The Penguin

Written by Jeramey Crawford and Rob Flynn

Once upon a term'nal dreary, while I hack'ed, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten code--
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a beeping,
As of some one gently feeping, feeping using damn talk mode.
"'Tis some hacker," I muttered, "beeping using damn talk mode--
Only this. I hate talk mode."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak semester,
And college life wrought its terror as the school year became a bore.
Eagerly I wished for privledges;--higher access I sought to borrow
For my term'nal, unceasing sorrow--sorrow for a file called core--
For the rare and radiant files of .c the coders call the core--
Access Denied. Chown me more.

"Open Source," did all mutter, when, with very little flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately Penguin of the saintly days of yore.
Quite a bit obese was he; having eaten lots of fish had he,
But, by deign of Finnish programmer, he sat in the middle of my floor--
Looking upon my dusty term'nal in the middle of my floor--
Came, and sat, and nothing more.

Then the tubby bird beguiling my sad code into shining,
By the free and open decorum of the message that it bore,
"Though thy term'nal be dusty and slow," he said, "Linux be not craven!"
And thus I installed a new OS far from the proprietary shore--
The kernel code open but documentation lacking on this shore.
Quoth the Penguin, "pipe grep more!"

Much I marvelled this rotund fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning--little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help believing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird in the middle of his floor--
Bird or beast sitting in the middle of his cluttered floor,
With such instructions as "pipe grep more."

But the Penguin, sitting lonely in that cluttered floor, spoke only
Those words, as if its soul in that instruction he did outpour.
Nothing more did he need utter; understood did I among that clutter--
Understood his command as I could scarcely do a few moments before--
I typed as furious as was willed me, understanding just a minute before.
Again the bird said "pipe grep more!"

"Amazing!" said I, "Penguin we will conquor the world if you will!
By the Network that interconnects us--by that Finn we both adore--
We'll take this very world by storm!" For now grasped I what he'd meant,
The thing I do while searching /usr/doc/* for that wond'rous lore--
Those compendiums of plaintext documentation and descriptive lore.
Quoth the Penguin, "pipe grep more!"

And the Penguin, never waddling, still is sitting, still is sitting
In the middle of my room and still very cluttered floor;
And his eyes have all the seeming of the free beer I am drinking
And the term'nal-light o'er him glowing throws his shadows on the floor;
And this OS from out the shadows that is pow'ring my term'nal on the floor
Shall be dominating--"Pipe grep more!" 

Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot's father was the owner of a shop that sold birds. He died at an early age from pneumonia, which Oswald's mother was convinced was caused by his father going out in the rain without an umbrella. From that point forward, young Oswald was forced to carry an umbrella with him whenever he left the house. This along with his lack of height and being overweight caused Oswald to be the target of a good deal of mocking from the other children. They nicknamed him Gobble Gobble and penguin because of his appearance.

Through the years, Oswald and his sister Miranda helped their mother to run the bird shop. Oswald became quite attached to the birds and sought solace in them when he was teased by the other kids. Through this, Oswald became an expert in all there was to know of birds, so when he went to college to study ornithology, he found he was already better versed in the study than his professors.

Soon after Oswald graduated, the courts seized the bird shop and the birds because of back taxes that were due. As Oswald watched the only friends he had ever known being taken away by the law, he vowed to oppose the law from then on and become a thief. When he attempted to carry out his plan, he was mocked by other criminals and called the Penguin. Oswald again decided that he would show them that he was not to be mocked and that he would make his umbrella a thing to be feared, not derided. When next he was seen, Oswald was dressed the part of a penguin, in tuxedo and tails and carrying an umbrella that concealed a .45 caliber gun. He also called himself the Penguin.

The Penguin's crimes have often times brought him in conflict with Gotham City's defender, Batman. The Penguin's plans usually involve bird related themes and he often employs trick umbrellas that do such things as act as shields, spray gas, can be used like a helicopter, or give an electrical charge. Despite his appearance, the Penguin is trained in boxing and can be a tough foe in a fight and has also shown himself to be very agile.

The Penguin has been portrayed on both television and in the movies. On the Batman television series, the Penguin was played by Burgess Meredith, while in the second Batman movie installment, the Penguin was played by Danny Devito. In the movie, the Penguin's origin was changed to make him the deformed son of a wealthy socialite who was abandoned as a child.