The Truth About Cats and Dogs

a film (a romantic comedy, in keeping with greek theatre) in which we are asked to accept the premise that Janeane Garofalo is far, far less attractive than Uma Thurman, and that antics can ensue around this premise. i found this premise impossible to accept: i'd rather have Janeane in my harem than Uma. i'm just sayin'.

The Truth About Cats, Dogs, Men and Women

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Men and dogs...

Women and cats...

will eat almost anything

play with their food

like rough play

prefer affection or just being held

prefer comfort to style

groom constantly

get louder when angry

communicate with hints and looks

get dirty a lot

must always look good

bang into things

feel pain when they break a nail

enjoy car rides

lay in the sun

fuck up and get over it

meant to do that

Let their friends push them around

are complete opportunists

have smelly and/or stupid friends

need their space

play with their genitals in public

torment weak adversaries

like bitches

are nosy

have no fashion sense

can't catch a ball

are players 24 / 7

need their alone time

have no shame

look weird without hair

A dog thinks: Hey, those people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me.....They must be gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me.....I must be a god!

What is a Cat?

1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. They whine when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8. They're moody.
9. They leave hair everywhere.
10. They drive you nuts and cost you money.

Conclusion: They're tiny little women in fur coats.

What is a Dog?

1. Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They are great at begging.
8. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
9. They can never have enough toys and they leave them everywhere.
10. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion: They're tiny little men in fur coats.....

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from an anonymous email