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(Lucy-S hopes J.R.R. Tolkien and Ministry will accept her sincerest apologies for writing the following parody in a haze of eggnog-induced giddiness.)

 

Boromir: Give me the ring, Frodo ... I need the ring!

Kick in a crushing industrial rhythm of goblin drums punctuated with the screams of souls being tortured by Sauron's orcs

Gimli: NEVER TRUST AN ELF!

Cue in snarling heavy metal lute riff

Gollum keeps creeping away
Babbling in crazed agitation
Running through Mordor at night
Mount Doom my destination

The One Ring (the one ring, one ring, one ring)
The One Ring (one ring, one ring, one ring)
The One Ring (one ring, one ring, one ring)
The One Ring (one ring, one ring, one ring)

Light keeps slipping away
Fighting Sauron's shadow damnation
Poisoned, I'm finding my way
Galadriel's gifts my only salvation

The One Ring (the one ring, one ring, one ring)
The One Ring (one ring, one ring, one ring)
The One Ring (one ring, one ring, one ring)
The One Ring (one ring, one ring, one ring)

The electric lutes build and rage beneath various voice samples:

Saruman: The one ring!

Gandalf: Keep it safe. Keep it secret!

Saruman: Your love of the halfling's leaf has clearly slowed your mind.

Gandalf: Is it safe?

Saruman: The one ring!

Boromir: Give me the ring! I need the ring!

Tortured Souls: Aaaaaah!

Can I just throw it away
To burn in the dread conflagration
The fate of the world rests on my will
I must resist my dire temptation

The One Ring (the one ring, one ring, one ring)
The One Ring (one ring, one ring, one ring)
The One Ring (one ring, one ring, one ring)
The One Ring (one ring, one ring, one ring)

(etc.)

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