That summer had been the worst summer of my life. I was betrayed... so horribly betrayed. I've lived a while. Long enough to think that I have felt a lot of pain. And I have. But nothing this wrenching. When I felt it I thought it was the worst I could ever feel. How wrong I truly was.
I never really considered my betrayer (whom I shall assign the moniker "JL" simply because I despise seeing his name) a true friend. More of an aquaintance if anything. Still, I never expected to be on the recieving end of his thoughtless, childish antics which ultimately caused me to lose five friends in the matter of a day. Sure things have changed, but never to the point that things were the same as they were.
It was the second day of auditions
. I didn't relish
the idea of putting myself on the spot
like that but then again it did help me to keep my mind off of THE INCIDENT
and help me focus
on the rest of my life. I had a friend tell me later that she had first met me on that day. I do recall
something to that effect, but nothing so incredibly poignant
as when I met HER.
SHE walked in the room, still wearing her soccer uniform
. I'm sorry, but I'm a sucker
for soccer girls, so she had my attention
right away. Everyone there that evening was paired up in groups to practice
we were about to do. I ended up with HER.
I don't remember
exactly how our first conversation
went, but for some odd reason we just hit it off right away. I am a firm believer
that every person gets at least one moment of clarity
in their life. I really believe that was mine. The way we clicked
. Tell me this wasn't planned.
We did a couple more scenes together, and finally we got to a kissing
I know we had to do it.
I know it was scripted.
It's probably all my imagination
but something happened there. Maybe it was all the lingering
thoughts I had about HER as we were practicing. Maybe it was indigestion
. But I felt something. Something new
. Something different
. Something rejuvinating
. It was as though God
Himself had put HER on the earth
to tell me that there was still hope
Time went by and we grew increasingly closer. Then one fateful day SHE talked to JL. Things were never the same
"Why do you always hang out
with him?" were his words. They seemed so insignificant
at the time. Little did I realize that they were the wedge
that would begin to drive us apart. The very night after those words were spoken, I ran into HER online
, or someone who I thought was her. It ended up being her boyfriend
He threatened to kill me Strike OneShe was now suddenly "afraid" of me Strike TwoShe never wanted to see me againStrike Three
I had just gone from on top of the world
to chained down in the bowels of hell
in the matter of minutes
It didn't take much brain power to figure out what had happened. SHE talked to JL, he told HER basically the same things that he had told all my friends. SHE told her boyfriend, and suddenly I am the creep and JL is the knight in shining armor come to save HER. It didn't take long for things to get much worse.
She fell for JL.
That's right. The worst thing that could have possibly happened did. Eventually
when SHE began to see through whatever charade
he had used she began to see that maybe just maybe
he was lying. But the damage had been done. So horribly done.
We never did hook up. We're acquaintances now. Sometimes when I have enough strength to think about all of it, I wonder what would have happened if we had hooked up. Then I think that one should never think that way; It's best to live in the present. Besides, I believe that all the pain and depression I went through helped to create who I am today. So many nights during that dark time I fell back on a beautiful quote by Oscar Wilde from his work de profundis:
"Clergymen and people who use phrases without wisdom sometimes talk of suffering as a mystery. It is really a revelation. One discerns things one never discerned before. One approaches the whole of history from a different standpoint. What one had felt dimly, through instinct, about art, is intellectually and emotionally realised with perfect clearness of vision and absolute intensity of apprehension."