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East Coast mermaids are cruel.
West Coast mermaids are cool.

The mermaids of New York, New Jersey, the Carolinas, Florida, they're just in it for their own amusement.
Luring the itinerant sailor to his death out of caprice and outright malice.

But the mermaids of San Francisco mean no harm.
It's just that they fall in love with beautiful men they see.
(And sometimes with women, too.)
The mermaids of San Francisco lure their fancies beneath the waves out of affection.
They cannot help but hold so tightly to their objects of desire.

Do they die, these surfers and swimmers who fall into the San Francisco mermaid's adoration?
Nobody knows, for they are last ever seen sliding beneath the waves in a piscine lover's embrace.
Unlike the victims of East Coast mermaids, whose bodies are callously left to wash ashore.

All mermaids are to be avoided.
But for different reasons.

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