Of the Eleven Major Owls , the Owl of Ice Cream is considered the most "approachable", far more so even than the Owl of Grommets and the Owl of Tang. On days of greater than average solar flare activity, when most citizens and other entities -- those who retain their will -- remain in cool tombs underground or travel the surface only in ponderous and cumbersome suits of lead (see illustration), gangs of laughing children will run through the corridors below the mountain. They emerge in the vast forests of the northern slope, where the ancient and towering leadwoods, hundreds of meters high, afford protection on the surface. An hour's pleasant walk through the woods brings them to the Indurate Crag, where the Owl of Ice Cream spends his days in a trance. On being shaken briskly, the Owl will awaken and distribute treats to the children. He will summarily devour every five-hundredth child, but children are plentiful and the Owl has a way of laughing the whole thing off when it happens. He receives few complaints.

Lest future generations wonder what I was on, Gorgonzola did a typo in the chatterbox about "putting a bowl of ice cream in front of a four-year-old", but he missed the 'b'. Hilarity ensues, blah blah blah.

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