura: Are you sure this line is clean?
Lunt: Of course
Qwerty Screen: Trace complete
Laura: I'd better go.
Lunt: Okee
Camera travels through Qwerty's screen, it's all a kaleidoscope of pastels.
Act I, Scene 2
Laura typing at Computer, seen from back
Cops break door down (cops played by the scallions)
Laura is out of her chair
Portly scallion approaches
(Bullet time)
Laura jumps in air as camera rotates around her
(Real time resumes)
Laura headbashes cop
Cop falls over, rest of cops run screaming
Agents enter
Laura jumps from window and runs to payphone and escapes.
I know, it's not going to be contiguous, imagine in the rest.
Int. Interrogation Room
French Pea 1: It seems, Mr. Anderson, that you are leading two lives.
In one of them, you are the star of a successful children's video series.
The other life, is lived in computers, and spandex, which we'd rather not
talk about.
One of these lives, has a future and one of them does not.
But frankly, we're here because, we need your help.
It is our belief that you have been contacted by an individual named
Morpheus.
He is considered by many authorities to be the most dangerous vegetable alive.
We are willing to wipe the slate clean, Mr. Anderson, all we are asking is your cooperation in bringing a known criminal to justice.
Larry the Cucumber: Boy that sound like a pretty good deal, but I've got a better one.
How about, I give you the finger...
French Pea 1: Tell me, Mr Anderson, how will you give me the finger, if you don't have any hands?
Larry: I don't know.
Larry lunges over table at Agent Smith. The other two agents grab him and strap him down.
Camera pans up and overhead light overwhelms screen, the only thing heard is the sound of struggling.
Larry shouts (voice over): Not the peelerrrr...
We see Larry wake up in his own bed.
His phone rings.
Bob the Tomato (on phone): Do you know who this is?
Larry: Morpheus...
Bob: Yes...this line is tapped so I must be brief, the Agents underestimated how important you are, if they knew what I know...you'd probably be salad.
Larry:(Gasps)
Bob: Go to the Adams Street Bridge.
Act I, Scene 3
Car pulls up
Larry gets in car,
Trinity,
Apoc and
Switch are within.
Laura (Trinity): Lift up your shirt.
Larry: I'm not wearing a shirt.
Laura: Right, well, we think you're bugged. Lie back.
Switch points a device at Neo
Larry: What's that?
Apoc, Switch and Trinity chime in together:
SALAD SHOOTER
Annie (Switch): It's for our protection, Neo.
Neo faints.
Act II, Scene 1
Neo wakes up, cold and alone on a makeshift bed inside the
Nebby K. Nezzer, Morpheus' ship.
Morpheus enters
Bob the Tomato: We believe that you're the one, Neo, the one who can free us from the Tyranny that is
the Matrix.
Larry: Oh, okay.
Bob: Come with me, your training will begin.
Neo is taken into the main deck of the ship where the crew is working busily.
Bob: Guys, Neo; Neo, Guys.
Everyone: Hi
Neo: Hi
Morpheus takes him to the center of the ship an shoves what looks like a
kebab stick in his head.
Neo feels the ship swirl and dissolve around him, he is suddenly on the top of the counter he is rather familiar with.
Bob: You must let go Neo,
free your mind.
As he speaks, Bob hops awkwardly to the edge of the counter and in an amazing feat of vegetable aerobics, he seems to fly to the kitchen table far distant.
Larry: Free my mind...free my mind...
Larry hops and attempts the same thing, only to be turned into
Cucumber Guacamole on the kitchen floor.
He awakes again in the Nebby K.
Bob: It's okay, everyone misses the first jump.
Larry: Really?
Bob: Nope, you're the first.
Larry: Oh...
Bob: Time to see the
oracle.
Larry: Who's that?
Bob: You wouldn't understand.
Act II, Scene 2
After Neo learns his destiny from the Oracle, they return to their entry point where the Agents are waiting for them, Morpheus is captured,
Switch,
Apoc, and
Mouse are killed after an
unquestionably valiant effort to hold guns. Neo and Trinity are back in the Nebby K. Nezzer.
Larry: I'm going in, I have to rescue Morpheus.
Laura: No, don't! Stay here, we'll make
hydroponically engineered hybrid vegetables!
Larry: A Cu-Carrot? I don't think so. Besides, the Oracle told me that I'd have to choose, Morpheus' life, or mine. She also told me that I'm not the one.
Laura: Nuh-uh!
Larry:
I need guns!
Laura: You can't hold guns.
Larry: Got
Duct Tape?
Laura: Of course!
Neo and Trinity tape all forms of weaponry to their bodies and prepare to enter the
Matrix
Act II, Scene 3
After clearing out the lower lobby of the building in which Morpheus was being held, Neo and Trinity drop the
Wallminator 3000 down the elevator shaft and proceed to make their way to the roof. On the roof, Neo dons his
Super Suction Ears (TM) and attaches himself to the window where they are questioning Morpheus. Morpheus realizes that, since he has no hands, there's nothing keeping him in the chair and he gets up and begins to overpower the agents. Neo, by this time, has slid beneath the window of the interrogation room and is sliding down the building. Bob leaps through the glass and grabs on to Neo (God knows how) propelling him at a faster, but not yet deadly, rate towards the ground.
They reach the ground.
Bob: Neo, you're the one...
Larry: I know...
Rage Against The Machine Music Fades Up
Credits roll