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The Weller-drone

(also known as: The Wellerman IN SPAAAAAACE!)

[Verse 1]
There once was a ship that went to space
and the name of the ship was the Bully of T
the launch went well the hull went up
strap in, bully boys, strap in!

[Chorus]
Soon may the Weller-drone come
To bring us water and oxygen
One day, when strip-minin’ is done
We’ll take our leave and go!

[Verse 2]
She had not been two months from launch
When down on her, a great comet bore
The captain called all hands and swore
He’d pull it up in tow! (Hah!)

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
Before the tow had been deployed
The comet sped up through the void
All hands to deck, all strength employed
when it flew right past them (Huh!)

[Chorus]

[Verse 4]
No line was cut, no comet freed
The Captain’s mind was not to cede
Since he belonged to the scavenger’s creed
He’d drink a comet’s drink! (Huh!)

[Chorus]

[Verse 5]
For forty weeks, or even more
Microimpacts of ice at the door
Magnetic shields lost, there were only four
But still the comet did go!

[Chorus]

[Verse 6]
As far as I’ve heard, the fight’s still on
The line’s not cut, the comet not melt
The Weller-drone makes his a regular call
To encourage the Captain, crew, and all!

[Chorus]


SciFiQuest 3021: The Quest From the Black Lagoon


Done as a dare of sorts. Not an excuse for my poor lyrics, just an explanation.

The decision to replace a whale with a comet and not an asteroid is twofold:

  1. Comets in our solar system are far rarer (NASA mentions there’s 3,723 known comets today, surveys show that there’s more than 700,000 asteroids with a diameter larger than 1km);
  2. An asteroid towing a spaceship isn’t as exciting as a comet, given that it would be «easier» to look for a lost ship in the asteroid belt than a lone comet whose orbit might be very eccentric and with a long period; and
  3. I think the idea of hunting comets for their water is a nice homage to Isaac Asimov’s «The Martian Way»

Like many other people, I only came to know this song through the power of social media and the lockdown. In pretty much all versions that I found there were some liberties here and there with metric, squishing up syllables and adding anacruses to fit the stanzas to the tune. Expect such arrangements with these lyrics too.

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